JOEL MARK WITT: Hey, welcome back to Personality Hacker. I’m Joel Mark Witt.
ANTONIA DODGE: I’m Antonia Dodge.
JOEL MARK WITT: This is our fourth video. We’re finishing our short series with Merja Similov, who is the creator of the INFx Unveiled program, a program designed specifically for INFPs and INFJs who want to dig into their inner world, their inner experience, find maybe some of the inner healing work that needs to be done in your child, in your parent work, really in order to discover their greatest gift. Their gift they’re going to bring to the world, and their purpose in life.
We’ve talked a lot about the actual healing process in theory. We’ve talked a lot about Merja’s story, her personal story, and we’ve talked about some of the resistances that might come up. In this video, I want to talk about some specific examples. I want you to share with us, Merja, if you can, maybe one, two people that you’ve seen go through either a course with you or worked 1 on 1 with you. Then after that we’ll talk more about the actual course itself, but let’s talk about some examples of people, some stories from people that have worked with you.
ANTONIA DODGE: Yeah, and if we can do one INFJ and one INFP-
JOEL MARK WITT: That would be helpful, yeah.
ANTONIA DODGE: -to help the audience understand different ways, or things that they can look forward to, that would be awesome.
MERJA: Sure. I’m even happy to break it down to gender as well. An INFP male and female, and INFJ male and female, if that works?
JOEL MARK WITT: That would be great.
MERJA: The gender division tends to be about 50/50 in the work that I do with the INFs. Let’s start with an INFP female. This is a 26 year old lady when she came to work with me. I was going to say girl, but you know. She was very, she had a beautiful childhood. She is an only child, but her father was a little bit overbearing, and her mother was also an authenticity type. Beautiful, beautiful mother-child relationship. Obviously two authenticity people so you could see that there could be some friction there too, but just beautiful childhood, but a little bit overbearing father figure, or her father as the masculine figure in her life. What happened was she wasn’t, she kind of went for the education that would pay the bills rather than follow her passion, which is writing. She’s the most beautiful writer I have ever met. She just had this tenderness with words that just expressed the depth of the soul of the person that she was writing about.
We worked, we did a bit of work. She moved away from the idea of being, you need to have a job that pays the bills. Writing doesn’t pay the bills. We moved specifically away from that through the inner parenting work, but also through working through the business mentoring that I do with people. She’s now in a space, this is 2 years on, she’s now in a space where she has her own business and she writes custom made wedding vows for her clients, and she’s like their personal poet. It’s just so beautiful. She’s just expressing herself through the medium that is right for her, through words, and she’s serving people doing it, and she’s making money doing what she loves. That’s wonderful.
JOEL MARK WITT: That’s great.
MERJA: That’s one person. Do you have any questions on this particular person’s journey?
ANTONIA DODGE: No, I was just thinking it’s brilliant. I never considered that possibility for writing, and I know that there’s a lot of INFPs that deal with that thought of, I have to pay the bills and how I’m going to do that. I thought not only is that a great case study, but that’s a brilliant idea.
JOEL MARK WITT: Yeah, and then it was the particular inner work. I just want to get down to the particular there, was work around … She was told that to be a parent for herself, she had to be an almost authoritarian, overbearing parent. I’m guessing the work you did was switching her mindset from feeling like she had to parent herself the way her father parented her, to be maybe more of a gentle nurturing approach. To be more open to some of the things that she wanted in life for her inner child. Am I right on that?
MERJA: Absolutely, and it’s all about the authenticity for INFPs. It’s all about are you doing what is authentic to your heart and to your soul?
JOEL MARK WITT: Good.
MERJA: Absolutely, yeah.
ANTONIA DODGE: Your second case study is an INFP man?
MERJA: Yeah. A male, yeah. This is a person that he is a performance coach. He works with people on a one to one basis as well as runs groups. He was very very effective even before this work, but having done this work with me, he’s gone from having a very etheric, or in the ether, conceptual work with his clients. He’s now bringing a lot of the inner parenting work into his coaching work as well, which means that he’s getting results. Where they used to be awesome results, they are now awesome results on steroids. We are talking about serious world class performance business owners and innovators in various different industries. He’s been able to take that inner parenting work and really bring it into his work and help his clients with that inner parenting as well.
JOEL MARK WITT: The specific leverage point there in that experience was helping get more concrete. In other words, for this gentleman, there was a lot of authenticity coming up, but there was maybe a little bit of a disconnect between what was authentic and communicating that to the outside world. Doing the inner parent work helped bridge that gap and make things more, and literally using some of the techniques that you teach, helped him move in that direction and get more specific on how he can help other people show up in their best self. Is that right?
MERJA: Well, you know, I can speculate how he did it, because I’m not privy to the consultations he’s had to say, but the feedback I get from this particular client is that just implementing the inner parenting work and really bringing it into his own consultations, the amazing results have just become almost unbelievable. To the point of being unbelievable.
ANTONIA DODGE: That’s awesome. All right, so let’s talk about INFJs. Do you have examples of INFJs that have gone through this work and have had, what kind of results are they experiencing?
MERJA: I have an INFJ male client who is a world class sports person. He’s been to one Olympics and there’s another couple of Olympics as far as his career is concerned, upcoming. It’s fabulous. We’re talking about top level athlete. This is a person who had an experience as a child where his mother was extremely oppressive in a way of, these are our religious parameters, and this is how you should live. This is the kind of a person you should form a relationship with, and then take it from there. Very matriarchal, approval based matriarchal growing up experience. A lot of passive-aggressive female behavior from his mother.
He ended up attracting certain relationships in his lives that were based on not necessarily authenticity or truth or any of that. He actually started to attract sociopaths and narcissists as well into his life as possible life partners. There’s the gender thing as well. Really wanting to connect with the opposite gender on a very authentic level, but because he didn’t have that experience from his own mother growing up, he hasn’t been able to do that. When he has had the chance to do that, it’s been really difficult to just hone in on that and hold onto that really authentic kind of relationship.
Because this has been an oppressive situation from when he was growing up, all this relationship drama has affected his performance in his sport. What we’ve done with that as well, through the inner parenting work, and really working around the wound of the feminine and the mothering wound, he’s been able to move more into his masculine and step into his masculine. I know that he’s actually done work with this particular issue with another mentor who’s work I’m very familiar with, who is all about working with the masculine, specifically. With our work, with the inner parenting work, he’s been able to claim his own truth and follow his own path. Then allow the other authentic influences to come into his life and really help him propel even further in his sports career.
ANTONIA DODGE: And avoid sociopathic women, I’m assuming.
MERJA: Working on that very much, yeah.
JOEL MARK WITT: Yeah. The specific leverage point then is, basically he had set himself up to, and I think you had mentioned this at one point in one of our conversations somewhere. It might have been on a podcast we had done, it might have been on video. You had said something about, often relationships we get into shine a light on some of the healing work we have to do. It looks like this gentleman, from what you’re telling me, is that he entered into relationships that kept shining a light on the things he needed to address. You helped him say, if this keeps coming up for you in relationships, here’s the light. Let’s shine it over here on yourself and let’s fix this before we keep creating these over and over again, these patterns. That’s the leverage point with him. Is that correct?
MERJA: That’s right. It’s like realizing or finding out your point of self-punishment, and then making a choice to do something different.
JOEL MARK WITT: Yeah. Great. What’s your final example of INFJ?
MERJA: Okay. One of my favorite examples is an INFJ lady that I worked with who was very much stuck in her accuracy process, so in the tertiary process. She is working in the mining industry. She wants to become a lawyer, but she doesn’t want to go to school for 6 years to become a lawyer. She’s very much in that, this is right, this is wrong, this is how things should be. Very much into the environmental issues within the mining industry and so on. She wants to be an environmental lawyer.
Now, that’s a very black and white world to quite a large extent. I’m not saying that people shouldn’t, that INF types shouldn’t do, or an INFJ shouldn’t do an accuracy type job. I’m not saying that at all. Just know what you’re doing and choose to do that wholly and fully, or do something else. What actually happened was, that accuracy process and being in that constant state of needing to perform and to be perfect, was stopping her from conceiving a child. She wanted to have a second child and she went through IVF, or looked at IVF and all the various different hormonal treatments to go an get into it.
We did some 1 to 1 work for 4 months with her, and I was able to just help her relax into her harmony process a bit more, cultivating a sensation process. Four months later she’s pregnant, and she’s 43.
JOEL MARK WITT: Wow.
MERJA: There were considerable issues with her getting pregnant to begin with. Considerable told to her by her doctors that she’s old. She was told by one of the doctors that she was too old, really. Also, physiological things, like just wanting to have a career, and so on.
When we work on the different perspectives, or the different functions of each of the types, we touch on that a little bit on the course, but we also touch on very specific grid, which we might talk about in the next little bit. This person was able to take that grid and use it to her advantage to really relax into herself and actually have what she wants to have in life, which is to have another child and have that family and that closeness with her family, and then do all these creative crafty things with her own time as well as with her children.
ANTONIA DODGE: Then your suspicion is that the tension she was carrying, like the stress on her body that the wound from past wounds. When she went through a healing process, then she was able to take some of that tension and stress and apply it more positive things, and now her body was no longer betraying her, basically. That inner wounding, no please, go ahead.
MERJA: Yeah. Basically what happens with my work is I manipulate people on many different levels so that we can get the results as quickly as we can. The manipulation, people often think manipulation is bad, but actually all manipulation is not bad. I manipulate people to get what they say they want in life. That’s what I do for a living.
What I’ve found out with the connection of the physical and the psycho-emotional was when I was doing full time body work, when I was doing full time psycho-emotional and orthopedic massage and pain management in Dublin, I had hundreds of women who came to me with fertility issues. What I’ve realized working with those hundreds of women amongst the thousands of people that I actually saw in that practice time. Using my scientist mind, looking at the case studies, looking at the patterns, what were actually there. I found that the cellular memory of the perfectionism is so contractive to the body that the body can’t facilitate pregnancy properly, or it makes it so much more difficult to get pregnant because it’s so clamped up shut. You have to perform all the time. You’re really just, all you need to do is get into that cellular memory on a psycho-emotional level, use these tools to manipulate that cellular memory to start releasing what doesn’t serve you, and then inputting what does serve you. You’re inputting relaxation, sensory, exploration, all those good things in there, and the solidity. The foundation for things to grow.
ANTONIA DODGE: Yeah. If somebody is considering this program and determining it’s right for you, be careful. You might get knocked up.
MERJA: You might get what you want.
ANTONIA DODGE: That’s right. We’re not saying you have to, we’re just saying there’s a possibility there.
JOEL MARK WITT: Thanks for those examples.
ANTONIA DODGE: Yeah.
JOEL MARK WITT: What I want to talk about now, if you’re watching this, you’re most likely seriously considering investing in yourself, investing in this program, and being a part of this experience. I want to talk about how the program is actually structured.
I’ll just talk about the physical structure here. It’s a prerecorded program. You attend a webinar. It’s not live on camera like this, but it is a webinar. There’s slides. It’s your voice leading a group of people live, and you’ve recorded it, and we’re publishing the recorded version of that. It’s split into 4 sessions. Each of the sessions have different topics and different exercises. Would you briefly just touch on the 4 sessions? When someone gets the course, what 4 sessions are they going to be going through? You also mentioned this grid. Briefly mention that and then just the 4 sessions, just to give somebody and idea of what they can expect when they join the program.
MERJA: Sure. The grid is like an underlying path that leads you from where you are to where you want to go. The grid has these 4 different quadrants, if you like.
The first session, the first webinar, is all about being a chameleon. A lot of the INF types, what we do is we kind of sit back in the room and just suss out the room before we put ourselves out there and before we connect with the people that we feel comfortable connecting with. We’re looking out how to recognize if you are being a chameleon. What are the benefits of being a chameleon, because it’s not all bad, obviously. What are also the challenges, if you are a chameleon, unpack and stay there for the rest of your life. What’s going to happen for you? What is it likely to be? What is life going to look like if you continue to live your life as this chameleon? Because the chameleon side of you takes over the authentic and the sovereign side of you who steps up and roots themselves into the ground and into this space and claims their space. The first session is all about chameleon, the chameleon effect.
The second session is about the inner child. The inner child is the person inside of us who has all of the creativity in them, but they also carry the deep wounds of your childhood. The tricky thing about the wounding and the wound work is that if you don’t go there, you never uncover your greatest gifts to the world. You never uncover your true purpose in life. Your purpose isn’t one specific thing. Your purpose will continue to evolve as you evolve. It will continue to change, but in order for you to get onto the purpose path, you need to allow your inner child to start to speak up. You need to give them a voice. You need to give them a platform, and you need to give them a job. That’s the second session, is all about the inner child.
The third session is all about the inner parent. How you might choose the appropriate parenting style for yourself, how that’s going to come up in practice, and what you can do to really use your inner parenting skills to bridge the gap between your inner child and then your adult self.
The fourth session is all about your adult self. How you show up in this life. What your purpose path might begin to look like. You start taking steps towards uncovering your purpose path on the last session, on the fourth session.
We had a selection of quite a nice repertoire of people attending the live program. Every session has questions and answers at the end of the recording. We have Power Point style presentation for an hour or so, and then on top of that we also have questions and answers that an awful lot of people who have listened to this recording or have done this course from the recordings have found exceptionally helpful for themselves as well.
JOEL MARK WITT: Yeah, they get to see what questions other people are coming up with and you get to answer those. Then they get the sense of what, maybe their questions can be answered as well in that Q and A session that’s recorded, which is helpful.
ANTONIA DODGE: Now you mentioned before that it’s a nearly 50/50 split between men and women that take your program. That was represented on the call and in the sessions. This is definitely not just a program for women.
MERJA: No. A lot of people know me from the radiant women movement, which is a women’s empowerment movement. One of the reasons why a lot of people make the assumption that I only run programs for women is because they may know me from that. No, this is very much a unisex program, and with the INFx Unveiled course as well as with the 1 to 1 mentoring work that I do with people, it’s about 50/50 split between men and women. There’s no gender discrimination here at all.
JOEL MARK WITT: Yeah. What’s great about being pre-recorded, and there are exercises you get at the end of every session. You give specific things, whether it’s a journal exercise, or an inner dialogue exercises, you have a lot of different exercises you help people work through. You give them assignments.
What’s great about being pre-recorded is it’s really at a go your own pace experience. If someone needs more time for those exercises. If you’re doing a lot of inner reflective work, when you’re doing a lot of exercises and you’re doing a lot of inner dialogue, that can take time. Having indefinite time to do that is really helpful I think. At your own pace.
MERJA: Yeah, absolutely. Just knowing when you’re procrastinating and knowing when you’re staying with yourself, that’s a good thing. Absolutely. I don’t encourage people to go this program faster than 1 session a week, because you need a little bit of time for reflection. If you feel like you don’t want to give the time for reflection, it probably means that you’re wanting to rush through this, so you’re probably going to do this on quite a surface level. Continuity and accountability are the 2 keys that actually give more permanent and sustainable change in your life. Please take your time doing this course. The recommendation is 1 session a week, but if you do 1 session every 10 days or fortnight, that will work very well as well. It’s the consistency factor.
Try to find somebody who can hold you accountable for your progress as well. Somebody who’s going to enjoy your journey, you doing your journey, and somebody who doesn’t have an agenda for you to be something that they want you to be.
ANTONIA DODGE: To summarize, if you’re still at this stage of determining whether or not this program is right for you and you’re still in the vetting process, the most important things to remember is a recap of everything that we’ve talked about. The program is a 4 part webinar series, which means that there’s not going to be video of Merja, but there will be a video component in the slides. You’ll also of course get the slide deck separate from the recordings. You get a 4 part series. Merja just went over the topics of the 4 part series. You get a slide deck with that. You get exercises that are recommended.
It’s very important to be clear that this is a healing program. This is unlike most Personality Hacker programs in that this is not an achievement based program. It’s not meant to teach you more about being an INFJ or an INFP in simply type theory. This is not a deeper dive into personality types. This is a deeper dive into you as an individual, and what you are trying to heal from. Your specific traumas, and ways to facilitate that. It’s very important to understand that that’s also what this program is about.
Also of course, since it’s through Personality Hacker, you get a 30 day guarantee. If you go through the program, even as Merja recommends, 1 per week. If you have it within 30 days and you decide the program isn’t right for you, or you didn’t get out of it what you wanted or were hoping to, it’s not a match. Sometimes it’s just not the right match.
JOEL MARK WITT: Or the right timing.
ANTONIA DODGE: Or the right timing. Then of course, Personality Hacker guarantees all of our programs with a 30 day refund policy.
JOEL MARK WITT: Obviously we want you to invest in yourself. If you’re listening and watching, we want you to invest in yourself. We want you to invest in this program. We took the time to spend time with Merja recording these videos, putting the program together, publishing it with Personality Hacker. We would encourage you to invest. If it seems like the right time in your life, if it seems like a right fit.
However, if you decide not to invest right now, I’d like to ask you, Merja, assuming the person closes this video and never sees any of us again, and they’re an INFP or an INFJ and you could give them a message for their life, what would you tell the INFJ or INFP listening right now, if it was the last thing you could tell them right before they clicked off this video and you never saw them again? What would that message be?
MERJA: There is a world out there that is free of hurt. Where you are effectively unhurtable. Where you can really get yourself expression to a level that you feel so comfortable in such a flow with it. The world needs you. That world needs you to be in that space where you are kind to yourself. If you never do anything else with any of this work with INFx, just take this. You are important. You can have access to that world, and you can be completely and utterly your authentic and sovereign self. I would love to see that.
JOEL MARK WITT: Fantastic.
ANTONIA DODGE: I want to thank Merja for putting this program together, for being a partner with us and allowing us to have this program as part of our catalog at Personality Hacker. I want to thank you for your time in coming to talk with people, let them know what the program is about so they can determine whether it’s the right fit for them.
I want to thank you, as the person watching the video, for taking the time to be with us and really considering, as Joel keeps mentioning, it is an investment in yourself. Thank you for even being at that space, at that place where you want to invest in yourself. We are very grateful that you even want or are even considering taking a journey of that, to help quality yourself to be at your best, and show up to the world at your best. To be able to give us the gifts that you have within you.
JOEL MARK WITT: Yeah. Thanks Merja, and thanks to you for watching. I’m Joel Mark Witt.
ANTONIA DODGE: I’m Antonia Dodge.
JOEL MARK WITT: This is Personality Hacker. We’ll talk to you on future videos, future podcasts, and we’ll see you over at personalityhacker.com.