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In this episode Joel and Antonia talk about working with gurus for personal growth and how to prevent a co-dependent relationship with them.

In this podcast you’ll find:

  • Last week, went to a convention called “Inbound”.
  • Reconnected with a friend whose life has massively changed. Last time was fully invested in Graves 5.
  • She has massively graduated to Grave 6.
  • Grave 5 is more in achievement. Grave 6 is on self-reflection and personal development. The reason why she moved to Grave 6 is because she need some internalization in order figure out what she should do,
  • She met a guru who helped her grow and be happy.
  • She recently falling out with Guru.
  • Eventually she decided to move out of the Guru.
  • Think of “Gurus” as mentorship or coaching. This person may have helped you improve your life or motivated you to remove an unwanted habit or someone who helps you moving on and being happy. A guru is somebody who helps you initiate, someone who will help you get a high quality of life
  • The question is, does a Guru help in your enlightenment?
  • Since the concept of = Gurus have been integrated with marketing and business,
  • A guru is not necessarily someone who has arrived. Gurus also face a transformative period in their lives but it doesn’t mean that they have perfectly arrived.
  • If you are somone who has a Guru that’s helping you with your life journey, let’s not overattach to someone (or something) that has helped you transform. There’s a period in life that it’s useful and you’re eventually going to evolve and feel like you no longer need the mentorship anymore (post-Guru time)
  • Gurus are like living models. These models are helpful to map out our lives and where we go next. Gurus act the same way as guides.
  • Steven Covey’s dependence model:
  1. Overvaluing an existing model and being fully dependent on it.
  2. Rejection of the model/guru.
  3. The realization that the tool can be very helpful at times but not to point of getting too attached to it.
  • Shifting from the dependence to interdependence state is the most challenging phase. This is where co-dependency happens.
  • Realize that nobody’s really arrived. Since we live in a world where there are a lot of challenges, our personal development also experiences these challenges. On the other hand, even if Gurus may face some challenges, it doesn’t have to mean that strategies are poor or ineffective.
  • For you to be in a codependent phase is a choice you’re making. Remember that you have the power to opt out or move beyond that. You’re the creator of your world and you seek different coaches in different times of your life.
  • Some may not acknowledge the presence of “Gurus”.
  • Gurus help us have safe passage in the desired path that we’re headed where initiation or transformation happens.
  • If you are guru, it’s the empowerment that you bring to the table.
  • It’s not holding tightly to anything, it’s holding loosely to things and checking, what’s working and what’s not working.
  • You are a unique you. We all experience life in a different way.
  • When someone creates friction for you because they don’t like to see you growing, don’t fret. The friction in itself is part of the lesson. Finding models and gurus and learning/attaching with them for a while will bring loads of valuable learning experiences that will help you in your personal development.
  • There’s no issue with consulting with a Guru. The problem happens with when you can’t let go of yourself and allow yourself to graduate to the next level.

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  • shelley

    Antonia and Joe; I have so many questions can’t remember every podcast I have listen to as I go back & forth for the beginning to current.

    So here we go forgive all the questions

    1-I have a samsung galaxy nook tablet, what android apps are you guys a part of?
    2-What nook books could you recommend; I am all about taking my books with me everywhere. Sadly I have a nook and I know a lot of the books are for kindle. I would truly appreciate any books you could recommend that I could get for my nook.
    3-Can you recommend any places online to begin looking for friends?
    4-Besides myers briggs what are the other 2 personal types or forms?

    I just want to tell you I think you both are amazing and when my brother shared this information with me I was not so sure I would get into. I listen to you guys every day one my way into work and I wish I had a personal assistant with me to write down the things I want to remember.

    Thank you again. My personal email is and work

  • Evelyn Baker

    Hi Guys,
    That was a very helpful podcast regarding gurus. Lots of food for thought. But one point in particular that Joel mentioned brought it to me in a very personal way. It was about not putting your guru or mentor on a pedestal… Assigning traits, talents, gifts that he might not have though an expert of another.
    This is a problem that has plagued me my whole life. I will placed a person into a particular box and then assign them all the qualities that I consider to go with that type or box. It’s only recently I have started breaking out of doing this. As you can imagine the the dreadful results and disappointments I’ve had.
    And I am wondering, is this something which an ENFP would be more prone to do? I’ve always expected the very best in people and expect them to behave and think as I do. Or is this just my 3 year old?

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