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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk with Profiler Training alumni, Mike Holden about his lived experience as an INTJ personality type.
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In this podcast you’ll find:
- Guest Host Mike Holden, INTJ, joins.
- Download our INTJ Personality Type Handy Guide to learn about the INTJ functions.
- How did Mike get into personality type?
- Mike shares how intuitive blending has affected his life.
- What is the relationship between Mike’s Sensation (Extraverted Sensing) 3 Year Old and how he used to show up in social settings?
- How did discovering his type change Mike’s life?
- How has Mike’s relationship to his Effectiveness (Extraverted Thinking) Copilot developed?
- Why does Mike find emotional intelligence and his Authenticity (Introverted Feeling) 10 Year Old to be important?
- Does living in Spain suit Mike’s lifestyle?
- What connection does Mike see between easily awing people with his intelligence when he was young and his resilience later in life?
- How has building habits and understanding compound effects been important for Mike in his life?
- How does Mike use his wiring to reach what he wants to achieve in life?
- Mike shares how Sensation (Extraverted Sensing) now shows up in his life.
- What advice would Mike give to his younger self?
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12 comments
Incredible. I used to bet used to spend hours timing all the horses at the correct distances on a Saturday morning during soccer am i used TE more then than ever in my life used to win thousands still could not be bothered to do it did not care about the money. Now i know i was just using my intuition. Sill bet on the footie now and then. Thing is cultural background of two INs must have a huge impact on there explanations of the functions i am from the same city. Big difference in being told how smart i am always was told i am an idiot but i did play on it a bit. Obviously as an INFP emotional intelligence is number 1. I always say logical reasoning in the moment is only a quick fix. I was so happy to listen to this Thank You Mike.
This was absolutely amazing!! Thank you Mike and Personality Hacker! I don’t know if I am an INTJ…but I resonated with everything he said…the struggles of realizing that Te did not mean starting and finishing a task in the same sitting is huge for me. I realize it now (at 41) but I still struggle with the procrastination habit I created as a coping skill to activate the stress I needed to get my butt in gear to come through and start and finish a task at the last minute!! That has caught up with me as I also associated starting and finishing to mean in “one sitting”…and since the last minute does not always give enough time to finish a task in one sitting I have finally created a different fire…the fire of negative feedback… I have spent most my life facing towards my dreams and shutting out anything that was contrary to them. I know now this is not Emotional intelligence…and I definitely have work to do in gaining clarity around this area of myself. I must unravel what I have raveled to get back to a healthy way of calibrating and then performing. I have spent most my time wound up so that I had some idea of the time it would take me to “get something done”. But how you do one thing is how you do everything…and approaching every task by giving myself just enough time to “get it done” is exhausting and just ridiculous. I also resonate with being told I was smart from an early age…in fact I find myself asking myself now, “What does smart even mean?” I feel less than smart most of the time and also find myself wondering why I am not further along if I am so smart. I think when we are younger, and in school, smart is often a word that adults used to label children with a capacity to take in information without questioning the why. This trick, of ignoring the why was a shortcut for my Te.A shortcut I used all the way through college. And now I have to realize I need to ask “why”. To myself and to others…This is the work I find myself in now. I am wondering if the process I am describing is related to my type or is it more related to the journey of maturing?
Hi Trevor,
Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated. I’m glad you found it helpful.
If I could recommend one place to start with emotional intelligence, it would be understanding the mechanics of desire. When it comes to emotions, I firmly believe that desire is the start of everything.
There’s a brilliant and quite amusing book called ‘On Desire’ by William Irvine that should leave your Ni driver feeling pretty complete in terms of attacking the subject from many different perspectives.
For me, that book was a tipping point. Once I had digested all the a-ha’s from it, so much else fell into place and I was suddenly more compelled to check in with my desires from moment to moment, applying this new knowledge to try and identify the root source of my own feelings and behaviours.
It becomes like a game, continually wanting to get in ahead of emotions early when the stakes are low. Yet the process, once that knowledge is there, feels very rational and satisfying.
And like any habit – eg. finances and balance sheets – you’re much less likely to have a backlog of unwanted stuff bubble up later when you check in regularly like that – or, at least, be much less daunted by whatever does inevitably bubble up from time to time.
It’s also funny you should mention that your best friend is an ESFP. Mine is too, going back nearly 30 years. He’s definitely my biggest mentor when it comes to staying in the moment, usually when I’m on the verge of freaking out about a high-stakes situation that I’m worried I can’t handle!
All the best,
Mike
Hey Mike- INTJ here as well. This was refreshing since it seemed like you are somewhat of an a-stereotypical INTJ (not sure how I would describe a stereotypical INTJ, but maybe ‘5-ish’ for lack of a better expression?). I completely resonated with the experience of being told early in life how good I was at everything but didn’t realize how it was impeding my progress. It’s so true- thanks for that perspective! Also, loved how you described your development path as ‘compound interest’. It’s an all-encompassing term especially since it’s so easy for us to sit around and imagine what it could be and then thinking to ourselves ‘it can’t be that hard, right?’ :) Thanks again and wish you all the very best with the future endeavors.
Well said 10 mins in to the podcast i was the same drink socialise.