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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about protecting your energy by creating good boundaries – not only with other people – but with yourself.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- Life is not a dress rehearsal podcast
- Everywhere we turn we see society trapped in a drama triangle
- We put too much power into the hands of victims
- We must recoup what we have lost in the drama triangle and turn it into an empowerment dynamic
- The Drama Triangle is dress rehearsal mentality
- “Something has to be fixed before I can live my life.”
- If we want to make an impact in the world, we need to be militant about protecting boundaries
- We sometimes have to set limits with ourselves
- Creating boundaries with yourself requires self-discipline
- Noble distractions – the distraction itself may not be unhealthy, but it may be unhealthy for you
- Some of us have to opt out of the social justice drama to avoid getting lost in the perceived nobility of it all
- The more you know where you’re heading, the less you can be pulled in directions that are distractions from what you’re supposed to do.
- We all want our lives to matter
- What is the point of posting things that create anger or righteous indignation in yourself and others?
- If our lives are going to matter we have to stop doing the crap we have done up until now
- We focus on individuals helping themselves and try to avoid current events and political alliances
- When we don’t have to deal with the drama of survival, it is easy for us to attach to other forms of drama to make our lives mean something
- Virtuous distractions can rob you of the energy you need to reach your true potential
- Are you staying on a nutritious path or being distracted by the purpose version of candy
- The universe doesn’t care about how many Facebook likes you have
- Posting stuff to Facebook doesn’t help anybody. Take action yourself.
- Change comes when you change the minds and hearts of people
- No savior is going to make the changes necessary. We have to be the savior!
- If we are going to see a change in the world we have to do it.
- When you grow up in the context of social media you imagine that what happens virtually happens literally. But that’s not how it works.
- The same skills that work in social media don’t translate to the physical plane
- People under 30 spend 41% of their day on their phone.
- We are becoming more disconnected from each other
- Social media seduces us into thinking we are doing something by being engaged with it
- It is powerful for people to be physically in each other’s presence
- Our infrastructure is crumbling because we live in a virtual world.
- Everyone believes things have to change for someone to live the life they want, but it happens in the opposite
- People go and do the things that are important to them, and they gain empowerment along the way
- Self-actualization is an emergent that comes from getting into action
- Don’t mistake online rules for real-world rules. They aren’t transferable
- Protect yourself against the seduction of the things that siphon your mental real estate
- The drama from social media is not a giver. It is a taker. You don’t get anything from it but synthetic hits. It’s like Cheetos. There’s no nutritional value.
- When you try to do something big and you have a trajectory even if you don’t accomplish your task you will still make progress because you are in action.
- We frame personal growth as being an epic action that changes the world, but sometimes it is just something small.
- The legacy you leave on Facebook is not going to be your legacy. It won’t have a lasting impact
- Millennials: It isn’t your job to save the world
- Being empowered doesn’t mean you saved the world. You may be a great parent or human being.
- You impact the world by having every person who engages with you have a better experience
- The idea that you have to change the world is outsourced thinking. There are no rules that say you have to change the world.
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13 comments
We wish you well on your journey. :)
A
Spot on. Putting s little work into something instead of bitching goes s long way. My personal growth is looking for the small wins and being passionate about it. Not just looking to be the superhero all the time and reacting so much to the outside world. Enjoy what your doing and be proactive. Way to step up your game guys!
Thanks for the podcast Antonia and Joel. I think I have reached the end of the road with PH podcasts. I appreciate all the value I have gained from your team. I think what made me uncomfortable about this podcast was what was implied by the kind of boundaries you guys addressed (Or didn’t, I can’t say for sure). I am at a stage in life where participation in social issues be it through social media or with my friends is important. Partly because I am affected and am generally at risk of being impacted negatively by systemic issues of justice especially in school. I still work as hard as I can but face certain obstacles as I do so. So not everyone can draw boundaries when it comes to dealing issues of social injustice and that’s ok. I guess my boundary is saying goodbye to this podcast. ❤
Dear Joel and Antonia,
Thank you for this podcast. It is so hard to not get drawn into the social media emotional black hole and the feeling of doing something when it is accomplishing nothing. I noticed a long time ago that the facebook soapbox does nothing and have gone months (over several years now) without even looking at it.
Here is a little backstory first. I am a Japanese American. During World War II, my grandfather led negotiations and hunger strikes in the relocation camp to try to bring better living conditions and eventual freedom to the Japanese American population. Three of his sons went into education. I work at a community college as an audiovisual technician (we get the classroom technology working for instructors). We serve largely low income, ethnically diverse students. I have always seen education as a way to help people live a better life and give them better opportunities. It has been a hard road for me to get myself out of the hero role in the drama triangle.
At the beginning of the semester, our president made a speech to the faculty and staff to give him ideas to not just graduate our students, but help them succeed in life. I did not dismiss this as the usual lip service call to have people send emails that will never be read, and instead wrote (ironically similar to my soapbox facebook posts) an email on encouraging people to give students letters of recommendation without prompting. He liked it. A month after the semester started, there was hate speech grafiti found in a bathroom, and then a few more places. The campus was in an uproar. I sent another email saying this was unfortunately a sign of a weak culture at the college. To really change racism, we as the employees of the college need to step up the building of a strong, healing, and diversity inclusive culture. He again thanked me for my input. This past weekend, the Pittsburgh synagogue shooting occurred. The president’s office posted on Monday we would gather together to talk about the tragedy, they called me to get some help, today we are having an assembly.
So that was my long winded way of saying sending what might have been a facebook post to the people in a position to do something about it, can have real changes. I sent what would have been my soapbox moment to the president of our college, offered my help and change is happening. And thank you, I would not have had the guts to voice my views to the president of the college if I hadn’t been growing myself with personality hacker blogs and podcasts over the past year.
~Michie
Thank you for this.
This was like being on a hike at night. You reach a place where you’re far enough away from the lights of the city to really see the stars. A vast, innumerable number of stars that boggle your mind and help you frame your place in the universe. At moments like that you feel small, still and insignificant – as do your problems, concerns and frustrations. The world – the universe – makes so much sense and all you want is stay inside that moment forever.
Then you return to ‘the real world’ and it seems to take no time at all to be get caught up in the stream of the tyranny of the ‘urgent’ that distracts and poisons the soul. The moment of clarity fades like a dream upon waking until you are left with nothing but a vague sense – impossible to recover.
I once heard a health ‘expert’ who claimed that you need to drink double the amount of water to offset the amount of soda you drink. If you have 8 ounces of Coke, you must drink 16 ounces to offset it in your system. Whether accurate or not, it stuck with me. I determined when I was inside the moment of clarity this podcast provided to make sure I up my intake of water such as this on a regular basis to offset the effects of life and help me balance my system.
Reminders like this, which invite a such a shift in perspective, could result in moments of clarity becoming hours of clarity and then perhaps lifetimes of clarity.
Here’s to lifetimes of Drama Triangle free clarity.