Personality Types Self-Worth And Self-Value | Podcast 0460

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In this episode of the Personality Hacker podcast, Joel and Antonia talk about how each personality type feels self-worth and self-value.

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Showing 8 comments
  • Amy
    Reply

    Self-esteem was so easy! I feel like I just DO have self-esteem, and it’s based on exactly what you said my type (INTJ) might base it on. The concept of self-value is VERY nebulous to me! Do I or don’t I?! I had a hard time deciding! Even though conceptually it’s kind of the same thing, I have a hard time getting handle on it at all.

    Listening especially to the last third of this podcast, I began to work it out. Maybe I equate it to feeling worthy. I’ve always known in my head, factually, that I’m worthy, but in my gut, it’s not necessarily the case. My feeling of worthiness has been shaky over a couple of long periods in my life. I’m currently in the process of repairing it for a second time. Life can do stuff to you! At least in my case, my self-value has been affected by how a few significant people in my life have had a lack of acceptance of me, over a prolonged period of time. In these situations, all a person can do is deal with it, adjust in order to get by until it can be solved.

    So I think my self-value is basically my self-acceptance but that I end up gauging that by whether other people accept me. I don’t know whether I can disengage from that.

    My Authenticity refuses to alter myself just to be accepted by other people. Plus, my logic knows that I wouldn’t do a good job at trying to turn myself into someone I’m not. So that only leaves whether they’ll take me as I am. Probably the best way to combat this is by having SOME people in my life who like me the way I am. I believe that I SHOULD be accepted, but I need those anchors to verify it so that I believe it in my gut. When I don’t have them, and have other people telling me otherwise, it’s hard for me to hang onto a very strong sense of worthiness.

  • Ryan INFP
    Reply

    i got it wrong i mean my FI is setting my TE preferences they work together i think i am grasping it.

  • Ryan INFP
    Reply

    I have done a bit more reading about self-esteem or the break downs. I find it way to basic a lot of the descriptions are just tools to pretend you grow your self-esteem to make people feel better about them selves i do not doubt it works but its just fixing a problem with another. The people who have low self-worth always have had low self-worth probably trauma of some kind so society as tried to take responsibility by trying to find a solution. They could also be a natural hierarchy that we do not know. The reason i say this because as a child i felt my self-worth the same as today and also when i had depression part of my brain maybe my confidence felt the same it was just it felt like i had two feelings at once. My point is self-esteem should be spoken about more as a emotional concept to understand ones self than it is and in type will be a big factor in what makes type and the cognitive functions. Well looking into this i also realised that my TE NE actually runs through my FI SI lol I know you know this but its just how your podcasts do get people thinking.

  • Melissa Chambers INFP
    Reply

    I am unbelievably excited by this series. This degree of distinction is absolutely necessary just, I can assure you this seed/gift is of enormous value to me, I promise to nuture and care for it 🙂

    Valuation within accounting for assets with business and economics makes many such distinctions such as differentiation between original cost, insured value, market value, opportunity cost, depreciation, appreciation, net realisable value, revaluation, obsolescence, value add via combination/ process/growth, net present value, discounted future value. All important distinctions.

    All of my questioning of late keep comeing down to the loud question AT WHAT COST?
    If life is the ultimate value why do we undermine it consistently? Because our understanding of value is often so low. Just because we can doesn’t mean we should.

    I would argue self and society valuation perception needs to change. The combination and contribution and of all types/functions can cooperate to be regenerative and circular economics achieve supporting all LIFE.

    Genuine thank you both for this one.

  • Eric
    Reply

    One of the weirdest rabbit holes my INTP brain has stuck its ugly skull into lately is Reddit’s r/Obsessive_Love sub, where I am reading posts (mostly women) through the lens of this worth vs value frame.

    It’s striking me how FJ, Fe the idea of “basing one’s entire worth on their partner” is. At least 1 member who posts there is confirmed ESFJ fwiw. Now I’m thinking how inferior Ti, in their case, is expressing this “need to pin one’s worth on one’s value” in this context with a fatalism of insecurity only the animus/anima can deliver. It’s so anathema to society’s conventional messaging (that obsession is unhealthy) and yet to the extent an Fe dom works best in the heroics of “getting needs met” it seems to me a bit of obsession is a likely emergent for Fe-dom individuals.

    (I’ve seen more than one female ExFJ, ENFJ particularly, express what they deem for themselves a character flaw, of being clingy and obsessive to people they really like)

    • Cindy INFP
      Reply

      I’ve never thought about this. Very interesting. I’m a 63 year old INFP female. I do remember, in my 30s, I was an avid “self-help” book reader. I have since given most of those books to Goodwill. Not, that I don’t have some difficulty with self-worth or self-esteem, but, it’s no longer an issue, really. I have two masters degrees, I was an Airport Planner for 17 years and then a speech therapist for 12 years. I’m still doing speech therapy part time. I play piano for the church choir, I sang in the New Orleans Symphony Chorus for 8 years… and really the list goes on. But you know? Just last winter my neighbors left their dog outside, in the cold and rain and it was howling and crying. I went out and put an umbrella over it and cuddled it up in my lap, until they got home. To me….if I died tomorrow and that was all I ever did in my life was to comfort that dog and show it compassion, that would be enough. I read that INFPs find meaning in everything and I very much do. That comforting of that dog was very meaningful to me. My life is filled with meaning and that gives me a strong sense of self-worth and self esteem.

      My ISTJ husband would walk away from your podcast in about 3 minutes. I know from past experience, he can’t handle something so incredibly abstract. We’ve been married for 43 years. However, his self-worth is tied up in feeling needed, fixing things and in general doing practical things to keep things maintained. And that is what he naturally does. I tend to think most people of whatever type will do what is natural to them to keep up their self- worth and self esteem.

      The only time you really need address it, is when you do feel your self-esteem or self-worth to be down. Then I think each type can think of their primary values- like mine as an INFP would be to do something meaningful-go to the pound and pet some animals, show compassion. For my ISTJ husband- help a neighbor fix their car, mow their grass, mow your own grass and start crossing things off of that long, long to-do list you have in your head.

  • Ryan INFP
    Reply

    Incredible breakdown amazing insight. I believe i got to understand a thinkers brain and maybe more of a view point of. I am going to be honest. I think the way you are framing value and worth are very ideological they are based on your society i would say self-value would be how you feel your integrity. I also do not think that self-value exists. The man on castaway does not have self-value because he keeps himself alive. The way you talk about self-value to a lot of people it will be a burden to them as individuals. To me you described what value is not self-value value is always an outside projection it cant possibly be measured by yourself what you think your value is in these terms as you put it everybody else will most likely see it the same so i do not think the self is relevant with the value. I am aware that you will know more about this than me but i think its a another form of control this self-value described in this manner i am not saying deliberate i mean it grows social anxiety.

  • Beth
    Reply

    While we’re “getting philosophical,” and thinking about how to evaluate the worth / value / contribution of this episode on worth and value 😉

    Antonia, when you said that the goal wasn’t necessarily to find an exact answer, but rather to get the listener to leave asking questions that could lead to their own greater self-awareness, it TOTALLY reminded me of Socrates!

    You know how a lot of the Socratic dialogues, with Socrates in conversation with others trying to find a definition, end in “aporia” — open-endedness, without an answer. The other person often just gets frustrated and walks off. But according to Socrates, this is not a failure — this was the whole point. The other person might initially feel frustrated, but now they’re CURIOUS, their minds are active, they’re thinking — and THAT is AWESOME and the way to growth.

    The distinction between worth and value also reminded me of a quote from Gretchen Rubin. I think she lists is as one of her Lessons of Adulthood. “Accept yourself, and expect more of yourself.” When I first encountered that years ago, when I did not have a strong sense of inherent self-worth and instead felt like I had to constantly achieve in order to earn my entitlement to exist, I really did not understand what that quote meant, or how that could be possible. How could I possibly accept myself as I am? If I know I have areas where I need to grow, or want to do better, and I expect more of myself, isn’t that the exact opposite of accepting myself?

    I’ve done a lot of work, though, and now I get it! To accept myself feels like to have a sense of what you called worth — my inherent worth simply by virtue of being a human being. I am entitled to exist. And yes, at this point in the journey, it is awesome to be able sometimes to “rest into that,” as you said. And then, I can at the same time also expect more of myself — have expectations for my growth. This to me is what you called value. Am I living up to my own standards? Are my actions in alignment with my values? Are they things I want to do better?

    Thanks again for all you do!!! 🙂

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