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In this episode Joel and Antonia talk about coping with emotional triggers in your life.
In this podcast you’ll find:
Our triggers help us to shine a light on the dark space of our own feelings of inadequacy.
Triggering happens for all of us. If you want to find out what your triggers are go to an online community like Facebook.
We are emboldened by the anonymity of the internet. Things we would never say to someone’s face we will say to a total stranger on Facebook.
When we become triggered, our emotions make us think they need immediate expression or we may die.
Triggering is related to some ancient programming.
A trigger is anytime your ego feels obliged to defend itself. Our ego is there to keep us alive. When it takes a hit we feel obligated to fight.
If the ego allows itself to the see the trigger for what it is – which can be feelings of inadequacy or something within that needs attending to – then a door may be open to change. If we change we are no longer the same person. That part of your ego dies.
That is what happens in personal development. We go thru many stages of ego death and become unrecognizable to ourselves. The part that want wants to keep us physically alive hitches a ride on the ego and thinks we need to stay the way we have always been in order to survive.
Begin by recognizing what a trigger does for the individual. It is a service that is provided by the outside world.
- We create our experiences.
- We are challenged to change and evolve.
- Coaches help us along the way.
How do we create the best world we can? By allowing these triggers to shine a light in dark places and see what needs attending.
When someone in our world triggers us we project onto them that they are doing something to intentionally harm us. What if it had been written a hundred years ago and that person was no longer alive? Would you still be offended?
There is a seductive nature to being offended.
Indignation gives us a boost of inspiration to get us into action.
Righteous indignation feels good and we can get addicted to it.
Detox from that emotional addiction so when we do feel triggered we can be more aware.
A very empowered way to understand triggers is to feel gratitude to the person for bringing attention to something we may not have been aware of.
If we can get to a point of confronting triggers with gratitude instead of anger we will have reached a space where we can control our triggers.
Everyone should be taking responsibility for their own triggers. We can’t force someone else to take responsibility for their own triggers. We aren’t on this earth to make other people pay for the wrongs we think they have done.
Rumi “If you are irritated by every rub how will your mirror be polished?”
We see ourselves through other people and vice versa.
Every trigger is a gift.
Don’t let the triggers gain mastery over you.
Righteous indignation is the fast food for the soul. While fast food tastes good initially it has a bad long-term cost.
There are greater longer term benefits from more positive emotional intelligence.
Use the same thing that causes the trigger to get you out of the experience. If the trigger is around pride and ego, then you can attach yourself to a higher ethic of pride like:
- How do I want to see myself?
- What is a better ego stance I can have?
- What other things can I be proud of?
We have the ability to slow the process down and not have the reaction to triggers that can get us into trouble.
Avoid taking action in the moment of emotion explosion. Wait until there is no emotion attached before you decide to respond.
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