Download Episode Here – right click link and select “Save Link As…”

In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the ENTJ personality type.

In this podcast on the ENTJ personality type you’ll find:

  • It’s tough to get to know the real ENTJ. There are a lot of layers.
  • Napoleon was most likely an ENTJ.
  • ENTJs are rewarded by society because their kind of leadership is honored by this world.
  • Female ENTJs are often not received well because of imposed gender roles.
  • ENTJs get the job done.
  • They have a lot of perceived confidence. It often appears like nothing rattles them.
  • Most of the answers we got on the survey were very short.
  • There’s a sense that they can’t slow down.
  • If they don’t feel confident they are good at ignoring it. Lack of confidence doesn’t serve them.
  • They have a tendency to overvalue templates that work and never question whether they need to be changed.
  • The driver process for ENTJs is Extraverted Thinking that we nicknamed “Effectiveness.”
  • Effectiveness is fast. It doesn’t question. It just keeps moving.
  • What happens when you’re wrong?
  • The co-pilot is introverted learning process called Introverted Intuition that we have nicknamed “Perspectives.”
  • Perspectives encourages ENTJs to not just assume their observations are accurate. It asks, “Is there a better way?”
  • Napoleonic warfare is a good example of Effectiveness doubling down and not adapting to new warfare strategy.
  • The 10-year-old process is Extraverted Sensing we have nicknamed “Sensation.”
  • If an ENTJ doesn’t slow down and focus on the co-pilot Perspectives, they will synthetically keep themselves limited. Avoiding the big game and not fulfilling their potential.
  • When ENTJs have some past wounding there is an instinct to avoid the inner world. They fear the Intuitive Introverted world. They worry about the pain they may find there.
  • The 3-year-old process is Introverted Feeling that we have nicknamed Authenticity.
  • This is about managing emotions. It asks, “What’s going on for me?”
  • There’s a sense of avoidance out of fear of the inner work. The more ENTJs avoid their inner world the less they will reach their full potential.

To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below:

Subscribe with iTunes
Non iTunes Link
Download The Android App
Subscribe on Soundcloud
Subscribe with Stitcher

If you like the podcast and want to help us out in return, please leave an honest rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help the show and its ranking in iTunes immensely! We would be eternally grateful!

 

Want to learn more?

Discover Your Personal Genius

free-personality-test-myers-briggs-2

We want to hear from you. Leave your comments below…

Showing 37 comments
  • Sarah
    Reply

    Hello. I’m an INFP aspiring to become a screenwriter. I’m in the process of creating an ENTJ female character in one of my projects and found this podcast very useful. I only know one ENTJ, and he’s a guy. I’d like to know a bit more about ENTJs in general, but perhaps more specifically about females of this type. How do you deal with people who expect you to behave in a more “feminine” way? For ENTJs in general, how do you deal with the emotions of other people? What would intrigue you about another person? What intrigues other people about you? What are the pros and cons of having relationships (platonic, romantic, or otherwise) with different types? What are some things you wish other people knew about you? What are some things you purposefully conceal from others and why? I know this is a lot but I’m just really curious. ENTJs are very interesting to me, which is why I’m creating a character with this type. I want to create someone authentic and avoid stereotyping. Any thoughts?

    • Laura Anderson
      Reply

      Hi Sarah,
      You have asked so many great questions. The answers are complex.

      As a 60-yr-old female ENTJ, I have lived a life of frustration. It has been difficult to convince my peers (or superiors) that I know what I’m talking about and have valuable insight and advice.

      I have mostly adopted a more “feminine” behavior in order to get jobs, have friends and a social life (meaning: I try not to speak with authority; I don’t express my opinions unless asked nor do I challenge the “status quo”).

      After I turned 40, I started my own business so I could do what I wanted. I hate hate hate incompetence and inefficiency. I love to debate and analyze situations. That’s stimulating and fulfilling to me. I don’t know very many men who want to do that with women. The few women that I know who do, only like to analyze and debate things that directly affect their lives — nothing abstract or hypothetical or statistical. Nope.

      Women ENTJs that I see on television, or in the movies, seem to have people who admire them for their ENTJ-ness. I don’t know anyone in real life who does that. Generally, women haven’t understood me and men have felt threatened by me because I don’t ask for permission.

      Even when I’m right, I don’t get the credit or recognition for it. I can’t tell you how many times men have said what I’ve been saying for days, or minutes, or years and suddenly “WOW! That’s a great idea! Why didn’t we think of that before?” And I’m stunned. Every time.

      My life would have been infinitely easier if I had been born a man. Or a lesbian. Or if I had a bunch of initials after my name like Ph.D, M.D., Esq., MBA.

      • Imbi
        Reply

        Laura, you just described my life. I am 38 right now… wishing you all the best!

      • Bastiat's Ghost
        Reply

        Laura,

        I am an INTJ male. I think you might be surprised at how much of your life experience that you just described applies to rationals and intuitives in general and is not primarily due to you being a woman. In particular, the part about you giving good advice that gets ignored until someone else says it has happened to me countless times.

        I can, however, imagine it is more difficult for rational women in general, as you have two choices for relationships with men, both personal and business: 1) other highly intelligent and sophisicated rationals who will ‘co-rule’ with you so to speak, or 2) easily manipulated quasi-idiots who you can order around and use like pseudonyms or proxies in order to get things done. Rational males can deal with mediocre females and not have a problem, whereas rational females will no doubt find themselves stymied by mediocre males who have a male ego and a desire for independence, yet lack the necessary big picture attitude that would take them to the next level.

    • Marci
      Reply

      Hello, I’m an ENTJ female. This podcast resonated with me on many levels and it was interesting to hear them validate my experience as a female specifically. I have had trouble relating to other females my whole life, for instance I tried out for sororities in college 4! times, being rejected each time. They felt like I wasn’t feminine or “sorority” enough for them. I found myself to be most comfortable with male friends, I could relate to them and talk to them. They often would comment about how I wasn’t like other girls (meaning overly dramatic or emotional) and was not coy or passive aggressive. I don’t believe these are inherently female traits, but can be stereotypical ones. Over the years of internal introspection I have learned that others don’t respond to direct answers the way I think they will or should, they take it personally like a direct attack on their person. So, I have learned to use “I” statements more when speaking and starting with “in my opinion” more. I find this helps let them know I’m not attacking them per say. The only time I have a real conflict with another type, is if it’s with some who is overly emotional or dramatic. This is highlighted in my relationship with my 8 year old daughter, who is dramatic like all 8 year old girls, but it triggers me to be super cold and withdraw from her if she is not being logical about something. This is not ideal, obviously, so I’m working on my patience with that and internal self-script, also just recognizing the pattern is helpful to be able to step out from it.

      Recently my life took a turn that I was not expecting, I didn’t get the job that I was expecting and it threw me for a loop. I was feeling very out of control and uncomfortable. But this only lasted a few days until I realized I just needed to make a list of things to do so that I could check them off, I felt calm almost instantly having a task list.

      The people I am most drawn to are others who are driven and successful, I’m looking to learn from them or emulate them. Anyone who can teach me something new is worth knowing. On the flip side, I’m least attracted to people who are lazy, can’t fulfill obligations, are passive-aggressive, or overly dramatic/emotional. To deal with these people if forced, I try and understand why they do the things they do and “speak their language” if possible, but this usually doesn’t happen until I’ve hurt their feelings at least once or twice without knowing it. I wish people would just say so, then I could adjust my behavior to fit them better. Instead it’s constantly a guessing game as to why they are upset or acting “weird”.

      I’m married to a guy who hasn’t been typed, but his style and mine mesh very well because he is so laid back that he lets me drive the relationship for the most part. He has been following my career since our college days and appreciates and applauds my successes. This is great, because if I was with an equally driven person it would be a constant battle and someone would have to compromise their dreams. This also gets in the way sometimes, I’m irritated with his lack of “get up and go” sometimes. Also, if given a task, he sometimes doesn’t do it in the timeline that I had envisioned, so it’s taken many years of practice to say “it’s ok, it doesn’t matter how he does it as long as it gets done.” That is painful for me if he’s doing something the long way. But he also is irritated that while I have vision and ambition to get things started the final details don’t always matter as long as it’s done. A few paint drops or a smeared line don’t matter to me and as long as the room is painted and done–those details bother him a great deal. It’s a give and take and it has taken a long time to realize these things about myself. Hope that helps a little!!!

    • Dana
      Reply

      Sarah,

      I am chuckling at your first question. How do I deal with people who *EXPECT* me to behave in a more feminine way?! Simple. I don’t deal with them. I have very little interest in other people’s expectations for my behavior or my appearance, ESPECIALLY when gender stereotypes creep into the equation. I usually deal with those people by ignoring them or, if they offer unsolicited opinions continuously, saying something rude or sarcastic so they’ll leave me alone. Diplomatic? No. Satisfying? Yes.

      By contrast, I take my self-imposed expectations (feminine or otherwise) very seriously. Case in point, I have a personal dress code for social occasions and more shoes than I can count. I think people can sense my rigidity in this area because they typically assume that I project my personal expectations onto to them, which isn’t necessarily true. If you love it, wear it!

      In my 32 years, the people who seem exceptionally confused by me are those who rely on first impressions: they see my hourglass figure… and then I open my mouth and the ENTJ runs them over 😉

      Good luck with the character!

  • J
    Reply

    Hi,
    Thank you for your great job. At a point when you were discussing past wounds and Fi, for a few seconds I cried (without tears!). This is exactly right, if an ENTJ is ever truly frightened, he will never go back to that point. And I am telling you no one takes us to that point for the first time except ourselves. So, thanks for your info which was right.
    About your solution, it is not that simple. In your analogy (check engine light) I do not ignore the alarm merely because I want to get the job done. Sometimes (many times) it is because I see many other bigger alarms going on. And those bigger alarms come from Fi (if I stop now, how can I earn the money to help my mother fix her teeth?). I am damn lonely in this Te-Fi loop (this is a bigger loop inside of which there is the Te-Se loop and Ni just knows everything and is strong to the point that does not let you enjoy the moment with Si). And while everyone sees me as a very successful person, I think I have consumed all my emotional resources (yes when you use a function you save it from dying, when you ignore it you deplete it) and I may fail before I get “there.”
    Anyways, ENTJ has been too much stereotyped to the point where I could never accept myself as ENTJ, I said I am either ENTP or ENFP. But now I am planning to pull over and fix the engine. I will not start from Fi, I will start from Si. Meanwhile, I will try not to hurt my Fi by ignoring it unnecessarily just due to the habit of ignoring it.
    Thanks again,
    J

    • Charis Branson
      Reply

      Thanks for the comment J! It sounds like you are in a painful loop. At the end of your comment you said you would start from Si. I’m not sure if that was a typo, but if you are ENTJ you need to develop your copilot – which is Ni (aka Perspectives). Try this simple exercise: Think of 3 villains in history or in your own world. Ask yourself why they behaved as they did/do. Try to imagine yourself making the same choices based upon their environment and perspective. Do this until compassion emerges for these ‘villains.’

      • J
        Reply

        Thank Charis. I was wrong. Si is too far to be reached. If I use TeNi properly, I reach a relaxed state that INDIRECTLY takes care of Si as well. When I wrote that comment I had read sth that explained how Si is neglected by ENTJs. (going by template!)
        You are right; the key is Ni. I appreciate the villains example. yes I should practice it more often. I also found this Ni-related solution absolutely helpful. You may want to share it with other ENTJs:
        We have a thirst for getting the jobs done. We enjoy doing more and stepping forward. Problem: We plan too many tasks for a given period of time because we only consider pure working and we neglect information gathering and learning process (Ni). ==> too many tasks for a given period of time. In the middle of getting the tasks done (Te) we encounter unforeseen KNOWLEDGE-BASED problems; then we ask and google. If we get the solution instantly we are good to go. If not we become crazy; love for learning the solution deeply vs. emergency for getting the tasks done. This starts the anxiety. Which pushes us into a very painful process: distract yourself with Se followed by guilt and assuming we have more problems deep down. Then use Ni to learn about the problems so that you can fully remove them and move on (see, now Te has become agenda/inferior)

        The key to our success is (in my view) this: If we assume that we can work only 2-4 hours a day, we become super productive. How? When we plan, when we think about the future, etc. we should allocate only about 10% for Te. 40% for Ni. Why? because 10-15% of ENTJ’s Te is a laser focused drill no one can even imagine how fast it can get the jobs done. 40% only for learning process. And 50% for Life! (Se+Fi).

        I have an experience using the method I just described for about 6 months (without knowing anything about MBTI) while I had an ISFP girl friend. Everything was just perfect until I stepped forward for a very big goal and ruined everything without thinking through~! Ni is the key. Always.

        Thank you again,
        J

        • J
          Reply

          If I had eight hours to chop don a tree, I would spend 6 hours sharpening my ax. -Lincoln

        • Charis Branson
          Reply

          Fascinating Insights! Thanks for sharing. I love the percentage breakdown. I am a junky for statistics. 😉

  • Luke
    Reply

    As an INFP male, I find this type very fascinating to study. I know only one ENTJ who is a female. I personally love connecting with a few people at a time on a deep intuitive level, and if I could connect deeply with an ENTJ woman that would be awesome to me! Are there any inputs on whether this type likes or even desires someone who is “passive” supporter encouraging them in whatever it is ENTJs want to lead in? Being alongside someone reaching for the top would be very rewarding for me, if, say, I loved them. I suppose she would have to be content with reverse gender roles because otherwise it would never work. That comes with maturity and love for oneself. Shared thoughts would be great!

    • Charis Branson
      Reply

      Hi Luke! Thanks for the question. There is a natural polarity between Thinkers and Feelers that creates attraction. Most of the Thinker females I know are drawn to Feeler males. The toughest part would probably be the Judger/Perceiver polarity. However, if two people went into a relationship recognizing those differences they could actually make it work. The Judger would make the Perceiver more organized (potentially) and the Perceiver could help the Judger become a little more laid back. I know of at least one couple where the female is ENTJ and the male is INFP.

  • Jordan
    Reply

    Howdy,

    I’m an ENTJ, and I just finished listening to this podcast. I almost didn’t leave a comment, because I figured it’d be a waste of time, but then I realized this would probably actually be a good way to apply what I learned concerning the value of Ni. I’ll actually understand my type better (and therefore live better) if I take the time to write out and better understand what you two talked about. So, here are my thoughts on what you two said:

    ENTJs lead with effectiveness: Now, I must say, I was wondering the entire time whether or not “effectiveness” is the best word for Te. I definitely agree that the drive for effectiveness is the biggest manifestation of Te. But I like referring to it as extroverted thinking (Te) precisely because it is broad, and I think it might include more than simply the frame of mind in which one thinks of how to quickly and efficiently get stuff done. It seems to me to be an entire mode of thinking that is characterized by the ability to break things down. Extroverted thinking is, in my opinion, to break things down, to separate, to order. And I think that the ability to break things down is well illustrated by my love for bullet points. I think in terms of “Okay, here is the idea [first bullet point], and here are that idea’s components [the sub-points]. I write papers in terms of bullet points. I approach relationships in terms of bullet points — under the heading of “People,” I have my roommates. Under “Roommates,” I have Josh. Under “Josh,” I have spend time with. Under “Spend time with,” I have a lot of points: for fun, for study, to get advice, to give advice, with other people, with just him, etc. Now, obviously, I don’t actually write these things out (usually), but it’s how I most naturally think of them.

    As another example of Te being a love to break things down, I also approach my strategy to living in this way. My ESTJ roommate, INTJ roommate, and I recently got a whiteboard out, and were experimenting with different ways we could split up our individual lives into a number of categories that we can make sure to hit every day. It was quite elaborate, and I don’t have it in front of me, otherwise I’d give examples of how it looked.

    So, final word on this topic: I think that if you were to read my description of Te, you would probably say “Yeah, I agree! And in all of those things, why are you doing it? Why are you putting these into bullet points? It’s because you want to be as efficient as possible.” That’s true. However, I suppose that the real distinction is this: MBTI typically has been designed to explain HOW we cognate, not WHY. I break things down in order to be efficient. Thus, for that reason, I think Te is best explained in terms of breaking things down, for it is by that means that efficiency happens. Or, I suppose you could mention both in its definition: “Te breaks things down in order to be efficient.” I don’t know.

    As far as Ni is concerned, I liked your emphasis on it. I actually formerly typed as an INTJ, and I think it was because as I took those tests, I kept identifying with myself at my best, and I am at by best when I’m consciously working toward using Ni. I think this happens because it takes conscious effort to use your second function, whereas your first is hard to even notice because it’s so core to who you are. I also appreciated the analogy about the car: I took from it that when Fi flares up, Ni should go to the rescue. Basically, you don’t need to use your Fi when Fi is broken; use your Ni to examine yourself, though. I also almost laughed when you talked about not being scared of Ni for sounding new age. At the very point you were saying that, I was thinking “Yeah, but that introspection stuff is for hippies.” 😛 I also appreciated the idea of Ni leaving room for unknowns. Your brother came to the point in which he said “I don’t know these things.” Just last year, I went through a bit of an internal crisis in which everything I was so certain about came under heavy fire, and the point that saved me was when I was listening to a philosopher define what a good argument is: a good argument will have two things: its conclusion will follow logically and necessarily from its propositions, and the propositions in the argument will be more probably true than false. This was an eye-opening moment for me, in which I realized that I don’t have to know something. Also, it was very helpful for me to play with possibilities: “Okay, if X ends up happening, then I’m good, because that’s what I want. But if X does not happen, that’s also fine, because I am prepared for it.” I don’t know, I guess just taking the time to deal with all the possibilities and perspectives was immensely helpful. I tend to not think of Ni in terms of perspectives, but in terms of possibilities and probabilities (but perspectives is a good term, too).

    I guess those were my two main takeaways. I’ve spent too long writing this anyway. But I want you both to know that I really appreciated the last hour of listening to the podcast and writing this response out. Thank you very much!

    Jordan

    • Antonia Dodge
      Reply

      I’m really honored you took the time to write this post, and I acknowledge it was also for personal benefit. Win/wins are always ideal.

      You’re right – Effectiveness doesn’t come close to describing the cognitive function of Extraverted Thinking with completeness. It’s not intended to add accuracy but to generate accessibility to new users of cognitive functions. I wrote an apologist article for why we chose to use nicknames and why we chose the specific nicknames we did. Feel free to read it here if you’re interested: http://www.personalityhacker.com/nicknames-for-8-jungian-cognitive-functions/

      Thank you for your feedback. 😀

      -A-

    • Hunter
      Reply

      Awesome post, my brother. Thank you. 🙂

    • Laura Anderson
      Reply

      Hahaha, Jordan, I have said, my whole life, “Let’s break this down.” I thought it was understood that was for efficiency’s sake. Now, I have to check with my family to see if they know that’s what I mean/meant.

      And, wait…everyone doesn’t think in bullet points? No wonder so many people are disorganized and inefficient.

      Thanks for your thoughts!

    • Dana
      Reply

      Jordan,

      Good insights on the possibility/probability aspect of Ni – thanks.

      I completely resonate with your example (if X happens, that’s what I wanted… if not, I’m cool because I’m already prepared) and I’ve watched it play out over and over in family and work situations. I know I am in a good place when I can use Ni to gauge probabilities such as outcomes/behavior and, ultimately, to then minimize my attachment to (a.k.a. need to control) the final outcome.

  • Lana
    Reply

    You described the last 2 years of my life. I had stepped back into the 10 yr old, appreciating the moment, trying to not concern myself too much with others and their thoughts or feelings because of several negative reactions to my being honest (or what I would call loving!). I’ve been largely silent and almost apathetic to share for some time. More recently, I can appreciate how others got to the conclusions they have. I can disagree and feel free to question others process in a friendly and curious manner and others feel honored by my curious nature about them. Patience…yes. I’ve been learning a lot about patience and timing.
    I think that the introverted intuition part has helped me think through when the time is best to bring up “difficult to hear” information. I am excited about the next season, but it’s a challenge to begin to believe it’s worth getting back out there and being bold cause I think people may still have emotional responses before they think through the issue. We’re all a work in progress aren’t we? I appreciate the encouragement to develop my copilot cause I definitely could use that.

    • Antonia Dodge
      Reply

      Glad it resonated! Thanks for taking the time to comment with feedback. 🙂

      -A-

  • Laura Anderson
    Reply

    Antonia, All I’m going to say (other than thanks for this podcast) is that I have, LITERALLY, been driving around all week with my real, factory-made car’s “check engine” light on. Every time I get in the car, I think, “Oh, man, I need to go the mechanic. Okay, well, after my meeting/appointment/luncheon, I’ll go. I have to fulfill my commitment and then I’ll take care of it.” Guess I better put it on my calendar, so I don’t end up on the side of the road. How’s that for a metaphor, huh?

    • Charis Branson
      Reply

      Haha! Thanks for the comment, Laura! I actually get excited when my check engine light turns off – which doesn’t happen very often. 😉

  • Nora
    Reply

    This was very helpful for understanding my ENTJ son, but as an INFJ myself, I already had a good ‘handle’ on him. 😉 But really, I see how he can get ‘jammed up’ by ‘feely’ stuff, and how he’ll react by being snarky or overbearing (in some peoples’ views). That being said, he’s a sensitive, ethical and intuitive young man… as a child he was always very responsible – in his occupation I’ve encouraged him to go into management, which he doesn’t want to do – but I see his integrity and leadership qualities as something that is needed in that situation. He’d rather stay ‘in the trenches’ though.

    • Charis Branson
      Reply

      He will likely want to come out of ‘the trenches’ when he has gained some confidence… or realizes the frustration of operating under someone who is incompetent.

      I think it is awesome that you are an INFJ. Since you use Perspectives unconsciously, you can help him learn to develop his copilot from an early age. Make sure he is perspective shifting and taking time to slow down and spend a little time in his head. Your guidance at this time will help him live a much more successful and happy life.

      • Nora
        Reply

        Hi Charis, thank you for the kind words. I’ve always tried to support and encourage my ENTJ son’s emotional “woo woo” side, and I’m fairly certain he does accept that part of his life. While he gets irritated with people who he may view as not as smart or evolved as he says he is, he is respectful of others’ beliefs. He’s very loving in his own way, and is super-attentive and helpful to the elders in his family- he’s “stepped in” where he’s seen that they were being neglected or ignored. He definitely has a strong internal “fire” and passion!

  • Andrew M. Carroll
    Reply

    Hi, I’m an ESTP and involved in a long term relationship with an ENTJ. I can give you some perspectives of someone who is intimately involved with a female ENTJ. Very much consistent with the personality type, she runs her own law firm and a local politician. She often says about many things in her life that she “likes to be in charge.” While I make no secret that I find competence, intelligence and ability to be a major turn on, having someone like this in my life can be very very difficult. She often neglects me as a partner, because, as she says being an adult and working is hard. As with so much in her life, she is indeed correct. However, she finds a way to take everything to its highest level and degree of complication. She never stops. She works literally all day from the time she is up until the time that she sometimes literally collapses at night. I offer her help endlessly but she never takes it. Yet, she complains that she never has time, never has a life outside of work and kids. She rarely ever allows anyone to provide help. She has to do it all herself. She literally gets offended when people help or try to help her. She is rigid in the extreme in so many aspects of her life. When I have problems with my ex and mother to my kids, she always rams questions down my throat about this and that and the “J” aspect comes crashing into my “P” aspect. I tell her often that my decision making ability is quite different than hers and that she just has to respect that. Many of her questions and concerns in general (not just about my kids mother) deal with her ultra high need to know. I’m more of a take as it comes approach. I’m highly educated with an Ivy League advanced degree and no shrinking violet, so I don’t doubt my ability to deal with pretty much anything life throws at me. She cannot handle that. She must have it all figured out and planned out in advance.

    As for personally. I know she cares, but she has an extraordinarily difficult time showing it. She always has to seem like she’s in charge. That means that her ability to express concern, love or any other loving or warm feelings are nill. She equates (as do many) expressing love with vulnerability and that is something that she cannot contemplate. She cannot and will not allow herself to be vulnerable. While I often tell her I love her and she sometimes tells me in return it has been over six months since she said she loves me on her own. Even when I do say it, her response is often “me too”. Her ability to cope with and deal with emotional issues is what I was like when I was a teenager. Given our jobs and work dynamic we cannot let others know of our relationship and so she often treats others at work with respect or at the very least friendship. At the same time she often treats me with derision or contempt. I’ve said stuff to her before and she apologizes but tells me at the same time that I’m being unfair.

    All of what I’m saying is that certainly many ENTJs have an outward appearance of competence and ability. Within relationships, however, there is a disturbing power play that requires them to always be on top, for them always to be the best at whatever they do, regardless of the cost to themselves or their relationships. They are often neglectful of their significant other’s feelings, but when it is brought up or pointed out to them, they certainly are contrite and sincerely apologetic but still revert back to their old ways rather quickly. They rarely ever care to change or, even more importantly, care to think about changing or care to monitor themselves to see if what they are doing is appropriate or fair. They are rigid and all about “efficiency” despite the fact that that approach cannot and does not work for interpersonal relationships.

    Good luck.

    • Charis Branson
      Reply

      Hey Andrew! Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences and observations. Your wife is going to struggle until she can force herself to slow down and explore her Intuitive copilot. Can you encourage her to get massages or go to a spa and get pampered (but only if she quietly submits to the attentions she is receiving)? Would she consider trying yoga? Anything that helps her slow down and get into her head will make her a more contented person.

  • Josephine
    Reply

    I can’t thank you enough for recording this podcast. I’m not being hyperbolic when I say the knowledge I’ve gained from this podcast has radically improved both my and my father’s life.

    I’m an 45 y.o. ENFP daughter with a 71 y.o. ENTJ father. For the past 5 months, I’ve been helping him downsize and sell his home. It’s been a major, 50-hour-per-week project for me that I volunteered to undertake because I wanted to help my father.

    Even though we both had good intentions, it took only a week or so for us to start clashing. Eventually, things got so bad that two weeks ago, I was considering quitting the project and taking a 2-3 month break from speaking to my father. But at the last minute, I decided – as a sort of “hail mary” move – to read up on his MBTI type to see if I could better tailor my approach with him.

    It was only upon reading about Effectiveness (Te) on your website, that I realized my father was leading with Effectiveness and not Exploration. Years ago, I – who is normally amazingly accurate at typing people – had mistyped him as an ENTP. My entire theoretical framework for understanding his behavior shifted immediately. As I listened to this podcast for the first time, I literally choked up as Antonia spoke about some of the traps ENTJs can fall into if they don’t spend enough time using their Perspectives process. What she said dovetails perfectly with some things I’ve repeatedly told my father during our recent arguments:

    • “You are acting like a bull in a china shop. Stop bulldozing me.”
    • “You have no clue how what you say and do hurts my feelings.”
    • “I have always considered you an ethical person, but you are treating me so poorly, it borders on the unethical. What has happened to you?”
    • “It breaks my heart to see you repeatedly shoot yourself in the foot by trying to take control of this project. The whole point was for you to let me manage things so you could relax. You’re acting like some sort of ruthless CEO. Frankly, you’re being a total *sshole.”
    • “Why are you are so impatient? You have this sense of urgency that is totally unwarranted and it’s making both of us miserable. In your effort to speed things up you’re making rash decisions that are hurting the project and hurting me. You’re not thinking this through.”

    Once I realized he was an ENTJ, all his seemingly whackadoodle behavior started to make sense. So two weeks ago, I sat him down and told him I wanted him to learn about the ENTJ personality type. To my surprise he seemed open to the idea. We’ve been hashing out the basics, but today he is listening to this podcast at this very moment while he is commuting. I’m trying to be low key about things, but I’m very excited to see what he thinks.

    I guess I’m posting this comment because I wanted to thank you for doing what you do. Whether my father decides to apply what he learns or not (and I think he will), I have a much better understanding of his thought processes and behavior. I can better attribute his motives and this will make my life so much better.

    But most importantly, I wanted to say to any other ENTJs who listen to this podcast, “Make time for self-reflection (Perspectives). This is especially important in your personal relationships. Let my father’s and my story serve as a cautionary tale. I know my father loves me, but he has never been able to understand/appreciate how my Exploration/Authenticity personality can get so “butt-hurt” by the things he says and does. It has hindered both of our lives and made us both unhappy. I know my father is a good man and is not consciously aware of what he has been doing. I feel sure that if he can make the time to focus on his Perspectives co-pilot process, we’ll both be better for it.

    • Charis Branson
      Reply

      Thanks Josephine! I found your story fascinating. My father was some sort of an xNTJ and he was in the habit of bulldozing everyone (I’m INFJ). In the last few months he was alive, he lived with me. I remember wishing I could be more patient with him, but he just drove me insane. Now I have a huge amount of guilt because I wish I had forced myself to be kinder.

      I think it’s awesome that you are able to gain some understanding of how your types interact. I hope he enjoyed the podcast!

  • Alyssa
    Reply

    I am a 26 year old ENTJ woman, and deeply resonated with what you discussed in this podcast. Although, I thought I might add a slight perspective shift on the last few minutes about roles being projected on female ENTJs. I would say that is true from a cultural perspective however it seems to be a problem we create. I have noticed women ENTJs are not given the opportunities to truly operate in our effective strategy giftings because we are often overlooked in favor of someone who is more outspoken. Then, to avoid being overlooked we offer premature solutions as to not be overlooked and miss on a chance to participate/contribute. This does not project well on us. This may be a personal problem as I tend to be lighter on the “J” than many, but I would be curious to hear if any other ENTJs had experienced this

  • Fatima
    Reply

    Hi!
    I’m a 26 year old female ENTJ. Well I have a lot of questions and confusions which I’m not sure I’ll be able to communicate but here you go.
    So this would definitely sound really selfish and probably immature and unlike ENTJ, but, honestly speaking, we are obviously not robots and we do have feelings. I think the reason why I do not show feelings is that I feel very strongly about some things and once the emotions come on the outwards, I don’t know how to handle them. And well yes, I hate looking like an emotional wreck too so I just decide to never go there. I really don’t know how to deal with that. And for the selfish part, why doesn’t anyone try to understand us? :p I loved how you described how we tell people that we love them or how we ask them “do you love me?” It was SO ON POINT! But why don’t people see value in that? Doesn’t this ignorance make others more superficial? We work really hard on what really matters, and we might chill out if given the confidence that others can be trusted with it. (Oh lol! Probably sounding like a typical ENTJ) :p
    Also just in general, I think as I’ve grown up, I’ve changed a lot from being judgemental to really putting myself in others shoes. It really is an exhaustive task to be honest, but I think it has improved my relationships too and have made me compassionate. People do frustrate me still, but not as much :p I think I’m kinder now.
    And you bringing up the roles part I just felt a huge load being lifted off my shoulders. My whole life I have been fighting so much with the need to fit in a box which to be honest, I don’t really respect. Why should I have to change just because I’m a woman? Why should I have to lower my standards when I know I could be doing a job equally good or better than a man? So why would you suggest us to work around it?
    Also, the traumas you talked about, bad things did happen but I don’t think they have an effect on me. Or probably I’m in denial? How do I deal with that?
    Lastly, ENTJs are often described as doers and go getters. But I have ambitions and great plans but sometimes I end up just day dreaming more than actually going through with them. Also I just tend to procrastinate till it gets too late and I feel like giving up or do give up. What is up with that? Because I do feel like an ENTJ, I hate myself when I’m not achieving and I tend to go into depression, but I keep getting into the same cycle. I start doing things that give me short term pleasures but I continue to go deeper into the dark place of feeling like a failure. I think that’s the sensation part you talked about. How do I stop being lazy and be consistent in working on my goals?
    Well I know that was a lot of me :p but I hope you’d help me a little here.

    • Miles O'Brien
      Reply

      Hello Fatima I am a fellow ENTJ, male though. Someone I found really helpful to learn from is Elliot Hulse on YouTube. Check out his videos. Being an ENTJ we tend to be very high pace individuals and in today’s society this can really cause us to lose track of ourselves. Elliot Hulse teaches how to calm down and focus and tune into your body’s needs ie: the check engine light. As ENTJ’s we tend to ignore our body’s needs, which can be good but a lot of times it can be very detrimental if we don’t know when to stop and reflect. Watch a couple of his videos about goals and discipline and he will give you the foundations you need to build the strongest version of yourself. I actually recommend you look up that exact question that you asked here, he has tons of videos on it.

  • Miles O'Brien
    Reply

    I recommend also knowing your VAK learning style. I’m an 18 yr old ENTJ but also a Bodily-Kinesthetic learner, meaning its easiest for me to process and learn information while I’m moving. For a long time when I skateboarded as a serious pursuit (something I later dropped for drawing comic-books) I would skate and listen to videos on social calibration and inner-self knowledge ( I know its wooey but when the trained professionals say that it works, i’m in no place to argue.) I didn’t know at the time, but the fact that I was in constant motion while listening to these videos was part of why It was so easy for me to retain the information. Ie: You don’t want to be an visual learner trying to learn things primarily through touch and sound, when it would be 10x easier to understand with maps, diagrams, videos, or books. Just a little tip.

  • Miles O'Brien
    Reply

    also one more tip for ENTJ’s, stopping to reflect and plan out life will be very difficult to do. It’s not something you will take to very easily even if you have the knowledge (as an ENTJ I know.) My word of advice is DO NOT TRY TO DO IT ALL AT ONCE. instead of working all day from morning to night, try to stop 30 minutes earlier than usual and spend that extra time sitting with a notebook and pencil. trying to uproot your productive habits all at once will never work, but if you stop and reflect for short periods of time, your brain won’t recognize the change and you won’t feel too unproductive.

    Aim to do this for a week and gradually increase the time until you have around 4-5 hours where you can just reflect. the important thing to note here is that it is true you won’t be as productive that week in the short run but in the long run you will reap much more rewards than you can ever have imagined.

  • Bill Day
    Reply

    So I’ve discovered in the last 6 months I’m an ENTJ. Meyers Briggs has been helpful in many regards, obviously. Very powerful stuff.

    For me the most challenging has been what she described as dysthymia when I’m dealing with emotions and self reflection (which I must say they were were very accurate in describing). When I realized I was ENTJ I was going through a tough time. Co workers were challenging my systems, which pushed me into a self reflecting sort of mode. These ‘challenges’ were nasty interactions which caused much emotional pain making it more difficult for me to get through the self reflection. Somewhere around the 3 month mark I started to come out of it. It’s been up and down since, but I think I’ve finally made it through the majority of self reflection process.

    I’m open to suggestions on ways to get through the self reflection process and emotional pain more efficiently (there I go with the ENTJ, right? Trying to set up a system!!!). Anyone has any suggestions I’m all ears. I have a small library now of self help books that I reference when required which helps, but seems like my own experience is so unique that no one book is a silver bullet.

    Great site you guys have here, great podcasts!

  • Isaac
    Reply

    Hi Guys,
    Thanks for sharing the Podcasts. Typed myself as an INTP but someone said I might be an EN. So after taking a full day to have another look. What relief to be an ENTJ

    I’m looking for sensory distractions all over the place. Find it so difficult to look inwards. I need proximity in my work and have a burning desire for leadership. I want to design systems but I can’t stick to a routine? Boy there’s alot of limiting beliefs to change..

    I have felt like I need to pull over for about two years. I know what to do it’s look inwards to decide on my values beliefs and final goal. But it seems so in authentic because I’ll always do things based on the situation I’m faced with. I need put paper infront of myself brain dump regularly write it all down so I can work on few ideas. I’m always looking for the internet’s help. It’s so distracting. I don’t feel I have a strong sense of identity. Except I feel deserving of success. I’ll Before I write anything down I need to research. “How to write empowering history” and I’ll continue to find scenery like this to avoid doing the work.

    My book recommendations:
    “The Power Broker: Robert Moses and the Fall of New York”
    “Steven Pressfield the-war-of-art”

  • Annie
    Reply

    How do you help an ENTJ who is avoiding authenticity and has not built grounds for perspective so they are stuck on stimulation for the here and now? They have achieved greatly in the business world and continue to do so. Their personal perspective “distraction” they use to avoid looking inward and checking in is stimulation. As you say “cutting the light from the dash” and avoiding introspection. They complain of not feeling as much as others but avoid feeling up into a point of when things become overwhelming then there is tears for hours with an incapability of explaining why they are crying.
    Hope you can provide some guidance.

Leave a Comment