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In this episode Joel and Antonia talk about accepting yourself as you are vs pushing yourself for new personal growth.

In this podcast you’ll find:

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Paradox of striving for self acceptance while practicing self development (Thread here).

The reason we get into personal development is usually due to being unsatisfied with the way we are. We are willing to do the hard work to get to a place where we are more satisfied with a certain area of our life.

People in personal development may start with one area of life, like weight, then realize the power that comes with changing one’s life. So they start looking for other ways to grow and change.

Some approach personal development from a platform of dissatisfaction.

Others approach it from a platform of full satisfaction. The desire to reach the next level.

Most people start off with worldview that life is a problem to be solved. As they grow, they start to realize that life is a game to be optimized.

What is your premise when you approach personal development?

  • Is it because you feel broken?
  • Or do you think things could be better?

People who get into personal development have a tendency to be hard on themselves. They accept that there are failings and they don’t want to rest on their laurels.

How hard are you on yourself? What is your self talk?

We can learn to accept others by learning to accept ourselves. Or we can learn self acceptance by accepting others first.

Can you become your own friend and cheerlead yourself to greater advancement?

Merja’s Inner Child work and self parenting – INFx Unveiled Program

We should always assume that everyone is making the best choices they can based upon their current level of development. Most people do what makes sense to them.  

As you grow your choices will get higher quality, more mindful, more informed.

None of us have arrived at the pinnacle of personal development. We are all growing and developing.

Give yourself space to grow and cut yourself a little slack.

When we are in a strong growth period and we start to feel worn down it indicates we need to cut ourselves even more slack.

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When somebody is really beating themselves up they may need to take some time out for healing.

But if you find yourself stagnating and you don’t feel good about your achievements, or if your self esteem is decreasing it indicates a need for achievement.

Self acceptance is the ability to listen to your soul, your body, your psychology, your emotions, and give yourself what you need in the moment.

Maslows Hierarchy of Needs

We all have the need for self esteem and self actualization but we may be stuck at an earlier need that is going unexpressed.

Self acceptance means acknowledging that you have basic fundamental needs in order to become a better version of yourself.

Personal growth tools are there to serve you, not vice versa.

Self improvement is a journey not a destination. None of us will become the most amazing version of ourselves in a single lifetime. Our lifespan is not long enough – which is tragic.

Since this path is a path that doesn’t have a final destination then personal growth isn’t going anywhere.

If you need a time period to chill, feel free to slow down. If there is a time where you feel amazing, go ahead and sprint. You don’t have to sprint though. This is a marathon. Pace yourself.

Your litmus test is your enjoyment of your growth. How do you feel about what you are doing. Does it feel good?

There is always going to be movement – forward or backward.

Self acceptance vs pushing yourself to growth is a false dichotomy. It’s not an either/or scenario. Wherever you fall on that continuum you’re okay.  As long as you are moving in one direction it will prevent you from moving backward.

Don’t underestimate the importance of rest periods. Sometimes we get the greatest “Ahas” when we are chilling out and all the hard work can start to percolate.

 

 

 

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Showing 13 comments
  • Randy Caba
    Reply

    I’m glad self acceptance and the understanding of cognitive processes and healing were all mentioned because most of us experience some lingering emotional wounds from childhood but there are those that suffered serious cognitive development trauma and thus wrestle with grave issues in adulthood.

    A better understanding of the human-condition spectrum can be acquired from many counselors/coaches on YouTube but Dr. Dan Siegel is a personal favorite as is the R-rated Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach and his occasional therapy dog, Max. There are others too numerous to list but it’s a means worthy of investigation to better accept ourselves and understand then accept or better manage others.

    And there are no ‘shoulds’ in this world… love it. One of my favorite sayings by a friend’s counselor is “Stop shoulding all over yourself.” It graphically demonstrates how wretched shoulding ourselves can be.

    Rapid Healing Tip: Learning How to Feel the Feels Makes Life Suck Less
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHiFnJ2Mx68

    Flipping Your Lid: A Scientific Explanation
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0T_2NNoC68

    • Charis Branson
      Reply

      Thanks for sharing those, Randy! I look forward to listening to them.

  • Dana S.
    Reply

    Great topic. As a TJ type, I totally resonate with the struggle of pausing my stream of productivity to fulfill some other (seemingly lesser) need such as eating a meal or taking a phone call. Thanks for calling this out, Joel.

    • Charis Branson
      Reply

      Thanks for the comment, Dana!

  • Melissa
    Reply

    Love it! My clients really enjoy your work, too – use it frequently, thanks!

  • Michael Puett
    Reply

    I like the idea of reframing. I have found that reframing everything in life as feeding you, collaborating with you, secretly rooting for you to win is the best frame if you want to develop. Seeing it as ‘hard work’ as ‘oh I have to work AGAINST this thing’ will suck you dry. Come from a collaborative frame, not a competing frame.

    • Charis Branson
      Reply

      I totally agree, Michael! Competition robs me of any positive feelings about getting where I want to go. I would rather lose the competition than feel the anger and resentment that inevitably surfaces whenever I am in a competitive environment. Collaboration is a much better way of looking at things.

      Antonia and Joel discuss that in this podcast on Tribal Leadership. Have you had a chance to listen to it? http://www.personalityhacker.com/podcast-episode-0069-tribal-leadership/

      • Michael Puett
        Reply

        Thanks Charis Ill check it out now.

  • Stephanie
    Reply

    When I was about 20 I got a full time job through a temp agency. I was leaving a 4 year private college due to financial reasons and planned on starting at a local community college the following term. The temporary job wasn’t supposed to be temp to hire but they liked me so much they decided to keep me. I hadn’t had any experience in the job field, other than what time I had been a temp there, so I felt very honored that they kept me. I felt proud that I had worked hard enough to earn my spot. Since I got hired on full time I couldn’t go back to school full time, so I’ve been taking 1 class here and there in the last 2 years. I’m almost 22 now and would be graduating this year (and some of my friends are) if I had been able to stick with a 4 year college. While I’m still proud of where I’ve come, my workplace has become very negative and hard to deal with. I keep playing scenarios in my mind of where I would have been or where I should be, a 22 year old college student graduating soon and earning my degree. I also feel like at this point in my life I just need to drop college, the 1 class I am taking per semester (I need 8 more to grauduate from community college), because it’s an extra stress and a financial pain. At the same time I don’t want to disappoint my Mom who would love to see me be the first in the family to get a degree. Am I just going to follow in their footsteps? Is that a bad thing? I’m just very confused about my situation right now.

    • Charis Branson
      Reply

      Hi Stephanie! I wish there was an easy answer. I think it is awesome what you are doing so your mom has bragging rights. Maybe you just need to take a term off and enjoy some R&R before returning. Can you take off the summer?

  • janet
    Reply

    Haven’t had time to listen to it y e t – B U T — you nailed it with the title heading. You have aLot of good answers and – hey — you are summing things up in fewer words and – i got it already. Thanks!!

    • Charis Branson
      Reply

      Thanks for the feedback, Janet! If you are referring to the podcast notes, I just recently took over doing them. I am gradually learning to write less. However, when I come across a really kick-ass topic I still go a bit overboard. I flatter myself by believing I am testing people’s speed reading ability. 😉

      Thanks for your patience. 🙂

  • Rod
    Reply

    Being an INTP, I can’t tell you how many times I have had those flash visions, AHA moments of a solution or some design idea I’m working on, it’s literally out of nowhere. At least in my mind I consider myself completely disconnected from that project and POW, it’s weird. I never tell anyone, how do you explain that? That’s when the handcuffs will surface.

    Great podcast!! Makes sense.

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