Podcast – Episode 0217 – Discrediting Feedback Does You No Favors
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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about using feedback to calibrate and refine your perspectives.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- Logical Fallacy – Tu Quoque “You Also”
- Appeal to hypocrisy
- Discrediting someone’s argument by insisting they have never acted consistently on the matter.
- It doesn’t matter what their behavior is. If what someone says is true, it is true.
- Boundary setting is the framework.
- “You aren’t perfect, so who are you to tell me what to do?”
- Introverted Thinking: What is true? It doesn’t matter what anyone has done before now.
- This kind of thinking prevents you from ever growing, improving, or seeing your faults.
- Nobody has a perfect record.
- Group codependency.
- “Codependency can be distilled down to ‘I won’t call you on your shit if you don’t call me on mine.’”
- If I say a particular behavior is bad, it doesn’t matter if I’m a bloody hypocrite. It’s still bad behavior.
- You can say, “You’re right. It is bad behavior. I have seen you do it, too. Let’s work together to keep this from happening.”
- Can you get to a place in a relationship where someone can call you on bad behavior, and you can hold it?
- No matter how much we dislike a piece of info, we can’t shoot the messenger.
- The universe gives us gifts when they point out our misbehavior.
- It helps us become better versions of ourselves.
- “I do better in fantasy. Thank you very much.”
- Choosing rightness over happiness. You get what you want but at the cost of ultimate satisfaction.
- Short-term gain for long-term loss.
- If your behavior is hurting the outside world, it is because it has already done its damage inside of you.
- You are just spreading the damage around at this point.
- Let the info be the catalyst to work on that inner stuff.
- If you are unwilling to listen to negative feedback, then you will rarely receive any positive feedback from the universe.
- Ironclad defense strategy
- How can you be receptive to outer world feedback?
- Instead of seeing everyone else’s behavior as an agenda intended to destroy you, is there some truth in their observation that can help you grow?
- What truth can I find in this?
- The ego hits can be tough.
- If you are at a place where you can’t receive feedback, you have probably created all sorts of barriers and boundaries to feedback.
- Start to look at feedback as a message from the universe. Disregard the delivery system.
- That is someone’s experience with me.
- How can I show up in a way that is more consistent with how I see myself?
- Don’t shoot the messenger. Do some detective work to find the gold.
- They see you a certain way. Why is that?
- Feedback that makes you squirm podcast.
- Take the feedback.
- Some people’s path of growth is not absorbing every piece of criticism and internalizing it.
- Some of us have a fundamental belief that we are flawed, broken, sinful, and wicked.
- The default setting is sin and hellfire.
- Very toxic environment to be born into.
- No matter how much abuse was heaped on top of you, it is your job to take it.
- For someone with that kind of programming, then accepting every piece of criticism may be the exact opposite of what they should do.
- If you are in a toxic environment that is heaping criticism on you, the message from the universe may be, “How much of this shit are you going to take before you get out?”
- If you are the defensive type, the messages you are getting may be more content focused.
- Or it may be, “Hey. Let some barriers down. Let in some feedback!”
- For people who are wired to take things to heart, you have the right to have some pride and set some boundaries.
- A willingness to listen to everything and take it can also be prideful.
- House of Cards: Frank Underwood visits his hometown and says that their humility is their pride.
- The picture of health is somebody who has healthy boundaries.
- Let people in until it becomes dangerous.
- Some people Tu Quoque themselves, “I’m not perfect enough to give anyone else criticism.”
- Last weeks podcast
- Can no one make a mistake anymore in the world?
- In-fighting takes down such movements.
- Some social justice warriors give the whole a bad name.
- Perfection fidelity.
- The results are better than some of the processes.
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