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In this episode Joel & Antonia talk about sharing your personal growth with others and the challenges that can arise.
In this podcast on Personal Growth you’ll find:
- We recently had a conversation with a younger friend who was depressed. She expressed how stressed she was when giving people help and advice.
- How do you make someone understand something that’s life changing for you? What’s the best way to share something very meaningful for you to them?
- The relationships you have account as the biggest piece in your personal development.
- If you make big changes and you start becoming healthier and become a better version of yourself, you will mirror to other people, their bad behavior.
- We also don’t know where other people are at. Some of them may make progress but we don’t always see it on the outside – oftentimes it’s an internal process.
- Understand that others are in the stream of their own development and it’s not really for anyone to judge where they’re at.
- Most people are interested in improving themselves at least to some extent.
- Most people would like to be in a better place than where they’re at now.
- If you are interested in Personal Growth, it’s something you’ll never graduate from. You’re gonna have to continually refine and work on how you go through no matter where you are in your journey.
- People are on different levels of their personal journey. Do we just completely leave them alone or help them in the process?
- Trauma Triangle. People will see the world in terms of victims, villains and heroes. When you get caught in the drama triangle, once you put yourself in one of those 3 situations, you need to find other people/situations to fill in the other two spaces.
- Empowerment Dynamic. Empowerment Dynamic is the antidote to the Trauma Triangle. Instead of having a villain, you get a challenger. Instead of a hero, you get a coach who’s somebody who isn’t there to save you but might just be the person you need at that time to provide wisdom that you capture and run with. Instead of victims, we have creators. People who create their world as oppose to just being at the receiving end of the world around them.
- If you discovered personality development tools that have massively changed your life, you can share them with other people. However, if it’s no their thing, it doesn’t mean that they’re not making progress within themselves.
- Personal development is like and exercise for your mind. The more you use and focus it, the more you become better at it.
- If you want other people to follow your path/tool in personal development, just be happy and continue being successful.
- When somebody is hostile, that doesn’t mean that they’re unwilling to do personal development.
- For the majority of us, we are still working a lot on our personal development. Understand that not everybody is in the same path as we are, sometimes we have the tendency to put ourselves in the hero role where we feel like it’s our job to fix other people.
- Sometimes we can overvalue our growth and we’ll see somebody else’s growth as a reflection back to us (for example, a past bad behavior) and we tend to assume to that they’re not as developed as we are.
- Be mindful that we really don’t get to determine where somebody else is at in their journey but we do get to determine how they’re going to impact us.
- Using the language that people already use will help a lot in helping them understand you better.
- Is this something you’re currently experiencing? Do you have a strategy that you can share with the community? Let us know in the comments section below.
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15 comments
Makes me think of “don’t cast your pearls….” Good thoughts.
Loved this episode. Interestingly enough, it came just a little while after I had made similar epiphanies. I’m an INTJ, and have twice in one year dated INFJ guys who eventually told me they’d like to be better. Having a knack for processing lots of data and wanting to fix systems so they work, and yet completely bulldozing past the fact that those skills are hardly ever directly transferable onto other humans, I tried very hard to find answers I thought they’d need. Suffice it to say, INFJs are incredibly independent and forced their boundaries once they sensed I was trying to change them (I viewed it as help them change, but semantics…). Later I realized my skills are not to be employed directly on humans, and that people honestly do best when they find their owns paths to developing themselves. I also realized what Joel brought up at the end: namely, everyone’s going to have a different vocabulary for this stuff. I LOVE MBTI, but that doesn’t mean all other intuitives are going to, too. In fact, I’ve only met one other intuitive that’s into it as much as I am. So finding different words for the same processes and changes doesn’t have to be something that’s sad and isolating. It just means I can expand how I use my tools and also make them appealing to others (in the best and not manipulative ways possible, of course ). Anyway, great podcast.
Ideally, personal development should’t be accompanied with all these added stress from people around but it seems to come in a package. I have picked up the skill to ‘judge’ who could be open minded to hear my experiences and who couldn’t. (I do feel that it is very strange that people could not accept diverse personality or typology but conveniently accept Horoscope as a fact).
How does a healthy personal development should feel like? I mean, it’s not like you are able to know because it’s about moving to a better space; a space that you have never been before. You may imagine that space, but the reality is you’ve never been there?
For me, it felt like a fish moving to a different pond. I remember many years ago when I’m exploring a new belief system, it really got me disconnected with my ‘old pond’ as I got sorta ‘accepted into a new pond’.
Things didn’t just end at that pond. I think my Exploration mode kicked in and I was seen as weird and rebellious. Belief system is not something that I decide for once. I think it is discovering process.
Of course that was like leaving that pond and I’m all alone to explore my growth. And when I was listening to this podcast, I realized I did not project myself as being contented or happy to the people in my close circle.
Wish it could be better. Instead of jumping from pond to pond while embracing growth, I want to just make my pond bigger.
Or maybe this only happens to me. Not sure how others will describe their experience. My co-pilot is Exploration (Ne) so it makes sense that time and time again, it just feels like it’s time to get out from the usual and get into different things.
Thank you for this :)
Yeah, I agree. It’s sometimes easy to confuse our interest in certain tools as a sign of growth in and of itself so if someone else isn’t interested we misinterpret it as a lack of interest in growth. It’s awesome that your journey has helped you clean slice the difference with your girlfriend.
Thanks for the comment!
A
What an interesting podcast and it came up at just the right time! Diving deeper into personal development has actually helped me not to be disappointed when people never use the tools I tell them about. Now I only share insights with my friends and family when I think that the information is helpful for our relationship and their understanding of me.
So my girlfriend (ISFJ) totally gets me when I (INFJ) say: “I know that sensual experiences are very important to you but as an intuitive I can talk about ice cream flavors only for so long.” Explaining the fundamental difference between our minds (S and N) has really helped us to understand eachother better (although my girlfriend and I use the terms „abstract“ an „concrete“ because they work better for her). She has also asked me not to talk about her type that often because she’s not comfortable to be constantly analysed and I understand and respect that. Still I want her to talk to me from time to time about my findings.
I am not asking people to dive as deeply into those topics as I do but expect them to listen if the information I discovered is relevant for our relationship. I don‘ think that people who refuse to listen to you even when it directly concerns them are incapable of leading a healthy relationship with you.