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In this episode Joel and Antonia talk about power vs empowerment, the power couple, gender roles and why men might fear being objectified.

In this podcast on the power couple you’ll find:

  • Most men spend so much time focusing on standards of female beauty but do nothing to improve their own physical attractiveness.
  • Men are used to being objectified as providers but are terrified to be objectified by their looks; that they have to look attractive to attract women.
  • There is a shift in viewpoint which developed overtime that women don’t need men as a provider but a lifestyle and romantic companion instead.
  • Collective unconscious in genetic memory implies that women have always been victims of exploitation. Some are even still looking for ways to prove that they are victimized by men. There is a sense of retribution in women to want men to experience their hardships.
  • Mentality creates reality. We can create or influence others to become predators by insisting that they are bad. This way, we are neglecting them and stopping them from having a connection with us.
  • Once the honeymoon phase in a relationship (which lasts one to two years) ends, the power struggle phase comes in and makes or breaks a relationship.
  • Both genders nowadays have almost equal opportunities open for them leading us to a current position of a gender power struggle. It creates a situation where one is forced to lose so that only one can have power; there can’t be shared power.
  • Power is about hierarchy structure where one is in authority and the rest are subordinates while empowerment is about personal power which can be achieved by everyone.
  • What is a power couple? A Power Couple is created when two people with equal skills and talents both give space for one another to be fully empowered making them unstoppable in doing extraordinary things.
  • There is currently an unprecedented level of competition wherein when one is able to provide something others can’t, it makes that person more attractive than most. In this sense, self-empowerment needs to be focused on by everyone regardless of gender.
  • Attraction is not a choice. Being the best version of ourselves is the best initial attractor.

 

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  • Adrianna
    Reply

    Something that you said really resonates with me. It bothers me that there are people who instead of wanting equal human rights, want a supremacy of whatever group they represent. It bothers me that some people instead of actually working for a goal really rag on the group “in power” (personally, I’ve never seen the point, all that does is make everything worse). Maybe it’s just an intuitive mindset, but I always wanted to see people fight for rights as purely people, not because as a part of race or gender.

    • Joel Mark Witt
      Reply

      Adrianna. Thank you for sharing here. I wish more people would think like you… and then I remember that you are helping sway the world toward this better way of seeing things.

  • Jillian
    Reply

    I love my modern marriage. My husband (INFP) is just as involved with the kids and housework as I (ENFJ) am. Though he works he considers the money I save through money saving techniques to be of equal value. It baffles some of the older generation, but some women really envy the arrangement. We both see each other’s perspectives and values, so we approach life as a challenge we divide by skill and not gender.

    Your take on the gender and group wars is awesome. I like the idea of leaving space at the table. However, I think that in today’s world of false ‘hate’ and false ‘acceptance’ that simply leaving space could be seen as deceptive. Metaphorically speaking that is. I think we can easily think we are “leaving space” for someone or something until they sit at the table and we have to live the metaphor. Actually engaging or tolerating or trying to understand someone who may stand at the oppossing side of the spectrum requires so much more than lip service. It is something I find myself faced with and the growth of having someone at the table that I wouldn’t normally desire there has been extremely rewarding.

    Great Podcast!

    • Antonia Dodge
      Reply

      I agree. I think that’s why the previous podcast on psychological generosity should also be implemented. Truly trying to understand where the ‘other’ is coming from (no matter who they are) is an important part of empowering oneself and others.

      Thanks for the comment. 🙂

      -A-

  • Barbara Rosson
    Reply

    This is awesome that you are talking about these issues!

    I was part of the original wave of feminism. In college in the early 70s I had a class entitled Women in Literature. It was a cleverly-disguised exploration of all the ways we were being enslaved as females. My class project featured a slide show about messages for women in the media. The opening slide was an ad with the headline, “The Dirty Dust Mop Wins.”

    What a life-changer that new perspective was – I immediately alienated my mother on the subject, who told me that she enjoyed housework. It was a time of frustration and venting, which can be cathartic, or at least transformational. But what I wish it hadn’t done was to plant the seeds of “you men have been my captors, now you are my enemy” thoughts.
    Unfortunately, once you wake up and see your prison, it can be offensive.
    And I continued to be offended by it and a victim of it, only to be set free to the degree that I increasingly claimed my own power in life – and embraced my personal empowerment!

    Point well taken, Antonia, that our expectation of how we’ll be treated (“Is he gonna rape me, if he sees I’m afraid will he try harder, if I run will he chase me?”) can influence how we end up being treated.
    As one of the lucky ones who got a potential rapist to “just say no” due to screaming and making a fuss – in short, refusing to allow it – I can say that at least some of that is up to us as women.
    Yet as a victim of sexual and emotional abuse in my first marriage, I can also say that – at least for my generation – programming is powerful, and finding our inner strength to stand and face any form of tyranny can be hard to come by when the enemy is right in our own camp.

    As each of us stands against, or in some cases walks away from, the evil unfairness of sexual tyranny, we strengthen the world for all of us. I live for the day when we can make enough progress so that the 16 MILLION people on our beautiful planet who suffer under the oppression of human slavery can be free.
    We can’t find them, they are so well hidden in a house next door to us that no one ever notices. The only way to root them out and put an end to this is from within their captor’s hearts.

    So in that case, naming and claiming sides in a battle of the sexes isn’t really what we’re looking for, is it?

    That’s why I love this personality stuff so much, especially for couples – it teaches us how to LOVE our differences!
    And even better, to combine them in the divine purpose for which they were intended.

    When we do that, we can meet our wonderful life partner eye-to-eye, and release that joyous dynamic that can only happen in the world when a special chemistry prevails between two people: loving collaboration.

    The power couple connection is the evolutionary energy that is saving the world!

    And you, Antonia and Joel, are an awesome example of it. Seeing how you two work together is completely inspiring.

    Thanks for another great podcast!

    • Antonia Dodge
      Reply

      Thanks for the comment, Babs! I admit – I’m always a little worried how I’ll come across when I talk about not being suspicious of men. So many women have been on the receiving end of terrible treatment it seems almost traitorous to appear supportive of ‘the other sex’. I really do believe it’s the way to create win/wins and prevent more violence.

      Love you. 🙂

      -A-

    • Joel Mark Witt
      Reply

      Thanks Barbara for the feedback and sharing your kind words.

  • john danzer
    Reply

    Antonia,

    You are comfortable with the male female differences because you are a little bit on the andric end of the andro/gynic dimension. That may even make you stifle your “feeling” in favor of “thinking” because you believe it resonates with masculine strength. (Sorry, I don’t mean to analyze you). It would be interesting to hear some self disclosure on this. You made it clear that “nurturing” a child wasn’t a major goal in life. Maybe parents of Alaskan women produce a hardier type of female ala Sarah Palin.

    You obviously are a “winner” not a “whiner”. Masculinity has both a good and bad side. Being more muscular and feeling their physical strength men really get things done. The bad side of this is they tend to look at people as “things” you can just build, or push around or fix.

    Women tend toward depression whereas men “act” out and are more prone to criminality and violence. These are of course dimensions that vary on a continuous scale. One thing women can do to increase their power is to actually get a good physical exercise program going. When you are physically strong you actually feel stronger. That’s one of the reasons exercise is as powerful as prescription anti-depressants and with no side effects.

    One power couple that should be mentioned is Mark Zuckerberg and Dr. Priscilla Chan. Yeah. She is a working pediatrician. She works long hours during the week at HER profession in spite of their obscene wealth, and goes home to Palo Alto to be with her husband on the weekend.

    • Antonia Dodge
      Reply

      Hey, John!

      If I was uncomfortable about being analyzed that would make me pretty hypocritical. 😉

      I always felt fairly androgynous growing up and only started really reevaluating femininity (and what it meant to me) in my late 20’s / early 30’s. I wasn’t raised in Alaska (I only lived there between 2007-2010), but I WAS very influenced by my other brother (almost 9 years my senior). He was my first and earliest mentor, and as Freud would say, is very anally focused. He’s all about masculine dominance plays, etc. Since my temperament is far more naturally egalitarian I didn’t pick up his need to be in control. Instead my childlike mind turned it into ‘never show any weakness’. Combine that with society’s memes around women (and their genetalia) being ‘weak’ (“what are you, a pussy?” versus “grow some balls!” etc), I simply detached from feminine identity and sympathized with males more. When I realized just how royally that can fuck one up (by ‘one’ I mean ‘me’) I did a lof of personal development work around entering a more feminine place, and embracing everything that is authentically female about me. I became FAR more emotionally in touch at that time and sympathetic of other women.

      What you see isn’t repressed femininity or buried emotion, it’s actually an ‘open arms’ feeling toward being a woman and grateful for it and any/all quirks of femininity. The earliest programming didn’t go away, of course, so I ended up being in a place of sympathizing strongly with both sexes and their issues and fully appreciating (and sometimes losing patience) with both.

      You asked for it. 😛

      As far as the Zuckerberg’s being a power couple… I see both of them being very powerful as individuals. I think a Power Couple as we defined it, though, is when two powerful people work together in the same pursuit, in the same direction. Then the whole is greater than the sum of the parts, so to speak.

      -A-

  • Brianna
    Reply

    As a woman who is an ENTP, I always found it difficult to accept a “male dominance” in a relationship. My mom, being an ISFJ, always tried to groom me into a woman like her. Not to roll over and take abuse, but to fill the role of a nurturer.  This was during high school. I had a boyfriend at the time who was a ESJ type. Because we hit that power struggle, my mom was trying to help.
    Being free spirited and independent as I am, I really identified with Merida from Brave (the movie came out at this time, so it’s a perfect example.) The idea of the power couple is very similar to my own personal thoughts of a relationship. Partly because it fills the potholes of the old fashioned way of looking at relationships, and partly due to my tomboyish and strong willed behavior. I always thought a relationship worked better like two horses pulling a wagon than two birds flying I’m formation. In the past, I thought maybe there was something wrong with me for not wanting to accept social conventions. Especially in this aspect (of all the ones I challenge). Thank you for this podcast, it helps me articulate a thought I’ve had for a long time.

    • Joel Mark Witt
      Reply

      Hey Brianna. Thanks for your comment. Glad the podcast resonated. We don’t run into very many female ENTPs. So we are happy to have you come by and give some feedback about your experiences. The “two horses” example seems like a great metaphor for seeing relationships. I think (as a feeler) I also see it like a dance where each partner takes turns leading “the dance” over the terrain they know the best. Each partner is going to navigate areas of life better than the other. So it can be a great back and forth.

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