Podcast – Episode 0221 – Managing Energy In Personal Transformation

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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about how to manage your energy levels when doing intense identity level personal transformation work.

In this podcast you’ll find:

  • Personal growth is about metamorphosis and transition.
  • Metamorphosis takes a lot of time and energy.
  • Betsy Garmon Journaling Technique
  • Personal Development can look so designer, but it is hard work.
  • Identity level growth burns way more energy than standard everyday growth.
  • Some deeper growth may pull you away from your life for a time.
  • Identity level growth challenges who you are.
  • Once the caterpillar enters the cocoon and starts changing, it can’t stop the process.
  • You have to be willing to follow through no matter the results.
  • Rewards can be murky. Results can be painful.
  • You aren’t changing who you are. You are finding who you were.
  • You are finding the original new, not a new you.
  • The original you may have never wanted the choices your ego made.
  • It can be expensive.
  • “If it were easy, everyone would be doing it.”
  • Be honest about why you are starting a personal growth journey.
  • Practical ideas for growth work:
  • 1-Get clear on what it is you want to transform.
  • You don’t always have a clear picture of what the other side is going to look like.
  • Don’t get too specific about the results.
  • Questions are more important than answers.
  • 2-Set expectations and boundaries for yourself or others that may be impacted by the work.
  • Don’t be too specific about what you won’t be doing. You have no idea how things will turn out.
  • Give yourself enough space to explore what needs to be explored.
  • 3-Timelines: schedule regular time to do transformational work.
  • Be proactive. Schedule a retreat or seminar.
  • Get a friend to hold you accountable.
  • First schedule your R&R. Increase the quality of your rest.
  • High-quality alone time.
  • Take care of yourself physically with enough rest and nutritious food.
  • Create a touchpoint to record your personal growth experience.
  • Journal
  • Ask people you trust for feedback.
  • There needs to be an integration process.
  • A rest period to allow your identity to recover.
  • Ask yourself: “What does this mean?”


 In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about how to manage your energy levels when doing intense identity level personal transformation work. #podcast #personalgrowth #metamorphosis

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Showing 12 comments
  • Jane

    Nice comment with helpful tips. I think I made the comment about hydration and now I just feel like it was unwarranted. Stay hydrated Personality Hacker!

  • Avlis

    Thank you! This podcast helps me a lot in accepting my own limits! I did a lot of transformative / inner healing work this summer – and I tried to do too much in a very short period of time. After this intense work there was an outer world conflict that ended up in misunderstanding and people feeling hurt. In fact it wasn’t dramatic from a neutral point of view, but for me it was disastrous. I’ve been working with one of my inner critics to heal the inner child he’s protecting (and hurting). I just went my first steps to build a trustful relationship with him. After this outer world fight he came down on me with all force he could muster – and my traditional defenses against him where all down.
    Now I understand, that I do better when I choose the time to work on such vulnerable aspects wisely and that I need to take it more slowly and give myself time to adapt to inner changes.

    A few words to Non violent communication:
    In fact it’s no skill to learn – it’s transformative personality work, too.
    It’s not about talking in a special “non-violent” way, that wouldn’t do the job for you. Most people notice when you talk friendly but scorn them internally.
    Really it’s about changing your attitude. You learn to differ needs from – sometimes harmful – strategies to fulfill them. So you set boundaries against harmful strategies but stay sympathetic for the needs behind the strategies all the while. And you begin with being gracious to yourself. You learn, that there are no mistakes, just “things we wouldn’t have done had we known then what we know now”. In my own growth work I combine Non violent conversation with MBTI and Inner child work (Internal Family System).

    – Avlis, INFJ

  • Kaley

    I love this episode – I think Antonia should be tired more often… the metaphors and abstractions were amazing and actually quite clear:)

    Thank you both for all you do!

  • Lisa

    Antonia, I have been doing intense, almost non-stop personal growth work for over ten years due to a number of traumas that have occurred during this time. I completely resonate with your tiredness, but you give me hope that I’m not doomed to be tired for the rest of my life. I do sense that I’m on the verge of a major breakthrough within the next year, and with that hopefully a renewed and sustainable energy level. Some of my identity level questions are “Why am I always so tired?” and “Why is my tiredness and my desire to connect with others always at odds?” I feel like my identity in its current form is “too tired to follow my heart in loving and serving others”. I’m very encouraged after listening to this podcast.

  • Max

    Hello there! Discovered your podcast very recently and loved it! I want to urge you to make an episode on resistant spouses. Two years ago, I ended an 8-yearlong relationship and a 3-yearlong marriage as I couldn’t get my ex-partner on board in my journey of personal transformation. Would love to hear anything related to it. Best wishes!

  • Jess Visher

    I *loved* the abstractions! It’s not often you hear homeschooling, diablo and portal mentioned within the span of five minutes! That made me giggle.

    And I loved you guys sharing a bit of your struggles. I’m also doing some personal work- it’s probably not as intense as yours- but growth nevertheless and you’re right, it is hard. Joel your point about finding your “question” really helped me. I worked on that the next day and going in a couple of levels revealed this huge wall from my childhood that I had no idea was there. Hubby and I worked it out that night and we broke through! But it wouldn’t have happened without your suggestion, thank you!

    Fun to do with the kiddos: https://www.google.com/search?biw=1366&bih=603&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=W1zjWvODBISb5wLCxaWoDw&q=portal+companion+cube+origami&oq=portal+companion+cube+origami&gs_l=psy-ab.3…….0…1c..64.psy-ab..0.0.0….0.SbeG_4SxVEs

    • Jess Visher

      Edit: I should say we successfully identified the wall. I now have some work to do 🙂

  • Sandra

    Hi Joel & Antonia
    Thank you so much for this podcast !!!
    It so presented at the exact right moment in my life.
    I am in the middle of a huge identity transformation and I have been so tired !
    You guys just confirmed my intuition that this was due to the emotional impact of these transformations so I can be reassured and continu my journey confident and full of curiosity of what the outcome may be.
    I used the butterfly metaphore just the other day to explain what I was going through to several friends. And Antonia, please do not change the way you podcast, and Joel neither, I so love the way you talk abstractly !

  • Ruth

    Hi Joel & Antonia! I love love loved this podcast! Having gone through a divorce about 3.5 years ago, I have done a ton of personal growth work and it is extremely exhausting. I appreciated the guidance for how to approach this work and I think I can actually use that so I can complete some of what I started a couple years ago. I’ve been floating around for a bit and I’m getting pretty tired of that. When Antonia went into describing the terrain and process that you guys have used to explore each of yourselves I was able to visualize it completely and it made total sense. You were completely speaking my language which honestly doesn’t happen very often for me (with people in my life) so I got super excited and into it (I’m an INFJ by the way). Also, just a little positive feedback for Joel; the use of the word metamorphizing was completely accurate and I appreciated it very much!

  • Lucky Wright

    Hey! Thank you both for sharing your thoughts on this topic!

    Right now I’m nearing the tailend of an intense identity personality growth period. And, I wanted to mention and remind everyone that the energy consumption will get easier and easier to manage the further you go down your personal growth journey! Also, the better you manage your time, the less harsh your personal growth process will become!

    Keep your head up, manage your time wisely, and never stop growing. That is a recipe for nearly seamless growth and a happier life!

    -Lucky Wright, ENFP

  • Renata

    Hello, I’ve been listening for a few months now to multiple episodes and this has been one of my favorite ones yet. You actually sounded really good, Antonia, I really enjoyed the free flowand the metaphors did resonate with me.

    I have not been keen on joining the online conversation because I assume that podcast-makers just encourage that to get the traffic on the website and not really care about the stories, but you two seem sincere enough on your interest and writing down my experience with energy and transformation seemed like a good exercise to gain some clarity and next steps myself.

    About six years ago depression, eating disorders, and a bad break-up finally made me seek some professional help. That brought about some massive waves of transformation that involved bringing back and resolving some episodes of childhood abuse that had been buried. I was lucky enough to have a small inheritance to rely on that allowed me to not work for the months where I was too exhausted to leave bed, go on long backpacking trips on soul-searching, and go back to school on a field that I really do love.

    I guess the pickle I’m in right now is that for six years my life was this phase of constant transformation flurry of insights, amazing growth and exhaustion. It was a bit subconscious that that was my pattern until I listened to this podcast. Now that my financial cushion and my master’s program is almost gone, it’s time to really put my feet in the ground and integrate the transformation into a “normal life” and that had been scaring the hell out of me lately. “What am i gonna do when I need 12 hours of sleep or get away to the mountains for four days to gain clarity?” said my fears. I knew at some level that my lifestyle was not sustainable, but it’s as if I know no other way to live other than the hell of depression and self-hatred I had before then.

    “I still have a lot to learn and polish! How am I going to manage that now?” was another doubt that kept popping up, so it was great to hear that not everything has to be cleaned out in one blow, that you can schedule it out and still have a normal life through the changes.

    Anyway, again, great number and I wish you two much luck on your journeys. If you get inspired to do more podcasts on the integration phase of insights and transformation, I would be most thankful.

  • Ash

    Women Who Run With The Wolves is so…*chewy* and potent, for me (I’m 35), I’ve been taking it one chapter at a time for two years, and I’m only halfway through. (ntp female here) My youngest daughter is just now to the point that she can make herself a snack/sandwich and doesn’t need me every minute of the day, and I think that’s why I’ve finally been able to pick up the pace! Otherwise, I think my entire world might have fallen apart around our heads.

    I’ll say, though, that every time I choose to take time out to process a bit of that, my creative work explodes, because it’s like getting a piece of my soul back. That to say, I find the returns to be so very worth it. I can’t…*skill* myself into being a deeper person creatively, if that makes sense. It has to be transformative, I think, at least for me. So this podcast and facet of personal development is timely and resounded.

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