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In this episode Joel and Antonia talk about the emotional scripts we run as people to get ourselves to feel specific emotions.

In this podcast you’ll find:

  • Once we have a narrative, we look for evidence of that story in the outside world.
  • Scripts are compulsions to play out a scenario about who we think we are. The attempt to experience an emotion that we believe we need to experience.
  • When someone is looking for an emotional experience, and they can’t find it, they will play out a script that will guarantee they get to experience that emotion.
  • Some people will use the emotion of anxiety to create motivation.
  • It can be addicting when it has proved useful, and like an addict, we will resist anyone who tries and point it out.
  • These scripts are usually unconscious.
  • Scripts are auto-responder sequences to kick on an emotion we think we need to feel to be okay.
  • These scripts are very subtle, and people get good at running through them. They can be difficult to spot – in ourselves or others.
  • Are there things that you’re doing to reach an emotion to which you have become addicted?
  • When that script gets threatened, we usually come up with a story of why we need to have that emotion. It has become a necessary part of our survival.
  • Westworld – Once the hosts on this show got some consciousness and memories keep resurfacing, they had this compulsion to finish out their scripts or mission.
  • Joss Whedon Dollhouse.
  • We have these foundational drives inside us that turn into these scripts. Until the script is satisfied, we get fixated on experiencing it.
  • Sometimes we just have to let the script run and get the emotional hit before we can move on.
  • If we are in conflict with another person and they are triggered, instead of pointing out what is going wrong, back off and do what you can to facilitate their script. Let them experience the emotional high.
  • When a person is in the midst of acting out a script, that is not the time to point out what they are doing.
  • Wait until the battle passes before talking about strategy.
  • The first step is awareness. Find the places in life where you are working to replicate an emotion.
  • Second, strategize a way to avoid repeating the pattern. Ask those closest to you to call you on it.
  • Set up a reward system that helps you shift the script to a positive emotion instead of negative.
  • Scripts are often shortcuts to feelings we want or need when we don’t want to take the time to experience them organically.
  • We could have a ton of scripts that are running – new and old.
  • Esther Hicks – Don’t let your emotions control you.
  • Figure out what the person is looking for in a script and give it to them.
  • Are these scripts running to chase an emotion?
  • If you are wondering where you use scripts, ask yourself where the conflict is in your life.
  • Are you and your partner having the same fights?
  • What is the underlying pattern of the fight?
  • What assurance are you seeking?
  • Spotting scripts is tough.
  • Presence work is crucial.
  • Meditation is a fantastic way to get inside the watcher – the part of you that watches your ego act.
  • If you can get to the space of the watcher, then when you are running these scripts try observing from where they are coming.
  • If you keep going down this road, what is the endpoint? Is it worth the anxiety and conflict?
  • What are some of your scripts?

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Showing 8 comments
  • Ben P
    Reply

    This episode reminded me a lot of the concept of “rackets” taught by the Landmark Forum—”Racket is a fixed way of being and a persistent complaint. Rackets are used in case of loss of power, freedom, self-expression or peace of mind. Payoff: Right/wrong, dominate/avoid domination, self justify/invalidate others, win/lose.” Just like these “scripts,” everyone is running a racket—probably more than one—and it’s difficult to recognize them without extensive work done in self-awareness.

    • Charis Branson
      Reply

      Thanks for the comment, Ben! I’ve never heard of “Rackets.” I will check it out. Thanks!

  • Kenneth
    Reply

    Games People Play by Eric Berne and Scripts People Live by Claude M Steiner. The podcast describes Transactional Analysis.

  • Melody
    Reply

    This podcast reminded me of what happens for me emotionally when I’m in my 10 year old or three year old places and I start to enact behaviors based on the aspects of me that are less developed which are memory & and ffectiveness. I start to get bossy & start delegating badly (not a strength) and one of the scripts is “nobody ever supports what I’m doing-which is essentially their job as well”.The emotional hit I get is a tough one to articulate-but it’s sort of the validation that no one cares about me and that no one gets me-I think I’m addicted or I create and re-create to some very negative emotions because they are “home for me”..and I’m wondering if there might be some relationships here between personality components & these scripts.

  • Ev Baker
    Reply

    Hi Guys, I’ll give you an example of one that I became aware of while listening to the podcast. I am an ENFP. My profession is in the medical field and the work environment is not conducive to my more flamboyant, creative and bohemiun personality. I find myself dropping that I go to Burning Man to co-workers or anyone else who may not know me well. What an emotional hit I get if I can at least get raised eyebrows!! Even better if questioned about it and can share/educate about the experience and share that aspect of myself. Woohoo! 🙂 big time.. in looking for perhaps a healthier way to handle this disconnect which I feel hinders my authenticity, I am looking to engage more often with like-minded individuals in which I can express myself and my creative endeavors in a supportive setting. But I also feel that my authentic side is a crusader for shaking people up. I am a rebel. Any feedback would be appreciated as this part of me runs very deep.
    Thanks,
    Evelyn
    (btw way, just realized my playa name, Tanome…”to know me” is to love me, reflects this strong need to be understood and known/loved etc. Whew, this is quite a therapy session! Haha)

  • Kim Keener
    Reply

    Very revealing training, it’s so true everyone has scrpits they play out on a unconsious level. Really great job you Two being transparent with some of the details in your realationship. It has allowed me to step back and review how I can be better at helping others with the Fears they deal with too. Reflecting on a Family situation over the Holiday’s, sure has become alot more clear on how to allow all involved the space to grow and still maintain the abality to be the one taking the action to assist the growth. Supper revealing, Feeling like the biggest winner in this….. so cool!!! Thanks to both of you!!! Keep up the great work.
    Thank you,

    Kim Keener

  • Nicole
    Reply

    What are some basic emotional script themes? In list form? (I’m an INFJ, lists help..) E.g.:
    – Reassurance
    – Righteousness
    – Superiority
    – Validation
    – Competence
    etc…
    What are some words everyone would use?

  • Shelly
    Reply

    Powerful. I am one who “steps back” and observes, attempting to get below the surface and find the root issues. Speaking of scripts and achieving an emotion gives me another avenue to find those roots. Thank you so much. Have been thinking about it all week and just listened again to take notes. I am encouraged to think back and realize that this was the process I used to diffuse the emotion of fear a couple weeks ago as I faced an uncertain outcome to my husband’s serious surgery. The void was filled with some faith based principles which diffused the fear and brought peace. I have other scripts that are running about money and future security which I hope to step back and observe next. I’ve noticed them but haven’t yet replaced them with something positive. Thanks so much for the help in putting “vocabulary” to this process and more clarification on how to proceed.

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