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In this episode Joel and Antonia tackle the question… should you only date certain Myers-Briggs personality types?
In this podcast you’ll find:
Does type predict a good/bad relationship?
The short, unhelpful answer is – NO, you cannot predict a good relationship based on MBTI.
The longer answer is – Sometimes.
There is an entire system running when it comes to an individual – culture, Enneagram, Myers-Briggs type, etc.
We forget that attraction isn’t a choice. It is just something that happens to us.
I would caution anyone who limits their dating pool to ideal MB types. You are removing the element of surprise. You may find your ideal type just outside what you consider as acceptable.
Where most people start is which MB types are the most compatible?
The more helpful place to come from is what do you, as an individual, find attractive?
If you are making individual decisions based on massive broad-brush rules, you might have a bad time of it.
Shared values and interests are far more impactful than type.
Enneagram is another strong predictor of compatibility. It determines how a person deals with stress.
Lots of different demographic breakdowns we can look at that will influence one’s ability to maintain attraction and long-term compatibility.
If you break things down to the theoretical level of type, there is a danger. There are lots of other factors that go into a relationship than just type.
In business, just because somebody is of a certain type doesn’t mean they are the best one for the job; or, that they should be discounted because they aren’t of the right type. Character comes into play.
What should you be looking for?
What are you attracted to? Some people are very attracted to a particular cognitive function.
How willing is the other person to work on the relationship?
Can you get some of your needs met outside the relationship?
The rule is there to serve you. You are not there to serve the rule.
Are you becoming the type of person that is going to be the best at who you are so you can attract the most amazing person in your life, no matter their type?
If you grow yourself, you are going to have to shift how you find compatible people. You may not be able to find dates on singles sites or community events. You may need to broaden your horizons and travel to a distant conference where you will meet others on the same personal growth trajectory as you.
The ultimate message is you can’t predict compatibility by type. The biggest node of the system is who you are, and who are you trying to become?
Typology can become rather insignificant when two people who are on the same trajectory meet.
Typology can come into play, but shared interest is paramount.
Type is only one node in the system of the emergent of attraction and a good stable relationship. Not the only node.
Not cause and effect. Just because someone is a certain personality type does not mean they are going to be your best match.
If you are on a personal growth path and that is your primary focus, type becomes a much smaller indicator. Finding a person on the same personal growth path as you is going to be bigger.
If you aren’t on a personal growth path, type may be a bigger node in the system because it will predict compatibility in ways that may prevent conflict.
Conflict is harder to manage if you are not on a personal growth path.
People on a personal growth path prefer conflict because it points to areas of growth opportunity.
If you are in a pair bond relationship, and you are feeling fatalistic about it, your partner may be your opportunity for growth.
Conversely, if you and your partner are creating a dynamic that is perpetually conflict oriented your relationship may be complete.
Typology is a tool that has its uses. In some situations, it is more useful than others.
Let your pleasure and bliss guide the process. Don’t serve the tool. Let the tool serve you.
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