PHQ | QUESTIONS: How Can INFJs and ENTJs communicate better?
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PHQ | QUESTIONS FROM COMMUNITY: In this episode, Joel and Antonia answer a listener question about better communication between his ENTJ stepmom and INFJ girlfriend.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- There may be more dynamics involved here than just type.
- Type may just be a node in the system.
- Antonia’s brother (ENTJ) always got along well with his INFJ mother. In fact, he married an INFJ.
- The male/female equation may make a difference.
- NJs can have great conversations.
- Not a lot of rifts between Te/Fe because both valued hard work and efficiency.
- Antonia’s mom isn’t the type of INFJ that withholds info. She’s very forthcoming. Transparent.
- She will cause rifts if the truth is necessary.
- Enneagram differences may be causing the issues.
- The INFJ girlfriend may be of an Enneagram type that believes smoothing things over is of the utmost importance.
- It may be necessary for her to use her introverted intuition to understand the needs of the other person.
- If the ENTJ stepmom needs honesty, the girlfriend can grow by using her driver/copilot together to help meet the needs of the ENTJ stepmom.
- (Assuming everyone is on their best behavior and there are not other nodes in this system of which we are not aware. )
- Also, the ENTJ stepmom can call on her introverted intuition to recognize that the girlfriend may be struggling with communication. The stepmom can give her some space and be patient.
- ENTJs and INFJs don’t usually have issues communicating with each other.
- There may be different dynamics involved that are causing problems.
- ENTJ can try to get the truth out more responsibly.
- INFJ can be more forthcoming with the data.
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I’m a polyamorous INFJ. My husband of ten years is a INFP, and we mostly have had trouble with him being the one withholding information, or wanting to be private, or needing more alone time. We get along like two soul-mates who’ve done this dance before in many lifetimes – not a lot of passion, but tons of compatibility and genuine compassion.
My newer husband, of three years, is a ENTJ (or at least, we think he is; he used to test out as an INTJ in the past, but honestly, ENTJ descriptions seem to illustrate his character much better). We have powerful passion, but also heated disagreements. He does help pull me out of my shell in much-appreciated ways, and we definitely resonate a lot in our ability to communicate about abstract systems, thoughts and ideals. I find it easier to discuss systems with my ENTJ husband, and easier to discuss emotions with my INTP husband.
— Raederle, an INFJ
The topic of this PHQ is really interesting to me. I’m a male INFJ and my experience lines up with Antonia’s description of her mother and brother- I tend to get along really well with ENTJs. I’ve never really seen any suggestions concerning INFJ/ENTJ compatibility, but I’ve noticed it personally time and again. However, I may be an outlier because I seem to gravitate toward NTs in general.
I had assumed a big part of it was Fe & Te generally being concerned with different things and therefore largely staying out of the other’s way- plus the shared NJ helps facilitate communication.
As an aside- ENTJs can be excellent friends for INFJs who struggle with trying to be more direct and assertive. I’ve never met an ENTJ who doesn’t respect assertiveness- and my repeated interactions with quite a few ENTJ coworkers over the years has been assertiveness TaeBo.
Really enjoyed the PHQ. Thanks to both of you for all the great information you continue to provide.