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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about protecting your energy by creating good boundaries – not only with other people – but with yourself.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- Life is not a dress rehearsal podcast
- Everywhere we turn we see society trapped in a drama triangle
- We put too much power into the hands of victims
- We must recoup what we have lost in the drama triangle and turn it into an empowerment dynamic
- The Drama Triangle is dress rehearsal mentality
- “Something has to be fixed before I can live my life.”
- If we want to make an impact in the world, we need to be militant about protecting boundaries
- We sometimes have to set limits with ourselves
- Creating boundaries with yourself requires self-discipline
- Noble distractions – the distraction itself may not be unhealthy, but it may be unhealthy for you
- Some of us have to opt out of the social justice drama to avoid getting lost in the perceived nobility of it all
- The more you know where you’re heading, the less you can be pulled in directions that are distractions from what you’re supposed to do.
- We all want our lives to matter
- What is the point of posting things that create anger or righteous indignation in yourself and others?
- If our lives are going to matter we have to stop doing the crap we have done up until now
- We focus on individuals helping themselves and try to avoid current events and political alliances
- When we don’t have to deal with the drama of survival, it is easy for us to attach to other forms of drama to make our lives mean something
- Virtuous distractions can rob you of the energy you need to reach your true potential
- Are you staying on a nutritious path or being distracted by the purpose version of candy
- The universe doesn’t care about how many Facebook likes you have
- Posting stuff to Facebook doesn’t help anybody. Take action yourself.
- Change comes when you change the minds and hearts of people
- No savior is going to make the changes necessary. We have to be the savior!
- If we are going to see a change in the world we have to do it.
- When you grow up in the context of social media you imagine that what happens virtually happens literally. But that’s not how it works.
- The same skills that work in social media don’t translate to the physical plane
- People under 30 spend 41% of their day on their phone.
- We are becoming more disconnected from each other
- Social media seduces us into thinking we are doing something by being engaged with it
- It is powerful for people to be physically in each other’s presence
- Our infrastructure is crumbling because we live in a virtual world.
- Everyone believes things have to change for someone to live the life they want, but it happens in the opposite
- People go and do the things that are important to them, and they gain empowerment along the way
- Self-actualization is an emergent that comes from getting into action
- Don’t mistake online rules for real-world rules. They aren’t transferable
- Protect yourself against the seduction of the things that siphon your mental real estate
- The drama from social media is not a giver. It is a taker. You don’t get anything from it but synthetic hits. It’s like Cheetos. There’s no nutritional value.
- When you try to do something big and you have a trajectory even if you don’t accomplish your task you will still make progress because you are in action.
- We frame personal growth as being an epic action that changes the world, but sometimes it is just something small.
- The legacy you leave on Facebook is not going to be your legacy. It won’t have a lasting impact
- Millennials: It isn’t your job to save the world
- Being empowered doesn’t mean you saved the world. You may be a great parent or human being.
- You impact the world by having every person who engages with you have a better experience
- The idea that you have to change the world is outsourced thinking. There are no rules that say you have to change the world.
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13 comments
Almost everything I say comes from a calibrator perspective. When I indicate caution for aspects of modern movements it’s not to imply there is no value in them. If any specific movement is emboldening you to see yourself as a creator in the world, to act with assertiveness and stand up for yourself then in those contexts you are not in the Drama Triangle, but in the Empowerment Dynamic. I’m sincerely glad the #MeToo movement has been helpful for you in this way.
A
p.s. I receive email and messages from people (exclusively women at this point) who are unhappy that I’m not championing their cause more. I’ve been accused of being a bad feminist and a lazy leader for not being at the forefront of social causes. To some extent, what you hear is me trying to clearly articulate that is not my path.
INFP, F, 36
As our society evolves and breaks down I believe that acknowledging my privilege and integrating that knowledge into how I show up as a citizen has been a part of my personal growth. I don’t feel the need to be a hero for the entire planet.
Antonia, I hear again and again in your content that the idea of victimhood in the news rubs you the wrong way but I think there is a valid in-between place where you can apply how to be a better citizen into your personal growth narrative without feeling like it’s your job to do it for everyone. Your podcast is about personal growth and I don’t think anyone expects you to address social justice issues…
The #metoo movement gave me the strength to scream at a man who was following me down a dark alley to “stop following me!” (After the same man had done it to me before and I had to run away too scared to say anything) and screaming at him loudly made him stop and other people take notice so I was safer. I don’t see how that is a drama triangle. I think that was standing up for myself after consciously understanding that street harassment is not ok for women to put up with after all the awareness of the #metoo movement was present in my mind. See what I mean?
That’s fantastic! Exactly the purpose of the podcast’s intent – to encourage actions (large or small) that make a real difference. <3
A
If this is inappropriate, I suppose I apologize(sorta?). But I absolutely loved hearing Joel’s anger, truth, And passion because it’s far and few between when he let’s himself go like that.
I struggle with this all the time… I can’t read any post on FB when I already know what that post is triggering because my intp female logical challenging self can be hard to reel in.
Thank you for giving your truth and taking the negative hits such as less likes, less followers, and perhaps more confrontations.
Again, Joel you are amazing when you allow yourself to express in regards to those deaL breaker values you have. I normally resonate with Antonia’s point of view but Joel does and should snap me be back to other insightful perspectives.
I appreciate both of you.
Xoxo
First, I LOVE this podcast. You guys are my friends in my head and I am considering driving “miles and miles” to meet you and all the like-minded people you attract at your meet-ups.
The high-level point that resonated with me, and that has been my biggest “aha” moment over the last year or so, is how important being accountable for my life is and how important it is to me to be around others who are interested in being accountable for their lives. I think this may be where the larger shift, that so many of us are seeking, resides.
I literally used the “board of directors” analogy in a conversation with my husband a few weeks ago: it seems as though there is a committee that directs him about what he should have and how he should be living his life, but, oddly enough, it seems that he is not a member of this committee himself. It was crazy and really comforting to hear someone, with whom I’ve never had a conversation, use the same analogy.
I appreciate you guys for what you do.