ENFP Survey: 5 Things ENFPs Wish They Had Known As Teens
ENFPs are charming, energetic and imaginative. They draw people to themselves like bees to honey. It is rare to find an ENFP who is not surrounded by people hanging on their every word. They are the life of the party. They have a natural charisma that puts people at ease and makes even the most lonely, or damaged, among us feel like we are understood and valued as human beings.
Perhaps that is their greatest super power. As someone who constantly doubts myself, I find the enthusiastic optimism of the average ENFP contagious. Five minutes in their company and I feel I can conquer the world. They see everyone in terms of potential – not shortcomings. It’s hard to not feel empowered in their company.
In a recent survey of ENFPs, we asked them 4 questions:
- What are their top 3 challenges;
- What 3 things do they wish others knew about them;
- What 3 books/movies/courses/events have impacted their lives the most;
- What do they wish they had known as a 15 year old adolescent?
Their answers were many and varied, and gave us an interesting insight into the inner workings of the ENFP mind.
In reading the ENFP survey, I tried to find some common themes among their disparate stories. I have broken them all down to 5 items ENFPs wish they had known when they were 15 years old, in order of frequency. I am including direct quotes from the survey so we can all appreciate the variety of ways ENFPs have of expressing themselves.
#1 You’re Different – And That Is Your Greatest Strength
In the survey, 26% of ENFPs wished they could tell their younger selves that it is not only okay to be different, it is their path to awesomeness!
Direct Quote:
- “You’re kind of weird and that’s cool. People are envious of how clear your dream for a healthier planet is at your age. Your fearlessness to be quirky and hyper all the time because that’s how you feel at the moment is admirable. Don’t let anyone shush you into blending in. Do not play yourself down in fear of making other people jealous, or sorry for themselves. Your pursuit of your personal truth will inspire them to do the same for theirs. Your adherence to your personal values and dreams is a sign of strength, even when tears stream down your face. Your vulnerability allows others to feel safe with you, and provides a haven for letting it out.”
- “You don’t have to be tough or a gangster to fit in. You don’t have to fight just to prove that you are down with the homies. You will end up making more money than those guys anyway. There is no such thing as ‘acting white.’”
- “It’s gonna be okay. You are not crazy and do not have to feel ostracized because your ideas are so different. They are your greatest strength and you are going to change the world one day.”
#2 Don’t Wait To Discover Your Greatness
This next category was a sobering one. ENFPs may appear to be the life of the party, but they carry a lot of inner wounding due to past decisions. Decisions that continue to impact their present. 24% of ENFPs wish they had done things differently when they still had unlimited options.
Direct Quotes:
- “Whatever you do, do not get married immediately out of high school. Finish college first for God’s sake. Be serious every now and then.”
- “Wait longer to have sex.”
- ”Don’t sell yourself short in a relationship. You do not need someone to love you and you have horrible taste! You need to be more independent – you think you are already, but you’re not. You’re spoiled and have no real sense of reality. Your parents are setting a wonderful example for you – even though you don’t get along with your mom – and you need to knock off the crap. Don’t work so hard to buck the system. You can be independent without being a pain in the ass. The sooner you figure that you, the better off you’ll be in the long run. NEVER let anyone make you feel like you’re less than you are…not girls, not boys, not men, not bosses. Stand firm and never let anyone take advantage of you.”
- “Cry more in front of others.”
- “Don’t get pregnant at 18.”
- “Love yourself so much that when someone treats you wrong you’ll recognise it. Don’t get on that plane, go to Hawaii instead and work as a check-out chick until you meet and marry Keanu Reeves. Learn karate and how to shoot a gun. Fall in love with weight lifting, exercising and healthy eating. Invest and save your money – buy that house FIRST.”
- “You’re depressed because you have a desire deep down inside to do something great with your life. You’re greater than what everyone else thinks and if you don’t do something right now to start believing in yourself and unleash that greatness inside of you, you’re going to end up wasting more than 30 years of your life.”
- “Keep up the good work. Keep playing sports. Who cares what people say. They will talk anyway. Live your dream for in the future. You will regret not following your passion every day. Stay sincere. But prepare your heart to bear the consequences of your life decisions. Even if your decisions are wholesome be prepared for your heart to break. But keep going. For the breaking of the heart is what opens it to the light of God.”
#3 Trust Your Instincts
ENFPs Copilot function is “Authenticity.” This is where some of their magnetism comes from. Authenticity tells them what to do by tapping into their internal convictions. It also helps them mirror the emotions of others as a form of communication.The Authenticity process can be slow in its decision-making abilities, however. So ENFPs sometimes struggle with giving themselves the time they need to tap into their inner convictions.
In the survey, 19% of ENFPs would counsel their younger selves to trust their instincts more.
Direct Quotes:
- “You have the truth in your heart and miracles in your mouth. Your hands hold power and your feet spread beauty. Don’t listen to their rules and their fears. Don’t listen to their lies and their manipulation. Trust yourself and be yourself and follow your intuition and regret nothing.”
- “Only choose paths for yourself that feel really exciting to you. Not your parents or teachers, or anyone else. Just you. You can trust that feeling of excitement. It is valid, and it will never let you down. You don’t have to pick one path and stick to it for life. Just pick what interests you most for now and keep exploring new options along the way.”
- “It will all work out. What you believe is valid and ok. Don’t undermine your opinions, stand up for how you want to live. Don’t believe that those in authority are always right.”
- “Trust your instinct over other opinions, including experts. Pursue your passions with gusto, even if they aren’t practical. Take the road less traveled. When you move on, find ways to keep up with old friends. Treat yourself really, really well and don’t put up with anyone who doesn’t. Pay attention to the people (angels) who make a comment that is great advice in disguise.”
#4 Life is an Adventure
ENFPs primary cognitive function is “Exploration.” This is what gives an ENFP the gift of seeing possibility everywhere. It helps them learn quickly through experimentation and innovation. 12% of ENFPs surveyed wish they could’ve seen more potential for adventure when they were young.
Direct Quotes:
- “Life is an adventure. Don’t spend it avoiding risk. Without risk, reward is bland. And never stop learning, no matter how boring life becomes. There is always something that will bring back that spark which makes life worth living. Your only job is to find that spark, the rest will come easy.”
- “Everything you explore with joy will either become a path to follow or a memory to warm your heart when you are sad. Your Dad is proud of you.”
- “Explore harder and faster. It’s okay to quit things, just be able to write a good rational full page essay on why you want to quit. Stop caring what other people think. Take one idea and just finish it. Work up to progressively bigger projects. Don’t try to copy other people’s paths, walk you own. Do not do operational work, stick with creative, innovative, people-facing work that has a visual and abstract element to it.”
#5 Inspire!
ENFPs have the remarkable ability to inspire others to see their own potential. This makes them a gift to the rest of us. 9% of ENFPs said they find their greatest enjoyment from inspiring others.
Direct Quotes:
- “Relax. Patience. Focus on authenticity. Understand your blind spots. Enjoy inspiring people and championing causes.”
- “You’re great! Don’t let people tell you otherwise! You have a compassionate heart that can be used for good!”
- “Your kindness and compassion are going to define your life. You may be tempted to pursue fame, but that’s not where your heart is. Your greatest gift is your ability to see others: both their beauty and their pain. You love and are loved so much.”
- “You are not invisible. The way you see the world is a gift. Learn that pain is not your enemy. Pain means you are alive and have survived. Every negative thing in your life is an opportunity for growth and to overcome. It is the fluid process of life. Wisdom is doing the wrong thing, correcting it, so you can help others navigate if they choose to.”
You Have Value
Some of the other common threads found within the survey were:
- Life gets better (8%)
- Maintaining the right connections is important (8%)
- Do what you love (7%)
- You have value (7%)
- Take better care of yourself (6%)
ENFPs comprise just 8% of the population, with women slightly outnumbering men. They are among the most academically talented, yet the most likely to have trouble conforming to the structure of the standard educational system. This often translates as a tendency to drop out or turn to substance abuse to cope with the boredom.
ENFPs are the least likely to get stressed out and because of this have lower than average rates of heart disease, hypertension, and chronic pain. They do have one achilles heel, however. The main thing ENFPs stress over is finances.
ENFPs energy, vision, and passion make them great for any team. The way they commit themselves to the growth of others makes me wish there were more of them. In fact, if everybody had an ENFP in their lives, the world would be a happier more productive place.
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We would love to hear in the comments below what advice you would give to yourself as an INFP teenager.
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As I read this right now, tear after tear rolls down my cheek. I am going through a breakup or a relationship break (call it what you will). I was with my partner for 6 years (she is an INFJ) and we lived together for 5 years. By the way, I am 28 and she is 24 and we had our first date 10 years ago. I somehow found in her a person who can reassure me, with whom I feel understood and arrived. Unfortunately, I didn’t have an easy childhood, which is why I had suppressed my feelings for 20 years of my life, so to speak. Now in the last 2 months I have been able to let out so many positive and negative tears as never before in my life. The reason for the separation is/was that she is unhappy with herself and doesn’t know how she imagines her life and what she wants to do. She also said that she has adapted to me for years and that she believes that I only love one version of her. My guess is that the Corona year when we were very isolated was very stressful for both of us and I may have overwhelmed her with my extroversion. I must say that now that I am much more involved with myself, I can better reflect on many things from my childhood, my youth and also my relationship with her. I still have hope and am optimistic that she just needs time for herself to reflect on everything. For my part, I have noticed that I love her for her neatness, her thoughtfulness and for showing me new perspectives to develop further and to question myself. I love her, I love her family and I know that her family loves me and that maybe this time just needs to be now to realize that love can also mean habit. Thank you!
Cheers from Germany
Instabookmarked 😅
Thank you Charis!
Super great stuff! I feel you were wrote this cool article from me. 😀
My biggest childhood/young age suffering/dilemma was accepting my sensitive/empathic/compassionate side***. I was trying to “keep low” feelings about that. But i had to realize if i deny myself im making myself more and more unhealthy. My mum told me a story even i was 5-6yo and i was (default) empathic guy. ☺️
*** social expectations coz you are a boy lol etc…
So i took the courage and i’m givin’ myself since late twenties.
My biggest superpower is motivating. Had a super introvert girlfriend (last year) and i motivate her in many ways like relationship, sexuality (yep, i was teh first guy), social stuffz etc. I have noticed the fact im her shrink rather than her boyfriend. Never mind i remember with a smile and im glad to helping her. Tl;dr: I was the guy who helped her to stepping out from her comfort- zone. 🙂
(She was the one who initiated breaking-up procedure. She was driven by her parents. What a shame, never mind)
My biggest fear is: friend-zone, experienced sooo many times. :))) (“ohh, you are so sweet and kind of a guy but i don’t want more..”. 😏)
So im a little bit sceptic about finding my soulmate coz im 40yo., silly ENFP cat owner guy who is an emotional vulcan in a good way 😅 (got from a gal who was my friend)
Yeah i have to motivate myself a lot about that. 😅
Cheers from Hungary!!!
Thank you again!!! 🤗🤗🤗
Never Give Up! Try No Fap Hard Mode For Life And Push Through To Your Destiny!
this article i wrote it all n sticked this on my wall 3 long pages so each time i feel like frustrated i read this , n i still have it after two years . its just amazing ♥️♥️♥️♥️
This whole article and the comments resonate with me wholeheartedly!!! I am 36 now and have had a lifetime of ENFP experiences to pull from. I feel for all of the teenage ENFP’s that have commented because, I too, was right where you are.
I struggled with fitting in; hell I struggled with the idea of fitting in, because that meant that someone was telling me who, what, where I should be and think. The nerve of some people, they don’t know me! I was not designed to fit into any box, or group, or ideals or standards— it was absolutely grueling. I was more at home with the druggies because at least they were living life on their terms. They were being authentic- (at least that is what I told my high school self). Truth was they were masking who they were because they likely felt just like I did and didn’t have the coping mechanisms in place to deal with reality.
Trust me, fellow ENFP’s, drugs are not the answer to your problem, neither is drinking. You will make bad decisions faster and with more enthusiasm than anyone else around you! I have been there and I was on a fast track to prison (because that is where rule breakers go when they take it too far!) Don’t take it too far. Where ever you are stop, regroup, ask for help (if you need it, and you probably need it) and be your own advocate. Inspire yourself! That is where you absolutely shine. While you are shining that light, your people will see it and come to you.
You will meet like minded people when you are being your authentic self. And stay away from facebook and any other place where people are comparing themselves and judging you, you don’t need that negativity in your realm. And yes, you have a realm.
You are awesome and you are so loved, never forget that!
Its funny because not a long time ago I decided to be all I wanted to be. Im studying to be biochemestry and a profesional HH dancer. Life is short. TRY everything. Don’t miss any chance to understand yourself and what you want, if you can’t choose. Do both… I dont know how it’s going to end. But i’ m on it. Fighting because I cant focus well. But still going
Awesome . Just awesome.
I’m a 17-year-old ENFP . 6 month till finishing up highschool. I didn’t have quite the usual enfp problems at school . I’m popular and My close friends are okay with my crazy, spontaneous idea-craving self . My biggest struggle and I mean STRUGGLE is “school” itself .
I go to a strict college preparing school with strict discipline, rules and teachers . Totally grade centered . I feel like I’m burning out at school . I’ve became depressed and quiet .
Don’t know what I want to study for college and how to rap this year up .
My counselors are constantly reminding me how I don’t have time and how behind I am , just stressing me more .
I feel misunderstood and pressured to my bones.
I think school is hell for us , isn’t it ?
Nobody gave advice on how to survive school in a family that’s education centered …
Yeah i feel the same thing too. btw i’m also 17 years old. School is really crap. There are so much tasks you need to do and so much thing that restrain your freedom. I often get stressed because of school work. I really want to explore the world and do the things that i love. I have a big dream and i think school is preventing me to achieve it.
OMG im 16 years old and i hate school too because of all the attention they put on the studies. im not popular but im not like “nerd” im actually in the middle, because im friends with everyone, but i dont have like a defined group of friends so im always floating… but i am pretty clear about college, i want to study psychology or philosophy. that is what most inspires me and i love that. ive had deppresion many times… but now ive spent most of the time reading about feelings etc and since that ive never had problems i love my life and i couldent be happier. well i havent really lived enough to really give you advice but anyway, life is a wonderful journey and commiting suicide will look tempting, and in your darkest days you will consider it but believe me when i say this! your life is VERY long and your problems even though they look catastrophic they wont last longer than 3 months and let me tell you, when you look back you will thank god that you are still alive and enjoying lifes gifts. thank you and i hope someone feels understud and hopley reply!!!!
i actualy have a question….
what genre of music do you guys (ENFP) hear? i change o genre like every year! i mostly hear reggae and funk metal!!! i dont have a absolute taste i can hear anything hahahah
another question: do you relate alot and speak with like old people and talk hours about life and philosophy?
last question!!! what are the most typical best friend of an ENFP?
Heyy I’m 15 and seems like we’re VERY similar. I have a lot of friends and school has been depressing me lately too. It feels good to share it with so many enfps here who’ll probably understand the struggle. I LOVE psychology and english and that’s what I plan to study. To answer your question- I keep changing genres too. And I really wanted to know if that’s how it is with everyone lol xD I like alternative indie rock, pop rock,pop and R&B.
2) I do love to talk to old people but I don’t live with my grandparents and usually don’t meet them so..
I’m also a 17-year-old ENFP, and just graduated from high school. For those who walk that path now… hang in there. School definitely can be hell for us, but there are always the little things that make it magical. In my case, I had loved my education up until high school—and even then, still desperately wanted to love it for everything that made every day mind-blowing—when I found myself in a program so boxy that I felt strangled. My response? Something I was terrified to do: leave and let go. I switched to an online program, contrary to the stigma, and though the last two years of my life have been more isolated than I would have liked, things have been amazing.
I say this now not to encourage you to switch to an online high school, but to encourage you to find something you can hold onto. Teachers may seem like imposing authority figures, but they’re just people with their own struggles and passions—you can ask them for support. Some will understand, and some won’t. Nonetheless, if there’s one thing we know as ENFPs in dire situations, it’s that there’s always another way. If there’s not much you can change in your schooling environment, you can work to make things better in your personal environment. Try allowing yourself a few moments to creatively recharge—do whatever it is you do that makes your heart explode with joy, and just be in that moment with nothing else to preoccupy you, for at least five minutes a day. Give yourself some time to think and process—journaling has helped me a lot in that regard. Find people you love and trust, and spend time with them, even if you’re not pouring your heart out because your wacky ups and downs aren’t the most welcome—company, even when silent, can be enough. Remember that what you feel is real, and let yourself feel it. If you feel like school is preventing you from achieving your dreams, then turn your dreams into small, manageable pieces (I know that this is REALLY hard, but it’s possible) that you can work at in the short moments when you can take a breather. And have patience—your dreams are possible, but will take time, resources, follow-through, and networking to come to fruition.
Make the world around you yours without shattering it. It’s the little changes that give you footholds.
Hi young ENFPS…
First of all, KUDOS TO YOU ALL!!!! At such a young age, you are already aware of your personality and how your brain is wired and it means you are already on a great start in life.
Am in my mids 30s and only recently figured out my brain wiring and realize what I really need to do to be well (read, not depressed), so you guys are way ahead with many years to adventure and explore life.
The article is exactly what I would tell my teenage self. But I also noticed that you all are struggling in school and soon if/when you move on to college believe me the struggle will be similar. My one advice (feel free to take it or leave it, but think of it as a experiment for fun), get into and dont stop playing team sports or martial arts in school, college, uni n even when your adventuring in adulthood. Yeah, i know there are a lot of research out there about how good exercise is for our body but as an enfp, the secret is to play sports that get you to work in a team in a specific (spell, s-p-e-c-i-a-l) way. This will give you a self esteem boost (u will bend towards becoming the best defender, striker, sparring king, etc of your standard which is very high) and you will also inspire your team to push to be their best (keeping you in your flow state)….explore until you find the right sport, you enjoy it, you figured it out and your kicking ass then A LOT of things in school/life will start to fall in place magically.
Your brain will be powered naturally to tackle the rest of the mundane tasks involved in academics which is not even a challenge to your mental ability as you are already blessed in making connections super fast. But remember, overcome your body so your mind will be free to explore the world and make it a brighter place for others.
Much love♥️
Well I’m facing the same exact problems, when i read your comment i somehow taught that i had read this article and probably that was my comment 🙂 As i said i have the exact same problems, ENFP ( if you consider that a problem in academic growth ), depression and only six month left to my deadline as well as my birth in june, however i managed somehow to balance my life in this funny year ( i don’t mean that but i can’t control myself 🙂 ) and i may have some advice given below for you ( not that i have been sticking to them all the time but as an ENFP i found this well the most suitable solutions )
First of all don’t think of this as an advertisement but i have read a book which totally helped me balancing my life as an ENFP, the book name is “Mini Habits: Smaller Habits, Bigger Results” and it’s written by Stephen Guise and it’s based on how to gain a habit which you probably hate or find it rather difficult to gain
The second thing i can advice when you read the book is customisation and being adaptable, you probably know that we as ENFPs get depressed or angry soon when something doesn’t stick to the plan and we leave it unfinished
The third advice which i can give you is going through the things that you hate most in your life like the most hated and worst dish of food or probably the worst activity you can do and try it every day, like when you want to make something in order try to leave it as it is, i know this might result in your parents shouting at you and i am experiencing that as well but also look at people shouting like a solubale situation and laugh at that, if you do this everytime you face a problem your self-control will raise significantly
Sorry for bad eng
Best regards,
B
Needless to say how much I can personally relate to the content discussed on this page especially here at the comments section. I’d like nothing more than to be appreciative towards those sharing their past experiences of adolescence with those still going through the process.
I mean this seriously… because like all of life, nothing can be more damaging than forcing yourself to stay in your shell (when it’s more than cracked and you’re praying that it won’t fall apart) when adolescence is one of the grandest journeys out there outside of our shell, just like a little happy feet penguin about to open up to the world by dancing as soon as she cracks her shell.
It’s hard to be a teen growing up with the campaigner mentality compared to our other Divergent counterparts. There’s so much conflict between who we are, one hand we want to be pleased and applauded by friends and family… and on the other, we often decide to give up an imperative part of ourselves for them do so. There’s this constant yet changing motion of unbalancing ourselves to be like the next. Here is the place to end such a situation, in fact, rather it’s a place to carry on with the real one, being a teen, that is… being your own kind of teen, being your own kind of product of Self. There’s a whole universe out there and nobody is telling us what to do, except us. And if you get bored? Go further (if you’re into national geographics you may have made this your personal motto), it’s something humans have little trouble doing.
Getting to know yourself is the grandest thing in life. Yes we are over-thinkers but its a buy product of our natural tendencies to be curious:
you’re in math class and you are to simplify some algebraic expressions. Now most students would just do what the teacher tells them but you? You’re either the student who pays absolutely no attention to your work (boredom) or… you’re the student who instead of just looking at the question and answering it, you take 5000 steps back understanding who, what, where, when and why algebra exists today. That way you answer the reasons why math exists as well as completing your work. That’s curiosity and it’s not much of a curse, it’s your gift of being intuitive.
If you’re having trouble with your social life as in you’re parents are telling you to go out and make friends and go to parties and stop spending time at home alone and your peers have started to host parties of their own and somehow you’re not that keen to do the same:
Your parents are just concerned about your kind of fun. Just because people don’t see you partying does NOT mean that you cannot party. You my friend are what shrinks call an introverted extrovert. You are the thinking caterpillar and the social butterfly just like you’re Clark Kent at first then superman afterwards (unsure about the order) give or take a few abs.
But seriously guys this is a great place to say what’s to say. I’m only 16 and Iove my cup of tea especially when the birds are singing. The following day I’m making a hell of a lot of friends volunteering for fundraisers.
Whether you’re an ENFP teen or not, a guide can be extremely useful when helping you decide things on your road to success. There’s like this ebook you could buy online from http://www.16personalities.com
that focuses on your specific Myers Briggs personality type. There may be other places to get it for free or you could just research whatever you’re struggling with, maybe methods to help you follow your goals, career choices, relationships… idk, the search is endless. Also for those who struggle finding God or for those who want to understand life on a deeper level, try reading the Conversations with God trilogy. It’s like a dialogue between God and the author Neale Walsch. I’m not saying that you should read it and I’m not trying to be a controversial guy here especially if his just a kid. I’m just saying that this book helped me a lot through some dark times especially with God… and since we share the same traits why not look it up.
Also there’s a difference between listening to other people’s opinions based on their experiences and listening to your own Self.
Thanks again
Randomly stumbled upon this site from a Podcast (amazing how little I was able to find about the ENFP on iTunes). Just finished reading through this article and all the comments. I rarely scroll down the full page (guess there is always something else that spontaneously peaks my attention) but sure glad I did! To all the younger people reading and exploring who YOU are, keep. on. going. I’m 36 (but don’t look a day over 35), seeking my next opportunity and can personally say I find this kind of conversation fascinating and very comforting. It’s great to hear there are other people that resonate with these character traits. I haven’t had a traditional career path and it isn’t from lack of talent, drive or motivation — so many things are just COOL. How could I not try them out? Ideas come frequently but sometimes I feel like a hobo chasing the next train. When I’m passionate about something my creativity flows out of me. I feel like I’ve finally found the key to happiness. I feel unstoppable, time suspends and all practical worries disappear. The greatest strength I have is ability to make other people feel the same. Although this is often short lived as my passion fades like a sunset.
I’m a sound bite type, so I wanted to include my favorite snippets from this article. The ones I will take with me on my journey. Many thanks for all the words of wisdom. Before reading on, I’d like to contribute my own as no matter what you feel right now, it’s temporary. Good, bad or indifferent.
“Be honest. First with yourself and then with the people you surround yourself with. Half truths told to impress are like drugs, a temporary solution to quench the boredom. Reality will still be there long after your high fades. You are loved and stories can always be improved by framing them in truth.” – Lt
Below are my favorite snippets from this article. Hope reading this helps you today. It certainly has brightened mine 🙂
Quotes I like —
“Do not do operational work, stick with creative, innovative, people-facing work that has a visual and abstract element to it.”
“[ENFP’s] have a natural charisma that puts people at ease and makes even the most lonely, or damaged, among us feel like we are understood and valued as human beings.”
“Your kindness and compassion are going to define your life. You may be tempted to pursue fame, but that’s not where your heart is. Your greatest gift is your ability to see others: both their beauty and their pain. You love and are loved so much.”
“Wisdom is doing the wrong thing, correcting it, so you can help others navigate if they choose to.”
Quotes that resonate —
“ENFPs may appear to be the life of the party, but they carry a lot of inner wounding due to past decisions”
“You’re depressed because you have a desire deep down inside to do something great with your life. You’re greater than what everyone else thinks and if you don’t do something right now to start believing in yourself and unleash that greatness inside of you, you’re going to end up wasting more than 30 years of your life.”
“Don’t work so hard to buck the system. You can be independent without being a pain in the ass.”
“ENFPs are the least likely to get stressed out and because of this have lower than average rates of heart disease, hypertension, and chronic pain. They do have one achilles heel, however. The main thing ENFPs stress over is finances.”
“Stop running from the pain, you can’t out run it anyway. However, I’ve never met an enfp that couldn’t dance through it. Learn to harness your pain and realize it is there to clear out stagnation. Oh,and the drug thing… if, you’re doing it to escape boredom or issues just remember that when you’re done the boredom, issues or fear will be there right where you left them, but often with added company.”
” Visual hobbies with dexterity (DIY projects, artisan workings, making food/beer/etc) keep ENFPs engaged and happy.. Doing it full time can be fulfilling, or burn one out, depending on the situation. Sometimes keeping it as a side project can be the better route.”
“letting someone down will probably continue to be the hardest thing you’ll ever do.”
Reading the comments above, well, they could have all been written by me at one time or another. It is amazing to know and hear about other ENFPs with similar experiences and feelings in their lives. Thank you for the validation!
I’m almost 60, and through Facebook, connected with a ton of my high school class. We were 700 strong, and I knew and remembered most of the kids in the class. I flitted around all the different cliques, the smokers (back then we smoked in the bathroom), the jocks, the nerds, the smart ones, and even those who didn’t seem to fit in with anyone, I’d hang out with I occasion. I guess because of that, I got to know many people in my class. So here we are on fb, and I’m chatting to a guy who was an a/v geek back then and is now a photographer. He told me how he didn’t fit in and Howe the beautiful girls never paid him or his friends any attention. He said he liked me cause I always smiled and talked with him. And that his friend Joe (another a/v guy) had a crush on me. My heart went back 45 years, and I could see the both of them. They taught me about cameras, about photography and let me borrow their equipment. I never knew Joe had a crush on me. He was very sweet. I also never considered my self part of the beautiful girls (I was chunky all my life) although some of my friends were pretty. I realize now why i flitted about in and out of so many circles of people. I wanted everyone to be happy.
But I had a very dark side, too, cause I felt different inside. Unlovable, weird, hated authority, and I did act out. Skipped school, experimented with drugs, drank, and so, this prevented me from hitting my stride. I dropped the nice guys for abusive guys, for the adrenalin hit of the drama.
I did graduate college. I was told in high school by my teachers that I’d never get in anywhere for college, so of course, I had to prove them wrong. It took the different careers, all of which I loved, to finally having my own one person business which is working out ok for me. At this point, I wish I weren’t married as he puts me down constantly, tells me I’m crazy cause of my many (successful) careers, argues with me all the time, and is not appreciative of anything I do. He stopped working 4 years ago after being very sick (almost died).
Divorce isn’t the answer here cause then I’d be poor again and still supporting him. So I put up with his crp.
I feel like I can say all of this because every one here can relate to one part of my story or another. I thank you all, cause I really needed to get that of my chest!!
Its never too late to start living again!
oh my goodness! what a treasure i stumbled onto! 💜
many thanks to all the young souls out there.. i will treasure this post.. i am a 56 year old enfp that is getting in touch with myself.. learning to live my authentic self and love me as much as i love others.
many thanks for this encouraging post! ❣️
wow! thank you!! ı am 17 years old enfp . while ı was reading all comments ı noticed that all emotional challanges enfp s had ı had the same.I truly understand and feel what is written.Feeling lonely ,being abondend , boredom ,Feeling weird and trying to fit in ,a lot worry about judgements and mony.It ‘s like we’re all the same body that wounded but different urbans.anyway I have a question ı guess ı need guidence because ı feel like ı neeed a stick that gives me rational analyses and advices and make me hope of life and myself. ı noticed that ı m highly emotional and sensitivr about judgements.when i m with my friends i tell what i wounded but i wound a lot so it became like she is super sensitive be careful when you talk for my friends.And expressing emotions no matter what feels weaker becuse ı seem weaker.I kind a hate my emotional temper .ı dont know how to fell less how to feel stronger.or being more reckless about judgements or generally people ı like them much but worry to not to be loved so ı just dont talk.plus ı cant study because ı cant focus and afraid of not to be perfect.It shouldnt so hard to be peaceful for god sake! if you guys can give me advices i will be so happy!!^v^
The comments, to me, have been just as insightful as the article. My INTJ husband says that I’m terrible at sharing or verbalizing my real feelings, so I appreciate the candidness of all of my fellow ENFP types. I resonate with much in the article. And the financial piece was an eye opener for me! It made me realize that this truly is a struggle for me. As a mother of seven, who has only held vet few and pretty short time jobs, I find myself having to make financial decisions daily. My husband owns his own business and I’ve had the privilege of staying home to raise/teach our kids. Past financial mess ups, still haunt me. I want my husband to trust me with money, but he certainly has grounds to be nervous. I love spontaneity and I love giving money and possessions away. I also love thrift store shopping and finding just the right treasure for my home or for someone else. My husband would like to focus on paying down our debt and I never even think about it. Poor guy. Also, another area of struggle for me is time. I don’t know if time and money are linked for an ENFP, but I rarely know how to measure time. Like money, it very easily slips out of my hands and it can cause me great angst. Time does not feel like a friend to me.
I relate to this a lot!!
I am a 23 year old Artist.
I have many opportunities to work for advertising companies but i dont like how they play with peoples brains so i dont do that instead i do freelancing and try to make the bread on the table but yet the financial problem always stays maybe because we give freedom more importance than money! We need it ! we cannot be tied . I am still struggling to find an answer.I guess all ENFP’s should get financial counselling as we lack a lot in it ! Everything else is perfect ! Everytime you feel down just talk to your best friend or a therapist youll be back to your real happy self !! works for me everytime !
i’m an enfp, too and just the other day i thought that time really is not my friend. (exactly these words – crazy).
i’m usually late and procrastinate a lot or get lost in my thoughts. i’m also afraid that time runs out and goes by too quick and i haven’t lived my life to the fullest.
another thing i have seen a lot in the comments is that some others also have problems to express themeselves and feelings and stuff, especially when it comes to expressing in words. i really do have a hard time with that (i also think i’m often afraid to say what i really want and don’t find the right words)
i don’t know if the cause is not enough confidence…
i also really hate the routine of highschool. i usually get bored in class and start talking to neighbors. i really do want to have good grades though, but it is hard to find motivation and keep up with it.
after school i would love to study psychology – i also feel like lots of enfps have that kind of career. hehe
i’m 16 btw
I’m a 54 year old ENFP. These are some of my life’s lessons: Good friends that you can trust or counselors are important for talking out problems. They won’t have the answers, but talking will help you figure things out.
I enjoy work that is different every day, different problems or people each day. I have numerous hobbies that I switch back and forth between, that keep me excited in the next day. Trying and learning new things, outside of my career, is what keeps me mentally stimulated and feeling alive.
BEWARE of abusive men. Our loving and forgiving nature is exactly what the want. Especially narcissistic abusers. Even though you have enough love for the weak and needy, you deserve to be loved too, by someone just as loving as you are!!!
I don’t know if I am an enfp anymore after reading this I’m anxiety riddled and stressed most of the time and not smiley faced life has been throwing some tough ones at me for the past few years though so maybe that’s a contributing factor to being rather dull company
Is there any way to get access to the feedback from other mbti types?
You could be an ENFP whose cognitive functions are working in reverse order due to your recent stress. Look up “ENFP Shadow Functions” and read about how Introverted Sensing manifests in ENFPs when they’re “driving” with their inferior process under stress! Very enlightening for me.
Very inspiring! I am 22 and I currently have an amazing job with full benefits (health clerk) but I feel as though this needs to be temporary. I have experience and am certified to teach English internationally and I am also finishing up my pet grooming program. (I know, all are so different form each other considering that my first job was life-guarding). I am sure I will still be trying to take up more skills as I get older because my goal is to be self resourceful enough so I can be anywhere I want without worrying about not having anything to eat and no where to sleep. I don’t need to have a fancy car, a big house nor other luxuries because I care more about experiences, captivating places and amazing people! My biggest fear is staying here for the rest of my life without finding out what other amazing things I could have experienced. Yes, people have disagreed with my plans (including parents), but I think they are just afraid because it isn’t the way they did it. It isn’t the way society says to live. I challenge with the “why not?” Living in one place working at one job for the rest of your life is not the only way to live. I suppose I strive for experience. Thank you so much for this article 🙂
Thanks you sooooo much for this article!!!! Me too!!! I am crying so much because I never thought anyone could understand me. I’m a 26 year old female who writes, dreams and thinks a lot. Sometimes too much for my own good because those ideas never come to a finish. I start and stop all projects and I’ve never seen a true reward for my efforts because of it. I’m in school getting an MBA degree which is the most practical, routine field I’ve ever been in. I hate it! I loved my Journalism undergrad courses and the only reason I’m in business school is to be somebody. I want a luxury car, home in A big city and a good solid career. I figure that the arts is too much of a struggle so I settled for something more realistic. Idk where I’ll end up in the future but one good thing I can say about us ENFP’s is that we always find our way in and out of something. I hope that I can live a rewarding life in my 30s because I can tell you that my 20s have been hardwork and beaten paths. The quotes are amazingly beautiful and inspiring.
Wow, this article is exactly what I needed.<3
I'm an ENFP and turning 17 in a month, but just recently started having trouble in school. Everything was fine and I had top grades until I dyed my hair blue. ( We don't have any dress codes here and I LOVE blue!) But apparently the teachers don't appreciate that since I'm in a healthcare highschool and they started giving me terrible grades.
It's really sad how people never understand. If you don't fit into one of their stereotyped boxed, they turn your unique ways into something weird and bad and look down on you.
But this article was very inspiring^-^
this article made me cry!
all of it is on point.
Me too!!! I am crying so much because I never thought anyone could understand me. I’m a 26 year old female who writes, dreams and thinks a lot. Sometimes too much for my own good because those ideas never come to a finish. I start and stop all projects and I’ve never seen a true reward for my efforts because of it. I’m in school getting an MBA degree which is the most practical, routine field I’ve ever been in. I hate it! I loved my Journalism undergrad courses and the only reason I’m in business school is to be somebody. I want a luxury car, home in A big city and a good solid career. I figure that the arts is too much of a struggle so I settled for something more realistic. Idk where I’ll end up in the future but one good thing I can say about us ENFP’s is that we always find our way in and out of something. I hope that I can live a rewarding life in my 30s because I can tell you that my 20s have been hardwork and beaten paths.
Fellow Enfp here! I totally resonate with your emotional hardship. At the moment, i’m conflicted between continuing my sports medicine degree or pursuing my road less traveled experimental hip hop/dance music journey. My co-pilot is clearly saying to follow my music career. See as yourself my first creative experiences stem from writing lyrics and dreamy stories. However, i always had a intrinsic connection with sonic nature of music. Anyhow, I advise to be true to your ENFP essence!
ohhh me too
All I can say is WOW! I am a 38 yr old enfp and I lately have been feeling extremely bored, lost and a tad trapped. I have a wonderful family, two beautiful children and an incredible altruistic life work with my husband who is an estj. I never regret my two little treasures and thank God for them every day! But I married kind of young and if I could give advice to my young enfp self I would say #1 Don’t make such a hefty decision till 30,had I followed this, I think I would have been somewhere very different today and that is ok.#2 Know yourself, get comfortable, find and accept yourself before diving into life. It’s really ok. I wish I would have allowed myself to be at peace with who I was and not trying to fit into anybody elses boxes, as well meaning as they may have been. #3 Never just settle for something, push the boundaries, in a good way of course. You will never be like everbody else and that’s fine. Revel in your uniqueness , find time to look up at the sky and marvel at all the wonders of the world, it is huge and fathomless.#4 Find as much adventure as possible! Your amazing memories will help you later in times of life when you have to follow routine and as another wise enfp just said, go on vacation just yourself or maybe with one other really good like minded friend, without husband, kids or family and be intrepid again for a week just to refresh. If you don’t you will implode eventually and hurt those around you that you would die to protect. Prevention is the name of the game for an enfp. I suffer from hypertension and other nervous problems, something I shouldn’t be suffering from as an enfp, because for years I tried to be something else. I love being one now and have finally come to peace with myself but it is still a challenge every day. Thanks so much for your article I almost cried when I read it, it made me realize that I really need to take a break, no guilt, no regrets! It is a beautiful life, go out and dance through it and live as many lives in one as you possibly can!:-)
Thank you so much for this! All of you.
If I could give advice to younger self (or to another younger self reading this), I would say a few things.
1) Keep loving everything with your WHOLE heart. Keep diving in head first. Keep being intensely passionate. It’s what makes you happy — and it often makes others happy, too. It’s the only way you do things and that’s ok.
2) Eventually though, you’re going to probably want to keenly change focus from that thing you were just diving into, and that also is ok! …However please be patient with those around you. Some people don’t see change as a positive thing – as a dire need – like you do. Please try not to feel as though you need to disappear from someone’s life because you feel so guilty about making a change that they weren’t comfortable with at first. People are simply not THAT mad at you for doing what you want / need / feel compelled to do. Wait for people. They will be sad – and hurt – if you just leave. ALSO: Saying goodbye will always be terribly hard and letting someone down will probably continue to be the hardest thing you’ll ever do — remember, 15 year old me: I’m writing this at age 24 and I still DREAD having to mature up and end things properly – whether it’s a job, a relationship, a friendship, etc. Burning bridges is terrible for people on both shores. Say goodbye.
3) Don’t let that fear of saying goodbye let you become too afraid to let go. You HATE being complacent! It is not who you are. Hanging on (long term) for someone else will only make you resent them or yourself. Don’t be afraid to let go and change – just do it the right way. And trust yourself (and more so God).
4) Lastly, it is ok that you feel like you don’t know who you are. You probably will not be socially defined by hard skills like how great you are at sports or the type of music you like — as so many people are. You are socially defined by your person. Peers and non-peers will ask you for advice. You will rarely pick the music in the car, but your friends will appreciate that you’re always open to listen to their music. You will be called the smiley one — even when you’re sad. (Find someone though that you can be sad with – they’ll normally be found in the music department). You will lift people up and make them feel powerful. Let THAT make YOU feel powerful. You will connect. You will sometimes feel like you don’t know who you are because you don’t think you have “a thing.” But you do: your thing is YOU. And that doesn’t fade after high school like sports do!
5) I love you!!!!! and I can’t wait for you to get your braces off! 🙂
Thank you so much!!!
I cried so hard when reading the last sentence. ENFP desires being LOVED. Not just parents’s love, husband or boyfriends’ love. It is the love being recognized, accepted, appreciated, and understoooood!
It’s ok not to have any true friends in the groups at school. Your friends to come didn’t have friends either.
I only wish I read this when I was 15 years old. I am 56 right now. Had I only had the confidence in myself then and embraced my weirdness and turned it into something greater than…now. I am a retired teacher and I am bored out of my mind. I have traveled to exotic places seen wondrous things and am alwAys in search of something stimulating… What a stable life I have made, but I am bored out of my mind. I hAve difficulty focusing. Food, alcohol and men bore me right now.
Maybe ‘retired’ isn’t the best place for you. Have you considered taking up a new challenge? Learning something new? I’m not talking about the classes they offer at the local senior center. Something that really challenges you and can use some of your pent up energy.
This was the most beautiful, and relatable articles I’ve ever read. Each comment was on point. I will definitely come back to reference this article when I am feeling lost! Seriously, thank you.
Amazing, amazing article based on the surveys. I’m an 23 years old ENFP and the amount of relation i felt to the points stated is both very heart warming and extremely heart wrenching!
I especially did connect so much with the finance talk. I almost get no stress over anything but financial matters. They are nerve wrecking no matter how i approach them.
So i was wondering if you do have any advice for an ENFP trying to understand and control the financial aspects of their life from the point of view of a tertiary Te? I’m trying my best to become more competent in financial matters and i like to think that me trying so hard counts for something haha (even if i do fail quite a lot)
23 year old ENFP here too!! 😀 It’s interesting that we stress over money. For me, I create a monthly budget that I adjust each time I get paid and pay all of my bills as soon as I get my paycheck and then cash out what I have left for food & fun. It works for me. Cut up all the credit cards except for one you keep for emergencies in your sock drawer.
23 years old, I seem to fit within the ENFP box.
Personally I’ve never underestimated financial problems and dynamics and actively worked on myself to process it. I studied business (which seemed logical at the time to study operational organisation, money included) and focused on the diverse aspects of money in our life : [Intimate relationships as much as social and shared one].
I feel like money canalizes a lot of our concrete and practical dependence and interdependence with society and other people in general.
Two main results came out if I take a step back :
–> Money is a language, its value is versatile and certainly should not be used as a point of reference to evaluate worth (even and especially operationally, also obviously in other aspects of life). If the value keeps changing, the key is to understand the variables and dynamics.
–> If I want independence and to choose myself my interdependences well, I should avoid money as much as possible.
What do I use money for ? [Food –> grow it, take the production surplus around you, . . . Property –> rent as little as possible, buy, find ways to acquire property, . . . ect]
How do I get money ? [Be as close to the outcome of your work as possible, don’t “rent” your workforce to others, try to earn money with as little transactions as possible, don’t specialize too much and stay as autonomous as possible].
For actual creation of value, money becomes secondary and is a detail within all the relationships you develop with the co-creators.
It’s the most logical and long term way I’ve found that respect my values and my character (which falls in this point in the ENFP box very much so).
Financial issues are a problem and should be a problem, the concept of money is inherently unfair in our modern society and raise a lot of demands on our parts without ever asking for consent.
Well, this is as clear and honest as I can express myself, It’s no real advice. (Advices are tricky).
Terrific article!! Very accurate and potent.
Thank you Charis!
Casey
Thanks for the feedback, Casey! I’m glad you enjoyed the article.
I’m a 15 year old ENFP and this article perfectly describes what I’m going through. I have so many ideas of what I want to do with my life but they keep getting shut down by people around me. Thank you for writing this article it has really inspired me to do what I want not what the people around me want from me. 🙂
Thank you for the comment, Rachel! Be Strong! You have incredible gifts to bring to the world. 🙂
Yes, this is sort of the struggle I’ve been facing as a 15yo girl, feeling like I could really make something great with life and relationships… But like no one else is willing to support my journey. Instead all of my peers and elders seem to do nothing but criticize my views on life just because they aren’t really listening. I don’t think they really know me as well as they think they do, but I can’t stand to get away from them. I’ve supported my friends through a lot in their lives, been there when no one else has, and they abandon me every time I need a shoulder to cry on. It isn’t fair. Just because I lead with the “fun” part of my personality and have a hard time showing when I’m hurting, people expect that from me all the time and it’s exhausting. I want to do big things; I want to travel and be remembered by people, and I don’t want to be alone in my adventures, but none of my personal relationships ever really last and I hate it. I’m so young that I can’t really choose what I want to do with my life yet, but I want to do something bigger than this.
Wow! I am 18 and this describes me perfectly! Ive dealt with my weed addiction now but for the last three years I smoked everyday all day because of how bored I felt with life and I loved how it made life so much more fun and exciting when I was high. I also tried so hard in high school to be well liked often sucking up to people only to lose my temper really quickly when I felt threatened or like I was being attacked (even if I wasnt). As soon as I finished High school I wished I could have gone back and told my younger self to remain true to who I am. I also love adventure and excitement and go through a stage of depression once returning from a holiday and having to go back to my routine. This article is eye opening and accurate. God bless all ENFP and their open exciting hearts!
Thanks for the feedback, Kiri! I’m glad the findings resonated with you so strongly. I agree – God bless all ENFPs! What would the world be without their incredible ability to inspire?!
I’m 14,ENFP, and I can relate to the emotional stress/moodswings, is it normal for an ENFP teenager to feel lost? I feel like I don’t have any friends that I can really emotionally connect to.
I had the same issue. You will find friends like that (or you already know some but haven’t really connected yet). Your authenticity will help you in choosing them. Just go out there and make an effort (you can do it!) to meet people. Once you do, stick to them. Life will be so much better.
In reading over all the surveys from Intuitives, there was one common thread – College is much better than High School. I think people find it easier to create a tribe of like-minds in College.
Have you read this article? It might have some ideas to help with making friends in High School: https://www.personalityhacker.com/how-to-make-intuitive-friends-in-college/.
YES!!! I tell young people this a lot! As an ENFP, college is SO MUCH better than high school! I struggled so hard with high school and “fitting in with the norms” that I almost dropped out, but thanks to our town having an alternative school, I was able to finish and get a diploma. There is so much more freedom in college. YOU get to determine the path you take (that is if you are not still listening to those around you, i.e, parents, counselors, “the world”- and if you are STOP IT, you will be miserable).
Please be patient with yourself and totally trust your instincts! They will not let you down… At the same time with your big, open heart, find God and let go and trust him!!!! I promise it gets so much better! You might not have what everyone else has right now and that is okay because you are looking for so much more! Complacency is our Kryptonite, don’t live like that for one more minute! Shine your light, be you, and watch the world open and rain down opportunities!
Thanks again! I am reading this to my almost 15yrold ENFP tonight! Wish I could thank all those who contributed.
Thanks for your feedback, Cherie! What did your teen think of the article?
Charis I’ve also found as an enfp that because we tend to light it up. When we are experience the blues or are in pain it throws those around us off. When it come to intense emotional work I’ve found supporters are often at a loss of what to do with us. I can’t speak for all enfps, but from personal experience pain the emotional kind is most challenging to deal with. What say you?
That sounds fairly accurate. IF ENFPs always portray themselves as the life of the party, people are going to be taken aback when one suddenly has a meltdown. I recently did a tarot reading for an ENFP and he received a lot of instruction to meditate. Perhaps that is the best solution for an ENFP who is imploding – get some alone time and go inside. Then you don’t feel pressured to perform.
As an ENFP who has been imploding, there is a lot of wisdom in your advice. A vacation is what I have been crying out for for months – a few days or a week without husband, kids, friends – no demands, no one else’s needs or expectations – sit and breathe in some nature, drive and listen to some music, chat with strangers – time to make peace in my Self again.
I think such “breaks” are imperative for everyone. Otherwise, we stop performing at our best and go into a mode of existence that is barely functional. We are more short tempered and impatient, and may even injure ourselves or develop an illness if our bodies aren’t allowed to recharge or re-create. We start decompensating.
It’s like the pre-flight instruction on airlines to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help anyone else. How are you supposed to be a good wife and mother if you aren’t getting enough “oxygen?”
This is great advice not just for teens, but for enfps in general. I would add that I would have given my teen self advice in saving money, knowing your worth, that focusing on yourself is a must. Ask for help and give yourself time for reflection. Stop running from the pain, you can’t out run it anyway. However, I’ve never met an enfp that couldn’t dance through it. Learn to harness your pain and realize it is there to clear out stagnation. Oh,and the drug thing… if, you’re doing it to escape boredom or issues just remember that when you’re done the boredom, issues or fear will be there right where you left them, but often with added company.
Thanks for those helpful additions, Trina! You are so right. The Drug thing doesn’t solve anything. It just postpones it. I think it actually makes it harder to learn coping mechanisms too, because it becomes a habit to just check out when things get overwhelming.
1- Visual hobbies with dexterity (DIY projects, artisan workings, making food/beer/etc) keep ENFPs engaged and happy. I’ve made jewelry nearly half my life and have moved on into other mediums such as leatherwork over time and the gradual evolution between projects spark my interest and keeps it fun. Doing it full time can be fulfilling, or burn one out, depending on the situation. Sometimes keeping it as a side project can be the better route.
2- Seasonal jobs or dynamically changing jobs work well for ENFPs. When I became a tour guide, I felt I finally found the CAREER, the thing I can confidently fill into the occupation space on a customs form. Turns out, as an ENFP, even your calling can get boring. Luckily with seasonal work, you can leave it for a while, no hard feelings with an employer, and come back to it with a renewed interest at a later date. In regards to financial stress, if you work as an on the road tour guide, the pay is low but no rent needs to be paid so it can work out in your favor for saving money if done correctly. For location-based seasonal jobs, talking your way into a work-trade for accommodation can cut down on living expenses.
3- Substance Abuse can rear it’s ugly head every once in a while for some of us. Even for milder substances like caffeine. Keeping engaged with your interests and a robust social life with positive influences seems to help me with that.