Podcast – Episode 0006 – Male Feelers & Female Thinkers

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According to the MBTI (Myers-Briggs) personality system, Joel is a feeler male and Antonia is a thinker female. In this podcast they talk about what it’s like to be a personality type that goes against the grain of popular culture.

In this podcast you’ll find:

  • This podcast episode will talk about Male – Female dynamics and personality types, focusing Feeler Males and Thinker Females.
  • Even if a man and woman are the same personality, regardless of the typology system used, there will be differences.
  • Thinker VS Feeler
  • Thinker – is someone who basically makes decision based in metrics and criteria takin into account. Does it make sense analytically? Will it work?
  • Feeler – makes decisions based on how it will impact other people. How are people going to be impacted? How is it going to impact the family?
  • All thinkers feel and all feelers think.
  • It is assumed that women will be feelers and men thinkers
  • 75% of females are feelers. They have a higher emotional intelligence.
  • There are people that don’t necessarily fit on the cultural definition of masculinity and femininity. Separate yourself from your personality type from femininity and masculinity. Being able to do this means that you can fully embrace your authentic nature.
  • Your femininity is not defined by making decisions.
  • In today’s generation, we’re starting to see couples go together to the next stage of their lives.
  • Men have a lot of support of how masculinity is defined, as someone who’s taking care of his children and many more.

Exercise we recommend in this podcast:

  • Are you a feeler male or a thinker female? What has been your experience as non-stereotype? Where have you not fit into whatever cultural type you live in and what has been your experience? What are the tools you’re using to accept your authentic self? We want to hear from you. Leave your comments below.


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Showing 13 comments
  • Lisbeth

    As an INTJ woman I’ve been experiencing this “social pressure” about how a woman is “supposed to be” since very tender age. And for a long time I was comparing myself with other women, frequently feeling something is wrong with me. There has also been a lot of comments about how I need to change, be more flirtatious, easygoing, yes, feminine. “Why don’t you smile? are you bored? Are you angry?”. For some time I even tried to fit in, and be someone I’m not. Needles to say, the tough INTJ core is not going anywhere. 🙂 I was lucky to meet some amazing people who accept me for who I am, and who get to see the nurturing and open side, which helps tremendously. As for the rest of the society… well, I am who I am, don’t feel the need to be liked by everyone anymore. Thanks for the podcasts and work that you do! Very helpful in understanding self and others.

  • Matt

    Every time Antonia says “woo-woo” I giggle. The fact that y’all use words that are TOTALLY unprofessional but absolutely get the point across in a professional way is admirable and easy to relate to.

  • lol

    “I’m fully behind the Men’s Rights movement, I think men are going through a tough time right now” *clicks out*

    • Antonia Dodge

      I suspect the very things that made you ‘click out’ – my statement seen through the lens of things like women feeling unsafe around men, thoughtless patriarchy, the current alt-right image of disempowered boys projecting their lack of sovereignty onto anyone not them in race and gender, etc… – are perpetuated and made worse by being unwilling to acknowledge the challenges people that you believe are advantaged face.

      Sympathy isn’t a scarce resource reserved only for the most under privileged. Sympathy is an expression of love, which grows in abundance. All people are deserving of love, sympathy, and an acknowledgement of their struggles.

      That said, we recorded this podcast in a very different political climate. Right now everyone is acting as if to sympathize with a situation automatically means condoning any and all bad things which may come from that situation.

      It’s a conflation we as a culture must get under control. We are becoming infinitely stupider because of it.


  • Charrose

    INTJ female here. I agree with Antonia’s point about liking women and valuing them as friends, but also feeling very different from them. Men I’ve dated have found me “intimidating”–their words. Right now I’m dating a guy who is an INFP. We’ve gotten into a few arguments which I didn’t even know were arguments–I was collecting data while he was feeling attacked. I’m more interested in MBTI than he is, so I try to use it when possible to help me understand an interaction. But when I explained to him how my thinking nature drove me, he said it was helpful to know that I wasn’t trying to manipulate him to “say the wrong thing” or something.

    There were some points statements in this podcast about feminism and “men’s rights” that I found to be… off. Feminism is not about insisting that only women should be in charge, hating men, degrading men. That would be misandry. Feminism is about dismantling the patriarchal structures that bind various genders. That includes allowing men to embrace and express their full range of emotions, including those that have been deemed “feminine” and therefore lesser emotions. Feminism is about breaking down the societal norms of how we “should” identify and behave in given gender roles. The idea that feminism is anti-men is a misrepresentation used to undermine it’s credibility and value. “Men’s rights” or “meninism” was created as a rebuttal to feminism (because the establishment gets very uncomfortable when others want equal treatment, in my opinion). But feminism is intended for everyone, not just women–it is also valuable for men to be accepted as their full selves.

    I also realize that this podcast was from 2014. I wonder if Antonia still sees feminism the way it seemed in the podcast.

  • Stella

    I’m an INTP female. Interestingly enough I went to school with a fair few INTJs and ENTJs (my best friend is an INTJ, also female) and have an INTJ father, so I only realised that I was a bit different when I went to university and started dating. I’m able to “pass” to some extent – I like animals, wear skirts (for comfort) and don’t talk much, so people who don’t know me well tend to think I’m soft/shy. This tends to work in my favour mostly with women. Men are better at dealing with the sarcasm. Work is fine – I was somewhat abrasive when younger, but have since learnt to criticise in a more tactful (passive aggressive?) manner. Fortunately I picked a field where precision is valued.

    Dating is hard, however. Generally I just seem not to be on the radar, or men will expect me to play along with social conventions (letting them do the asking, pay, get doors, etc.) – I’m far too much of a control freak for that. I am happy to initiate and in fact that is my test of whether I like someone enough. I tend to make it known fairly early on that the other party will have to make their feelings quite clear to me because I am not the best at reading social cues. I also emphasise that dating should be a mutually exclusive interaction; I don’t want to waste anyone’s time! I will let the man know if I don’t think I’m getting anything out of it, and I expect him to do the same. I don’t know why this makes me “difficult” (seems like common sense), but it apparently does! An ex (also INTP) described me as variously as “cold”, “metallic” and “a brick” (you can imagine that we did not part on the best of terms). I found it rather ironic because he knew from work that I was an INTP and that we were very similar, but he expected me to behave differently in the relationship because I was a woman.

  • Dana

    Thank you for the podcast and comments! ENTP woman here with a very developed Fe due to cultural conditioning. Even though my well-developed Fe has helped me to keep good relations with most people, I feel like I have not really been true to myself, hiding my Ti and not bringing my true strengths to the table until just recently. I Am highly intuitive and innerly extremely logical system thinker, whether it be analyzing people, organisational or data systems. I make connections in my surroundings with a very high speed and tend to question authority, gladly my Ti-Fe has mostly helped me to pick the right “fights” (but not always;). I have also been through different stages of discovering femininity as a thinking woman. It started out trying to fit into the SF femininity style, which obviously didn’t work, then the phase of femininity as an inner goddess inside of you and now the process of being feminine as being true to my thinking preference, still at the same time trying to bring out the feminine side of the creativity and imagination typical to ENTPs, also the balanced liveliness and wisdom that well-developed ENTPs can posess……..but I believe there are plenty of more facets to my peronality to be unfolded;)also on the femininity side…….I am on an awesome journey……!!!:)

  • ENTJ woman

    I’m in ENTJ woman (Commander, Field Marshall) in love with an INFJ guy (Protector, Advocate).

    I completely lucked out. I’m confident, extroverted, data driven, analytical, perfectionistic, and highly successful in my career, but he’s been even more successful. He sees me as cute and adorable even though no other men do. He’ll follow my lead — and he gets a kick out of it — he’s completely comfortable in his masculinity. And yes, sometimes he tells sweetly tells me I’m making the wrong decision. He’s usually right.

  • Naomi

    As Sarah Turco above pointed out, I too have noticed that women are expected to have Harmony as their primary driver in communication, so being an INTP who leads with Accuracy confuses the hell out of people. It makes most of my women coworkers see me as a suspicious outsider, and leads me only to befriend women with xNTP or xNFP types.

    A lot of men are attracted to me (and it doesn’t hurt that I keep up my athletic build and that I enjoy dressing stylishly), but begin to have a “something’s very odd here” sensation when they realize how much I need them to be explicit about what they feel. One former boyfriend was attracted to my strength and unshakeable composure, but broke up with me when his mother characterized me as “cold” and he realized that’s what he felt about me too.

    Male coworkers usually find me very agreeable. I’ve even been described as “warm and sensitive” — by other software engineers who are male. But that’s definitely a minority report. 🙂

  • Sarah Turco

    I’m an INFP female, and something I’ve noticed is that society not only expects women to be feelers, they expect women to use extroverted feeling (harmony) specifically as either their driver or co-pilot process. I know an ENTP and an ENFP who have each pattern recognized this trend as well and we’ve talked about it. We’ve noticed, for example, that even though my ENFP friend and I use introverted feeling (authenticity), we simply don’t know how to comfort people who are in distress. We might feel more sympathy toward someone who is upset than a thinker might, but we just have no idea what to say to that person to make them feel better. I’ve been called selfish for my inability to use this skill of consoling other people and meeting their emotional needs. This ability seems to come more naturally to the people I know (specifically other women) who use harmony.

  • Aly

    INTJ female here. I have to say that a lot of the stereotypes I came across when I was younger had to do with how a women is supposed to flirt or how she is supposed to express sympathy and nurturing attitudes toward those who are struggling. Women found me cold because I didn’t see the point of small talk or voicing yet another sound of sympathy for a girl who just got dumped by a guy I thought was terrible for her anyway; men thought I wasn’t interested or intimidating because I didn’t automatically second their thoughts on an idea. When I got older a lot of men I worked with did treat me with respect but it was almost as if they saw me as one of the guys. (A lot of the women still found me cold, but grudgingly admitted I was fair) I was accused of fearing relationships because I didn’t bother to go on second dates with guys I knew I couldn’t connect with long term.

    My husband turned out to be a feeler man who could see my feminity even as we discussed microbiology or international policy (just as I could see his masculitity as a few tears leaked out during a touching movie scene, even though secretly I thought the scene was cheesy).

  • intp female

    it’s nice to hear this podcast, combining a bunch of ideas i’ve had myself about gender and social expectations, along with personality typing. i’ve been told numerous times i have ‘femininity issues’ (because i do not wear makeup/high heels/etc etc …) and in certain ways act exactly ‘like a man’ (reasons too many to list, physical appearance aside). Sure, i also come across as cold and unexpressive (typical intp?) which i’m totally ok with, but suppose that can be hard for some people to process. That said, most react with ‘you’re weird, ok, whatever’ and life goes on…anyway… thanks for the thought-provoking discussion!

  • Abongile

    Hi, I am a male INFP. My struggle has been that I see a need for me to be the typical male, and being ‘unable’ to become that has frustrated me so much. I want to be effective and impersonal. I value these traits. Am I wanting something impossible? How can I become a better leader and family man with my personality type?

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