INTP Personality Type Interview (with Kristen Heble) | Podcast 0427

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  Dan McLaughlin 2022-05-06

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  In keeping with the theme of this particular episode, as an INTP male, now 67 years old, I had great difficulty with feeling for most of my life. I didn’t cry when my mother or father died, though interestingly, I cried uncontrollably when my canine friend of 13 years died, which really confused me.

  I have been a member of a barbershop quartet and chorus for about 36 years. Though I am not a professional musician, I was most fascinated with the technical aspects of it, and spent a great deal of time understanding the physics of sound and why chords “ring” when everything is just right. I have developed a pretty good level of expertise on vocal production and the technical aspects, but one of the members of my quartet, who is also the director for the chorus, is very much a feeler. Everything to him is about feeling, and we would often come to misunderstandings, because he always talked about the feeling of the music, while I thought we were not yet technically proficient to produce the feeling when things were not in tune, matched, etc.

  When I finally started to understand more about the different functions in the Myers Briggs system, it suddenly dawned on me why it was like we were speaking different languages sometimes. We both wanted the same end product, but approached it from different perspectives. I am more understanding of his viewpoint now, though I still believe that feeling is only effective in music when none of the technical performance issues are serious enough to get in the way.

  My feeling has developed a great deal over the last decade, through necessity. In 2012, my wife was diagnosed with fronto-temporal dementia, a progressive, always-fatal disease like Alzheimer’s, and at first I was pretty matter-of-fact about it. A few years ago, I was decorating the Christmas tree by myself when Karen Carpenter’s song, “Merry Christmas Darling” came on. I suddenly started to cry and couldn’t stop. I called my kids to come and have a decorating party to get it done. She is still at home with me, though she is incapable of any part of normal life functions.

  With my quartet, I wanted to learn the song “Always” for her, as in “I’ll be loving you always.” I had to sing that song probably a hundred times before I could get through it without choking up. Now we can perform it and it is a favorite. Feeling in music now has a whole new meaning for me.

  I now often find myself getting emotional about things, and actually welcome it. It is certainly therapeutic when you can do it. (There were actually a few tears in my eyes as I was posting this 🙂 )
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  Eric 2022-03-30

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  Great interview as always! This one really drove home to me, as a male INTP, how well I have it being such a type in a man’s body. The amount of adaptation she’s had to go through to really find her place among the sisterhood of society was noteworthy to me.

  I don’t know if this is the same thing as the “self-care bath time” idea, but walking alone outside – as a teenager I used to run my portable CD player w/ headphones and pace around the house in a loop, which was well beaten down by me & the other neighbors riding our bicycles in this same loop, and feelings/thoughts/insights (Ni?) would come out to me in that context. Nowadays it’s walking the dog, and I’ve made a daily habit (as of past 2 weeks) of securing 1 hour of my morning to walk the dog on the same exact loop, and my insights have started flowing from that space.

  There’s another weird thing I think relates, the specific routes where I walk tend to become associated in my mind by the kinds of insights I’ve come to when walking these trails in the past. I feel this is an Si-Ne axis attribute, where my self-reflection insights become permanently encoded with the physical environment around me as the “seed”, to borrow a cryptography concept. So when I walk that specific trail or street again, my thoughts harken back to earlier thoughts I had when I last walked that path. I feel this is an illustration for why engaging Ne’s implied agenda – finding new contexts – is so important, because retracing your same paths endlessly results in stagnant thoughts & ideas. (Now tomorrow I should choose a different 2.5mi loop to walk!)
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  INTP 2022-03-28

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  I really appreciate the interview styles you are having with all the types. They are great real life examples.
  Overall this one was well done. I can relate to much of what she said, although there was way more emphasis on hygiene that I expected. The daily routine of brushing teeth and showering is not a challenge in the least for me. I find self care such as making doctors appointments for routine checkups and teeth cleaning more challenging.

  Where this discussion seemed to fall short was on personal interactions. She mentioned challenges with the church environment, but that wasn’t really unpacked. I presume because she hadn’t figured it out yet. This is unfortunate because this is where I, and I presume most INTPs, are challenged the most. I’d really like to hear from a more seasoned INTP on how they overcome the challenges of making long term connections with others where Ti/Ne dominated conversations are not the root of the relationship.
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    Lesa 2022-03-28

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    I am a fellow INTP and feIt similarly to you as far as social interactions are concerned. I noticed that they have a course on here for INTP’s. The first line says how to navigate small talk and I really didn’t even need to read more to become interested.
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      INTP 2022-03-29

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      Thanks. I wasn’t aware of that and looked it up. I agree, navigating the small talk is a good topic. Although my impression from that training is it’s more work environment related rather than outside work relationships. It’s relationships outside the work environment where I am most challenged.
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        Antonia Dodge 2022-03-30

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        The Unleashed program isn’t specifically for work related challenges in socializing. There’s also a bonus session with Joel (ENFP) and our friend Dan (INFP) discussing a model to determine which relationships to put energy and focus versus relationships that may need less attention.

        -A-
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  Frank 2022-03-25

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  Good episode. As an INTP with abstract (IT + EN) thinking as my go to driver relating to the world that uses practically no abstract thinking has been the biggest issue. Difficult and lonely as a teen but not depressing as abstract thinking can make anything seem ok, a cosmic joke. I kept thinking My day will come. And it did meeting a wonderful ENFP and having a very rewarding medical career. Using IT to help people. I direct all my EF to my spouse and she loves every second of it.
  I would tell my 15yo self: go to the school dance and don’t F’ing care so much. Whew! that touches my EF a little bit. Better end it there.
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  Lesa 2022-03-24

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  I have taken the Myers Briggs test several times and always come up as INTP. I am female, 55, married almost 35 years (poor guy) and have 3 grown children. I related to some of what Kristen said. I feel like I can clearly communicate with men versus women and it is very frustrating. I would rather be able to enjoy more female relationships to share my hobbies with or just have friendships. I attempted retail management and although I found the work rewarding the connection to employees, especially female, felt fake if I tried to mirror their feelings in my mind and attempt a solution to a problem, it felt like an AI trying to formulate an emotion. I have even researched social disorders feeling that I must lack emotion, in particular empathy, to some extent or at least to the full amount that my female and male acquaintances feel. I really do appreciate people who can effectively communicate. I work in a print shop now and also design materials for print and love running the machines but now must find another path as the shop will close soon. I have watched and learned from my children who are very interested in the personal growth process and wish I would have found out about it earlier and am very happy they did.
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  Jen 2022-03-24

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  Okay so as an INFJ who of course also uses Ti and Fe – I have to share how resonant a lot of the talk around these judging functions was to me – even as a feeler! The considerable time I spent in my loop growing up has led to also finding ways to process my emotions. When you said that sometimes you watch a sad move just to get yourself to cry when you know you’re tying to process something – yes! I have even extended this to my kids when I can see they’re suppressing emotions, and it can be a great outlet. Fabulous advice in this one, thank you for being so open and vulnerable – and good luck being a SAHM ❤️. It’s a ride and not an easy one – I’ve been there – But I admire the value in it and wish you the best!
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  Alejandra 2022-03-22

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  Lol, this dude is totally INTP.
  Reminds me of my ex. Very decent man, very INTP as well.
  At least she was totally trying to understand the dynamics of feelings and emotions management.
  I’m always mesmerized at the different personalities and cognitive functions.
  My INTP ex used to struggle a lot with being assertive and saying NO unless he was upset.
  Good episode.

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