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In this episode Joel and Antonia talk about getting balanced on the opinion of others.

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  • Leah
    Reply

    I’ve listened to this episode 3 times now. I’ve spent my life in most of the Joel camp, thinking there is something wrong with me when it turns out there was a lot that was projection. I grew up with a Christian mother and Arabic father and receiveed a lot of “shoulds”. I struggled with self esteem issues as I did my best to repress the shame cauldron brewing inside of me, until thankfully I learned some helpful tools to work with the pain. As an overcorrection, I swung to Antonia side and could analyze what was going on for everyone else but did not and would not accept any external feedback. While I’m more balanced now, I still have a hard time discerning between what is projection and what is actually a disowned part inside of me and need to spend a lot of time being present with my experience to get clarity. Thanks a lot for this podcast I’m going to continue to listen to it when I feel helpless or confused or need a reminder:)

  • Shelby Nicholson
    Reply

    I got angry at two people recently that demonstrates the difference between what Joel and Antonia are discussing in this podcast about how rubs are either reflectors of needs in ourselves that need growing and what are things that need our personal opinion but no apology. A person I love slighted me recently, and I went into a snit for three days. As I was analyzing why it rancored so much, I realized it was pride, inflexibility, and a lack of resiliency that was preventing me from apologizing – three no-good traits that show a defending 10-year old driver (I’m INFJ). The other person I got angry with I lit into and then I backed off, wondering why I was able to forgive so easily. Looking for the growth potential there for myself I saw none. It was a case where as Joel describes ‘what is is.” It was his business to grow and learn, not mine. The moral of the story is that when rubs festor and rancor, it’s because they are reflecting dark parts of our beings that need growing, but when rubs can be shaken off without further ado, it’s more about the other person than ourselves. There’s nothing wrong in stating your opinion on something and then backing off. No apology required. I must admit though with the first example, I questioned for a while whether I was right and he was wrong and came to the conclusion that I was wrong.

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