Podcast – Episode 0077 – Developing Patience With Yourself
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In this podcast Joel and Antonia talk about developing patience with yourself as you go through your personal development journey.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- As you’re making changes to free up your psychological energy, oftentimes you will feel stuck on the process. How do you survive and have patience with those big transition time periods?
- We have this idea that anything that doesn’t look concrete and tangible (anything that feels more abstract) should be quicker to achieve because you’re not facing the same physical challenges or limitations in the outside world.
- Generally, when we are making changes in our lives, we’re always going to see tangible or physical results. For example – getting better friendships and relationships.
- Understand that no matter what you do in life, it would always take time to manifest.
- Personal development works the same way because it also takes time.
- A lot of the tools and interventions involved in Personality Development require discipline and you may not notice it, but the changes appear subtle. This is because we are living with the results.
- Steve Pavlina wrote an Article about being patient in his personal development. He recommends not seeing it in timelines of 6 months – 1 year, but actually seeing it in timelines of 5-10 years (which you’ll see major changes).
- Any characteristic worth developing, is worth developing in 10 years.
- Try looking back at yourself 5 or 10 years ago and identify the major changes you made in your personality development.
- One of the reasons why we get impatient with ourselves is because we create unrealistic expectations.
- How do you survive when changes are happening very slowly? Setting realistic expectations and getting your needs met.
- Things are way more interconnected in life. There are different nodes/pieces that are needed in order for things to happen. Check out the episode about Systems Thinking.
- The more personal development you do, the easier it is to do the next one.
- One of the best ways to have patience during your personal development is to have those little celebrations (acknowledge your progress/changes).
- When we see other people who we believe are gurus (the people who inspire us), understand that it took them a long time too. It took them a long time to study (read books, attend seminars, etc.) work their way to the level of personal development they’re in.
- Remember that we are all in this path. For everyone, it’s a long timeline.
- Celebrate the small stuff, make sure that you’re doing a lot of energy management and have enough positive reinforcement. Keep an eye on your progress and the changes on how you’re improving.
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I found this podcast after a very frustrating day when I did a search on Spotify for developing patience. While listening to the episode, the summary thought that came to mind was this… even after leveling up we still get killed by noobs. We must keep going.
Hey Antonia and Joel! I’ve been listening for almost a year and I think I am up to date. Because of that and how easy it is to connect with you guys, I feel like I am invested in your success on a large and small scale. Every time you guys mention an achievement that you’ve made as business people or as a couple I do a little happy dance. This podcast was a little different.
After my happy dance at Antonia’s level up, you triggered a completely different emotion. When you said that you finally thought highly enough of yourself that you were indignant about the way you perceived that Joel was treating you, it made me burst into tears. Even though it turns out you were banging things with a hammer willy nilly, it’s so cool that you got to that place where you were ready to defend your worthiness. As a woman, it’s so easy to back down and not defend your worthiness against a societal system that has ten arguments against every one female positive statement.
It’s something I work on daily in my career and my relationships and it’s great to hear about success from people I look up to in so many ways.
Thanks for sharing!!!!!!!
I recently started listening to the podcasts, and have finally made it to this one. I’m in the Dallas/Fort Worth area of Texas, and I would love to attend a meetup! Thank you guys so much for the podcasts. They’ve come to me at a time in my life where I am receptive and they are incredibly relevant. I listen to several episodes a day, and I often feel like Neo in The Matrix. “I know kung-fu!”
Would love a meetup and see yous here in Chicago.
I’m really glad you talked about the struggle of personal growth. I’m even more glad you shared such a personal story, and I commend you for doing it. You really helped me understand the complexities of personal growth and how the high and low points can look. I had been feeling a little stuck in my own development and you gave me a new perspective and much needed reassurance. Thank you so much, you’re podcasts are wonderful!
This podcast gives a thoughtful explanation of the, “Wait… what?” that often accompanies scaling up. I think Antonia’s personal question about ‘choosing’ happiness is an especially helpful, practical insight for me.
YES to facilitating some kind of meet-up here in the Midwest. Chicago, Minneapolis, Des Moines, Iowa City, or Madison – onward and upward!
I loved this podcast. I loved Antonia’s level up moment and the slight regression and that it he story was relayed from an honest place. Too many people would gloss over that and personal development isn’t that simple. Joel wanted to protect Antonia, and the courage of Antonia to give us what she was comfortable and even what she isn’t comfortable with was soul-affirming to listen to. I could feel the joy and the pain.
More of this please. The best podcasts and life stories come from the passion of the subject being shared. As I have said before on here, you two are an amazing couple and watching (listening to) your development is inspiring. It spurs me not to settle for any old relationship because I will not be happy if my partner and I don’t both explore self-development as this is the lifelong pursuit of this INFJ.
Re a Meetup group. I am in London and I would love to help you get that off the ground here.
I am a member of an Meetup London MBTI group, and we had the most amazing, stimulating meeting last Sunday. Ten INFJs there. I don’t know ten INFJs in real life.
Please, please contact me if I can support in any way.
Thanks for the feedback Lisa! I’m glad Antonia and Joel’s style resonates with you so strongly.
As for a meetup in London, that would be awesome! I would love to be in a gaggle of other INFJs! 😉
This podcast is genius, and I’m so glad you’ve made it! Informative and of great importance. Thanks for opening up, as an introvert (and Fi dom) I know how uneasy it can be. (I hide most of my inner life – even miscellaneous little pieces! – except for really close relationships). I cried when you talked about beauty, Antonia – I can relate.
Also the thing about patience and different phases you go through when developing, it’s spot on and gives you a new perspective. I had similar period in my life, I just felt dumb having all those ”good intentions” and reading so much about personal development, yet still achieving ‘nothing’. I look at it differently now 🙂 I see it’s some kind of process I might not understand fully, and I refrain from judging it. Just accept it while striving for the best.
I’ll let it sink in and it’ll surely sparkle a discussion later 😉
Great Post on “Being patient with yourself” and especially thank you for your sharing of your vulnerable and personal moment with each other. That is true leadership.
You make good points regarding the long time line …….. however……I am 60 years old and have been doing personal work for years and years and years. I am a mental health professional and do my work in that area too and…..need to say that it is still extremely difficult to meet the kind of people, socially, in any forum who will connect at that deep level you speak of on your blogs. I am an INFJ and yes, I always want to go to the deepest possible level; and yes, I am sensitive and intuitive; and yes, I am sick to death of having people tell me that there is something wrong with that and I am too sensitive.
I do not want to be depressing to all those young people out there but it is important to know that there are no guarantees and as Antonia says, there is the external factors and not just the internal factors in this equation. Our Western culture does not encourage depth. Will I stop doing my Work? No, of course not, but it just means that one can, at times, even 30 years later get tired of the search.
YES YES to an online meet-up. Of INFJ’s?
Thanks for your comment, Marilyn! I’m sorry you feel it has been such a struggle to find like-minded people. I have a theory that there are more Intuitives now than ever before. Which means there are more being born every generation. Older generations may not have seen the saturation we are seeing now (“saturation” being a completely relative word). Or, if there were Intuitives in older generations they were forced to blend and are pretty much unrecognizable. If the people you are surrounded with are not Intuitive, I can see how it may seem like you are lost on a desert isle.
There are ways to find more Intuitives, but it is challenging to an introvert. Here are some ideas: https://www.personalityhacker.com/podcast-episode-0024-finding-your-tribe/
Until we launch the online meet-up, please be assured you can reach out to us (I’m an INFJ). My email is charis@personalityhacker.com.
Antonia, Joel, you are to be commended, one of the most outstanding podcasts I have heard. Thanks for being so courageous and sharing the level up story, it gave me a few personal realizations I am very grateful for. :o)
The main topic of using a longer time frame to evaluate our lives is fantastic. In a world somewhat focused on immediate gratifications and external competition, this sort of faulty thinking can poison our own natural tendency to grow out of it and be happy. The short game may be useful on occasion, however the long game is the real one.
Meet ups sound like a great idea.
Thanks for the feedback, Leo!
Last week I wrote in my diary: “Why am I so impatient, why do I want to achieve everything at once?” and now you did this podcast – perfect timing as always! I truly appreciate that you share your development journey with us, it is an inspiration!
Thanks for sharing your development with us, Caroline! Be kind to yourself. 🙂
Sure :)! By the way: I just remembered an article that might be helpful to impatient people: “Life is a Picture, But You Live in a Pixel” http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/11/life-is-picture-but-you-live-in-pixel.html
It is not quite about personal development but I think it still is very useful (and the info graphics are so much fun!).
Thanks for the article, Caroline! I fight the same tendency of ingratitude. I’ve been working harder to appreciate the present more. The two Ted Talks referenced in the article sound interesting too.
Hey 🙂
I live over in Scotland and your work is unbelievablely helpful in a real time of soul searching and rebuilding for myself. I also think a chat room for the community to meet like minded people on the same path would be a fantastic idea on top of the meet and greet events (wish sadly I wouldn’t be able to attend haha)
Thanks for chiming in, Amy! Scotland is never out of the question. I would love to go to Scotland!
I, personally, appreciate the vulnerable places you both are willing to go. It’s a new model of leadership that’s necessary. One tool I use when I am being hard on myself or in a moment of suffering is self-compassion. You might like Kristen Neff’s book of that title. I’ll share her self-compassion mantra here:
This is a moment of suffering
Suffering is part of life
May I be kind to myself in this moment
May I give myself the compassion I need
I find in the heat of any moment, if I can access this, I am the better for it and the moment is the better for it! I also extend compassion to the people or person involved. It’s a really easy tool that’s hard to weaponize.
Thank you for your feedback Andy! It is always hard to go to such vulnerable places, but feedback like yours makes it worthwhile.
I looked up the book you referenced. I think it sounds excellent! I am in the process of memorizing that mantra, too. 🙂
I needed to hear this on so many levels and I would love to hear more from Antonia’s story. I have a major personal growth project that I have wrestled with for about five years (a big chunk out of my 21 years). I have started to seriously implement change for less than a year, so thinking in terms of five to ten years for notable change is VERY helpful.
Thanks for the feedback, Micah. I really liked the point that the time is going to pass anyway. You might as well do something today that you future self will thank you for.
My brother suggested I try your personality test and podcast. Love it and yes I would be thrilled if I knew of other ppl in my area that followed you. I enjoy talking with my brother of his intact on things and I can image enjoying it with a group of people. I live in Louisiana and it’s been rough to move from the north to the south. This has been like my first peace of mind lately and I can’t thank you enough.
Thanks for the feedback Shelley! Louisiana would be awesome!
At the end of the show you asked if listeners would be interested in local meetups, and I’d definitely be interested in a meetup in Portland, OR.
That will be an easy promise to keep, Kristy. We love Portland!
First time listener here, and I found it really interesting. I’ll listen to another for sure. Hearing Antonia’s “level up” moment, felt enriching since my wife has similar challenges.
It seemed like thinking of yourself as “sexy” helped you let go of the belief that your self worth was tied to beauty, but to me it seems very similar and almost a replacement. What happens if you don’t feel sexy? Perhaps you were feeling very confident? (which is extremely sexy imo)
Anyways, I’d love it if you would explore the topic a bit more, and I look forward to the next show.
Thank you.
Thanks for your perspective, Jotaro. You make a good point. Sexy surpasses beauty because beauty can be skin deep and eventually fades. Sexy is a state of mind that need never fade.
I’m sure the conversation will come up again. Thanks for being a podcast listener!