Podcast – Episode 0291 – Important Childhood Lessons For IxxPs and ExxJs

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In this episode, Joel and Antonia use the “FIRM Model” to talk about the important childhood lessons for IxxPs and ExxJs.

In this podcast you’ll find:


  • Check out part 1 in this series to discover the important childhood lessons for ExxPs and IxxJs, and learn the concepts we build upon in this episode.
  • How these episodes relate to the FIRM model – learn about this model created by Joel and Antonia here.
    • What do the letters in the FIRM model stand for?
    • How can your type’s FIRM fixation result in creating strategies that prevent you from learning life’s lessons?
  • IxxPs – the lessons they can learn to navigate through their “Rightness” fixation:
    • What do we mean by the term “Rightness”?
    • What does it mean to lead with an introverted judging function as your Driver process?
    • How IxxPs avoid “exposure”.
    • The powerful tool of self-discipline and motivation for IxxPs.
    • Learning to adopt rituals in your daily life as an IxxP.
    • Why do IxxP types struggle to get going in the first place?
    • How getting into a rhythm can prevent IxxPs from undermining the systems around them.
    • Why integrating changes at the identity level is the key to success as an IxxP.
    • The importance of having a channel to the outside world as an IxxP.
      • The role of articulation and expression.
  • IxxPs as children – what are the two main ways they tend to show up?
    • How can you help an IxxP child overcome their fear of judgment?
    • How can you integrate these lessons as an IxxP adult?
    • What are the main things you need to be aware of if you’re a parent who’s an IxxP type?
  • ExxJs – the lessons they can learn to navigate through their “Management” fixation:
    • What do we mean by “management?”?
    • What does it mean to lead with an extraverted judging function as your Driver process?
    • Why having an introverted judging function as your 3-Yr-Old can result in a lack of internal calibration.
    • How you can slow down as an ExxJ type – and the results you’ll see when this starts to happen.
    • Getting in touch with your “why” as an ExxJ.
    • The ExxJs ability to create neural superhighways.
    • Examining the dark side of the delayed consequences ExxJs face – and how this differs from the IxxPs’ experience.
    • The importance of setting the right metrics as an ExxJ.
    • Overcoming image management.
  • How both ExxJ and IxxP types can paint themselves into a corner based on the identity they project to the world.
    • How you can help ExxJ or IxxP children overcome this tendency.


In this episode Joel and Antonia use the "FIRM Model" to talk about the important childhood lessons for IxxPs and ExxJs. #INFP, #ISFP, #ENFJ, #ESFJ

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Showing 8 comments
  • Dan McCaffrey

    As an INFP, I totally identified with the fixation to protect my rightness. And people attacking my decision making process is the story of my life (especially my 17 yr old ISTJ[I think] daughter).
    Being self disciplined is also a huge struggle for me. Again, these episodes continue to help me find things to ruminate on throughout the day. Thank you.

  • Jessica

    I’m an INFJ with an ESFJ mother-in-law, and this helped me to understand the way her brain might be operating. We used to get along great, but over the years there has been more friction, especially after my husband and I had children. My MIL has a tendency to take charge over my house and kids when visiting, as if things won’t get done if she doesn’t do them herself. I feel completely irrelevant in my own house. I also take offense to much of what she says because she seems to have zero filter, while I think very hard about what I say before it comes out of my mouth. Taking this perspective of seeing her as someone who operates on quick responses helps me understand her actions more.

  • Dana

    Another spot on episode! I was highly motivated & self-disciplined as a teen & young adult INFP, but I kind of feel like I’ve lost a lot of it over the years – depression & burn-out took their toll. Now I feel like I have figured out more who I really am & live life more true to myself, but the cost has been that I have the WORST time motivating myself to start long-term projects/journeys anymore. It’s pretty disheartening. I would love to hear any tips other IPs have used to incorporate good habits or rituals into their identity and how to stay constant thru the time of just *not* wanting to keep at it. (I’m probably really looking for the magic pill here; it’s not like I have read a ton of books on making changes & forming habits!😂)

  • Gwendolyn Lee

    Thank you for this podcast! It is so helpful in giving me ways to assist my ISFP son in personal growth. I will ask him to listen to it as well.
    As an ENFJ- I struggle alot with ESTJ’s. They feel like bulls in a china shop for me. If I work for one especially- which is often. You point out that we struggle with the same lesson to learn; agreed.
    The rub I find is that we don’t co-exist well. We are both trying to manage the shared environment for a different metric. I am managing for harmony and they are managing for metrics accomplishment.
    Any thoughts on this?

  • Chaz Stone

    So I was just about to write this and Joel literally took the thought from my mind. As an INTP I can have a ton of discipline provided that it is 100% congruous with my sense of authenticity. Once I’ve rationalized, systematized, and routinized something, to not then follow that through is, in my mind, disingenuous, inauthentic, and a betrayal of my own ideals; ostensibly who I am. That won’t do. For the majority of things I want to do, I have all of the hallmark proclivities to remain inert. But for a select few, albeit often for a fairly brief period of time, I muster the drive to not only get started but to also incorporate that into my own narrative (cognizant as I am that this is exactly what it is). At that point, I refuse to allow myself the leniency to let it slip. INTPs have the ability within us to be tyrannical to our own selves; in both positive and negative manifestations.

  • H

    This was a lot harder for me to follow and understand. Probably because the fixations had more to do with decision making. I’ll listen to it again.


    • Josh B

      Agree (except for your use of the word authenticity , which implies Fi), and, I’m INTP. Except maybe 10 yrs later I’m not able to be tyrannical, feel failure. Figure I must not care about that whole area of life anymore. But I can’t let it go. I thought it was me. All those years of behavior, good compliance. I shdn’t let it go, not right to. Did I never deepily want it to be part of me, maybe just wanted to want it? Now what? Very tough, and I’m actually asking. Dumbledore is wrong about you being your choices; you’re more than that.

      Antonia and Joel, brilliant work here.

      • Josh B

        Apologies for my comment above, my tech is wonky. It was supposed to be responding to Chaz Stone, about an INTP being tyrannical with himself, which I agree with. But I have seen the tyranny suddenly disappear in one area or another. Then what, and what does that mean? Also, really the comment wasn’t supposed to post at all, or not until I edited for clarity. Oops.

        Thx for your comment, Chaz, and thx for the really helpful content, Joel and Antonia.

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