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In this episode Joel and Antonia talk about the difference between people who invest in material things vs people who invest in life experiences.

In this podcast you’ll find:

  • Frameworks help us make distinctions around things that don’t have distinctions.
  • We came up with a framework called the Lifestyler vs. Homesteader framework.
  • See resources, activity, and possessions within a framework.
  • A way of understanding how we prioritize our discretionary time and money.
  • Lifestylers are people who want experiences in life. They enjoy what they’re doing rather than what they’re owning. Travel, trying new kinds of foods, exploring, etc.
  • Homestylers gravitate more toward nesting. Not so much materialism, but putting discretionary time/income into the homestead. Instead of spending weekends exploring and traveling, they spend their time improving the homestead.
  • Most people choose one or the other. To have both requires a lot more resources.
  • Partners can have different values. One can be a homesteader while the other is a lifestyler, which can create tension.
  • Most of us have a portion of both of these in our lives. We want a nest and the ability to explore, but we will skew more toward one versus the other.
  • Older generations appeared more homesteader focused, which could be related to living through the Great Depression or WWII.
  • Millennials are more lifestyle focused. They are changing the entire wine industry because they drink so much of it.
  • There are also seasons of life. When someone has young children, they may feel more inclined to homesteading. When you are childless, or young & single, you might trend toward lifestyling.
  • Antonia and Joel are lifestylers. They spend a lot of money on trying new things.
  • Lately, Antonia has wanted to be more of a homesteader as their family grows and she sees a need for entertaining guests.
  • Antonia feels taxed by the lifestyler schedule. Logistics of travel can be exhausting at times. Systems need to be set up to maintain the things that need care while traveling – pets, kids, mail, business, etc.
  • Homesteaders seem to have chosen a more simple approach to life. Managing the details of life is easier when you’re not always picking up and going.  
  • We get encouraged to be lifestylers by the media, but if you aren’t investing money wisely, you get some negative feedback from others.
  • Know what your natural tendency is. Give yourself the permission to choose the lifestyle you want.
  • We don’t measure our lives exclusively by the number of possessions we have. We also measure our lives by the experiences we’ve had.
  • Some people feel satisfied in being a safety net for their children and grandchildren.
  • We may not give ourselves permission to gravitate toward lifestyler because we get the message that we need to establish a homestead first.
  • Recognize where your preferences lay. Make sure you are getting your intrinsic needs met.
  • Each perspective is equally valid.
  • Time is a valuable commodity. Just as money is.
  • Lifestylers are more focused on how they use their time.
  • Homesteaders are more focused on how they use their money.
  • In a couple, both can figure out ways to get needs met without trampling on each other’s toes.
  • Lifestyle people have a tendency to have more examples of things that have gone badly once the money runs out. (The older couple working at McDonald’s because they spent all their money RVing around the country.)
  • Homesteaders can become so focused on possessions that they can become hoarders.
  • If you figure out where you fall on this spectrum, see if you can’t dip your toe on the other side.
  • When we get to the end of our lives, we want to make sure we have the resources to support ourselves.
  • We need to put aside assets to care for ourselves and avoid being a burden to others.
  • If you’re a homesteader, try dipping your toe into the lifestyle realm. At the end of your life, you may regret the things you didn’t do or experience.
  • Lifestyling isn’t always about having fun and experiencing new things. It can also be learning new things, attending seminars for personal growth, or moving to another country to work.
  • Discretionary time/money indicates there is some surplus. Don’t spend all your money having fun and forget to pay your bills.
  • Lifestylers tend to be more focused on the top of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – self-esteem, self-actualization. Lifestylers feel they have the basement needs met by being content with less.
  • Homesteaders are more concerned with the lower needs – safety & security, and love & belongingness.
  • Lifestylers need a lot less to feel safe and secure. Homesteaders need a lot more.
  • What do you need to feel safe and secure?
  • People who hoard have a pathology around having to feel safe. An endless black hole that is never satisfied.
  • Lifestylers need so little that they may spend money they can’t afford and lose their security.
  • Recognize if your need is unrealistic. Get a balanced perspective.
  • Lifestylers: You realize that time is linear. It is a resource that will eventually run out. You recognize your mortality, which only allows you a certain amount of time to experience life. The best thing you can do is wire your brain to see resource generation outside the bounds of time. Generate enough resource to have time recouped and save for the future.
  • We get these templates for how reality is supposed to work and they don’t quite fit for us. It’s good to understand different maps and models so you can tailor your world to yourself.
  • Set up your world to accommodate your needs.
  • Most arguments around money are not about money. They are about safety & security.
  • Be open to different perspectives and create win/win scenarios with your loved ones.
  • Podcast: The Cashflow Quadrant

 

 

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Showing 5 comments
  • Mel
    Reply

    I think “Lifestylers” are somewhat Benjamin Button types: they live life backwards. Like elderly people, they realize time is a limited resource and they focus on experience. I imagine Lifestylers become more like Homesteaders later in life, once they’ve experienced enough and want to set roots where they can have something solid to hold onto. Homesteaders live life in the normal fashion, from baby to elder; they want sometime solid to hold onto to feel safe when they are young, but as they age begin to realize time is limited and become more like Lifestylers as they are old.

    Not to overgeneralize, but I imagine intuitives tend to lean more towards lifestylers, and sensors tend to lean more towards homesteaders.

    My ISFJ Mom and ESFJ sister give me quite a bit of grief over my “Lifestyler” ways (ha, huge shocker, I know). I’m an INFJ, and I am not nearly as sensitive to safety and security as they are (no Si). My ISFJ Mom switched from homesteader to lifestyler when she turned 60 and the house was paid off, the kids were gone, and a fat retirement check coming in.

    • Chelsea Irish
      Reply

      I thoroughly agree with the “Benjamin Button” piece, but the trend I think leans more toward the difference between people looking for safety and security versus people who are looking for new things to learn and new experiences in general.

      While I’m sure it’s possible, I can’t imagine too many dominant Se users being ok with trying to hold down a house from the get-go. Nor do I see a security-focused INxJ wanting to bounce around to a ton of places. So I think it ultimately has more to do with a person’s current fixation than it does type, though I do agree that a person’s type also informs the fixation.

      Ah. A chicken and egg scenario.

      Lol. Anywho. Right on. =)

    • Charis Branson
      Reply

      Those are fascinating observations, Mel! Thanks. I agree with some of your points. As an INFJ myself, I imagine a future where I grow old living in a cool old farmhouse that is all mine. I like the idea of security when I am old. For now, I want to use my youth to travel and explore. But there are a lot of people who do it in the reverse like your mother. Is it Si that drives that? Or Fe? Fe is about doing what is expected on a societal level. Si is doing what has always been done. So, the combination of the two would seem to create more of a homesteader outlook.

  • Katie
    Reply

    My husband and I were just talking about this the other night! We both value time over money and experiences over possessions. However, we don’t travel a lot because… we value time over money, and travel is expensive, lol. We hope to travel more once our money isn’t so tied up in raising the kids. For now, we share experiences at home– game nights and movies and short trips to places nearby.

    • Charis Branson
      Reply

      Hi Katie! Thanks for the comment! My hubby and I are the same way. We try and get our traveling needs met with short day trips. We pick some new town to explore and leave bright and early. We try to keep our expenses under $100. Once a month seems to be the most we can manage with this arrangement. Fortunately, we live in a place that has a lot of new places to explore. 🙂

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