INTJ Personality Type Interview (with Mike Holden) | Podcast 0430
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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk with Profiler Training alumni, Mike Holden about his lived experience as an INTJ personality type.
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In this podcast you’ll find:
- Guest Host Mike Holden, INTJ, joins.
- Download our INTJ Personality Type Handy Guide to learn about the INTJ functions.
- How did Mike get into personality type?
- Mike shares how intuitive blending has affected his life.
- What is the relationship between Mike’s Sensation (Extraverted Sensing) 3 Year Old and how he used to show up in social settings?
- How did discovering his type change Mike’s life?
- How has Mike’s relationship to his Effectiveness (Extraverted Thinking) Copilot developed?
- Why does Mike find emotional intelligence and his Authenticity (Introverted Feeling) 10 Year Old to be important?
- Does living in Spain suit Mike’s lifestyle?
- What connection does Mike see between easily awing people with his intelligence when he was young and his resilience later in life?
- How has building habits and understanding compound effects been important for Mike in his life?
- How does Mike use his wiring to reach what he wants to achieve in life?
- Mike shares how Sensation (Extraverted Sensing) now shows up in his life.
- What advice would Mike give to his younger self?
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I listened to this one before, but I put more together on this second listen. The feeling was, “Oh, I see how that works.” Thanks.
Amy in PA, INTJ
Wow I really needed that message about just showing up when work is a struggle and you’re not getting results. I’m an ESTP, but I love my friends who use TE so much because of awesome stuff like this. I just started a new attorney job that’s very different than what I did before. I feel totally incompetent and overwhelmed and really needed the motivation to keep going.
Hi, I am also an INTJ. SO many points in this interview hit home for me…especially the point about being told as a child that you’re intelligent, will go places, etc…I expected it all to be effortless. After graduating university, I fell into a deep depression as I watched everyone else around me seemingly ease into adulthood, graduate school, work, marriage, etc. My INFJ best friend also fell into a similar hole, where we were both lost, felt isolated & misunderstood, and were directionless. I’ve just recently picked myself up, and I’m working on going to nursing school (which I’m still indecisive about—I somehow want to do both everything and nothing!) I used to feel that I was a great implementer of Te (especially compared to my INFP boyfriend, ha!), but the piece about finances and putting in a little bit of something every day (showing up), hit home for me as well. The idea of “showing up” is still difficult for me to feel at peace with, but I’m realizing how important it is as an adult, because of that compound effect (which hit me hard as well). I love personality hacker and I look forward to everything you guys put out. This is my first comment by the way, and is probably all over the place. I have so much to say(!) but I’ll end it here. Thank you. This was a great interview.
Just a quick note, but I felt after school I was lost. I still do. And I feel alone a lot of the time. So I’m going to just say that you and your INFJ friend are not alone. Hang in there.
Hey Mike- INTJ here as well. This was refreshing since it seemed like you are somewhat of an a-stereotypical INTJ (not sure how I would describe a stereotypical INTJ, but maybe ‘5-ish’ for lack of a better expression?). I completely resonated with the experience of being told early in life how good I was at everything but didn’t realize how it was impeding my progress. It’s so true- thanks for that perspective! Also, loved how you described your development path as ‘compound interest’. It’s an all-encompassing term especially since it’s so easy for us to sit around and imagine what it could be and then thinking to ourselves ‘it can’t be that hard, right?’ 🙂 Thanks again and wish you all the very best with the future endeavors.
This is interesting for me as a INFJ with a INTJ Dad. We are certainly similar in many ways with the same driver and 3 year old. I was told I was smart at school but struggled to feel I fit in and know how to relate this “smart” to adult world. I also used alcohol to fit in socially and shut out the inner voice from an early age. I think the creating good habits and taking small steps towards a goal might be something that helps me too. Thank you. I have found some common ground and useful tips in many of these podcasts.
This was absolutely amazing!! Thank you Mike and Personality Hacker! I don’t know if I am an INTJ…but I resonated with everything he said…the struggles of realizing that Te did not mean starting and finishing a task in the same sitting is huge for me. I realize it now (at 41) but I still struggle with the procrastination habit I created as a coping skill to activate the stress I needed to get my butt in gear to come through and start and finish a task at the last minute!! That has caught up with me as I also associated starting and finishing to mean in “one sitting”…and since the last minute does not always give enough time to finish a task in one sitting I have finally created a different fire…the fire of negative feedback… I have spent most my life facing towards my dreams and shutting out anything that was contrary to them. I know now this is not Emotional intelligence…and I definitely have work to do in gaining clarity around this area of myself. I must unravel what I have raveled to get back to a healthy way of calibrating and then performing. I have spent most my time wound up so that I had some idea of the time it would take me to “get something done”. But how you do one thing is how you do everything…and approaching every task by giving myself just enough time to “get it done” is exhausting and just ridiculous. I also resonate with being told I was smart from an early age…in fact I find myself asking myself now, “What does smart even mean?” I feel less than smart most of the time and also find myself wondering why I am not further along if I am so smart. I think when we are younger, and in school, smart is often a word that adults used to label children with a capacity to take in information without questioning the why. This trick, of ignoring the why was a shortcut for my Te.A shortcut I used all the way through college. And now I have to realize I need to ask “why”. To myself and to others…This is the work I find myself in now. I am wondering if the process I am describing is related to my type or is it more related to the journey of maturing?
Incredible. I used to bet used to spend hours timing all the horses at the correct distances on a Saturday morning during soccer am i used TE more then than ever in my life used to win thousands still could not be bothered to do it did not care about the money. Now i know i was just using my intuition. Sill bet on the footie now and then. Thing is cultural background of two INs must have a huge impact on there explanations of the functions i am from the same city. Big difference in being told how smart i am always was told i am an idiot but i did play on it a bit. Obviously as an INFP emotional intelligence is number 1. I always say logical reasoning in the moment is only a quick fix. I was so happy to listen to this Thank You Mike.
Hi Trevor,
Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated. I’m glad you found it helpful.
If I could recommend one place to start with emotional intelligence, it would be understanding the mechanics of desire. When it comes to emotions, I firmly believe that desire is the start of everything.
There’s a brilliant and quite amusing book called ‘On Desire’ by William Irvine that should leave your Ni driver feeling pretty complete in terms of attacking the subject from many different perspectives.
For me, that book was a tipping point. Once I had digested all the a-ha’s from it, so much else fell into place and I was suddenly more compelled to check in with my desires from moment to moment, applying this new knowledge to try and identify the root source of my own feelings and behaviours.
It becomes like a game, continually wanting to get in ahead of emotions early when the stakes are low. Yet the process, once that knowledge is there, feels very rational and satisfying.
And like any habit – eg. finances and balance sheets – you’re much less likely to have a backlog of unwanted stuff bubble up later when you check in regularly like that – or, at least, be much less daunted by whatever does inevitably bubble up from time to time.
It’s also funny you should mention that your best friend is an ESFP. Mine is too, going back nearly 30 years. He’s definitely my biggest mentor when it comes to staying in the moment, usually when I’m on the verge of freaking out about a high-stakes situation that I’m worried I can’t handle!
All the best,
Mike
Hi Mike,
thank you for your advice.
I added ‘On Desire’ to my Amazon Personality wishlist. That sounds like a good starting point.
My ESFP friend does well with my freakouts or verging on freakouts to keep me more balanced. And I find I return the favor for him. Go figure, we have different freakouts in each other’s strengths.
Thank you for replying,
Trev
Well said 10 mins in to the podcast i was the same drink socialise.
I’m an INTJ, 5w4.
I wanted to thank you Mike for sharing your journey in personal development. I did resonate with a lot of what you said. I really discovered Personality Hacker almost a year ago. So I’m a few steps behind where you are. So I not only resonated but found your sharing helpful.
In terms of social interactions, I have always felt like I was the odd duck. I still haven’t felt like I learned to really develop the social networks that well. Mom has told me that when I was 7, I was having intelligent conversations with her friends. I don’t remember thinking I was that smart at 7 to do that. I just thought I was having a conversation with an adult. I actually don’t recall being told I was smart back then at all.
The Se was food for me, not alcohol. I don’t think it works as well as a social lubricant. I now have a healthier relationship with food.
I find what trips me up more is Fi. I’m learning to listen to it more as a gauge. I used just to try to shut negative emotions off or ignore them. Very bad habit. I’m slowly learning emotional intelligence and trying to manage Fi with Te.
Funny enough, my best friend since I was in my teens, is probably ESFP. I haven’t gone through the profiling training so I’m not sure. I find he has been my mentor in being cool. I don’t think he realizes this but I kind of back off my plans with him so he can exercise Te in a less stressful situation. But I take over with Te when he needs me to be. Truth be told I’m contingency planning on what he comes up with. I just keep quiet about it.
I get the To Do list and I habit stack.
Thank you for sharing,
Trevor