How To Talk To Any Personality Type (with Dr. Dario Nardi) | Podcast 0456

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In this podcast Joel and Antonia are joined by guest host Dr. Dario Nardi to discuss different ways personality types talk to each other.

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Showing 8 comments
  • Kara Nance
    Reply

    I laughed out loud when Antonia said the worst thing someone can do when she’s angry is ask her how she’s feeling before she has an opportunity to complete her thought. I’ve been there. My conscious self knows this person is inviting me to drop beneath the frustration or anger that’s presenting and get to something more tender, and in the moment I want to respond with “I’m feeling like I want to poke your eyeballs out with knitting needles right now…” 😳😝 or some other graphically violent thought because I get so annoyed that they don’t seem to be listening to or following my (clearly right) Ti stream.

    Thank you Joel, Antonia, and Dario. A great episode as always. 🙏🏻

  • Candace
    Reply

    ENFJ here. 🙂 I think it’s so jarring when someone tells a personal story to validate whatever feelings I’m having because my Fe is so strong that I can’t hold on to my feelings anymore in that moment. Once someone tells a story expressing hurt, grief, anger, etc., I immediately feel that pull to connect with that other person’s emotional experience and comfort them. But I still feel bad. So I’m suddenly pulled in two different directions: focus on their emotions or focus on mine.

    It’s very frustrating–and if my feelings are intense, piling a new layer of emotion on in the form of sadness (or whatever) for the other person usually feels overwhelming. At that point, I have to make a snap judgment about whether to let go of my feelings/ignore them and focus on the other person or to assume a bad or selfish motive on the other person’s part and start fighting for my right to deal with my stuff before I take on theirs. Of course, this whole thing I described happens really fast and, if I’m so upset I’m actually talking about it, it’s happening under incredible pressure, so those judgments aren’t always going to be right or expressed in the best way.

    Once or twice is not a big deal. I want to help other people. But if the person does that kind of thing all the time, it’s going to start feeling like the person doesn’t care about me at all and is intentionally shortcircuiting my emotional repair process. If it’s a family member I can’t avoid sharing life details with, I’ll eventually have a moment where I accuse the person of making things “all about them all the time.” If it’s a friend, I’ll just stop sharing anything but light emotional stuff.

    Anyway, I just realized why that bothers me so much–it’s like feeling swamped with work and then having a friend dump a new pile of paperwork on your desk that seems as if it needs to be finished before you can keep going with your own project.

    Haven’t finished listening yet. Sorry if you make a similar point later in the podcast. 🙂

    • Antonia Dodge
      Reply

      Thank you for sharing! We didn’t have a strong Fe user (just me) to represent this side, so I’m grateful you shared your experience.

      -A-

  • Mary
    Reply

    Dr Dario’s comment about Fe being dangerous to him was so spot on. I actually shouted the word “manipulative” before he said it. What would be more helpful are specific ways to interact with Fe users that satisfy them, while not walking away from the interaction feeling completely drained or like you just gave up something that was important to you but you have no idea what it was or how they got it or how to get it back. Both my mother and monther-in-law are Fe users, and I believe the later is Fe dominant. Both are very nice, good people, and as I’m getting older I’m beginning to realize that “avoid at all cost” is probably not a great strategy, and I should start forming some new ones.

    I test as INTJ but I’m not postive that is correct. I do believe I use the INTJ functions, I’m just unsure I’m what order.

  • Jeff
    Reply

    Sometimes, when I expect others to reframe after a period of time has passed, I find that the other person has not reframed, and we are at the same point as we were before. Not a good vibe.

  • Helen
    Reply

    Antonia, I think what you need when you’re upset is someone to be totally present, hold space with unconditional acceptance and be a mirror for you. As Joel said, it’s about saying ‘So what I hear you say is….’ and it allows you (or whoever) to stay with their experience without having to consider the other person’s perspective. I see it as a befriending role where the other person is totally there for you as a true friend, is able to set aside their own position and be a kind loving presence for you. This perspective comes from knowing you are an Enneagram 3 and the importance of mirroring for 3’s. I’d be interested to hear what you think 😊

    As for the podcast, I enjoyed it but I was waiting for my type insights and was disappointed not to hear that. I’ve tested as ISFP and INFP so did I miss my advice? I did hear some discussion about FP’s but as you mentioned I really prefer teaching to include some examples because the dryness of the functions can make it difficult for me to be sure I’m interpreting things correctly.

  • Eric
    Reply

    My new go-to resource for folks uncertain about their type. The fleshing out of the judgment functions is SO thorough here! I haven’t got to the N/S part yet..

    • Eric
      Reply

      The S/N part which… never happened 🤣

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