Podcast – Episode 0101 – ESTJ Personality Type Advice
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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the ESTJ personality type.
In this podcast on the ESTJ personality type you’ll find:
- We use the car model to go through the cognitive function stack to better fillet it.
- As an ESTJ you want to get right to business, as the results from the survey we sent to you mentioned over and over again.
- The driver process is Extraverted Thinking that we nicknamed “Effectiveness.”
- It’s the bottom line thinking getting things done in the outer world. It asks “what works?”
- Effectiveness drivers are really good at project management and make good leaders and family managers. It doesn’t matter what your role is, you are a manager at heart.
- Effectiveness likes to cull data and look for metrics that help determine what the pass/fail criteria is.
- They value effectiveness over efficiency. It’s not just getting the job done fast, it’s getting the job done in a sustainable way.
- If you’re always looking at the bottom line you can miss the most effective thing by potentially bulldozing through others because you are trying to get to that end result rather than a sustainable or long term result.
- There’s something that helps with that – the co-pilot process.
- The co-pilot is introverted learning process called Introverted Sensing that we have nicknamed “Memory.”
- Memory is about what is sustainable, what has stood the test of time, templates that have worked before.
- Marrying these two mental processes (Effectiveness & Memory) it’s a super power.
- Memory requires you to slow down and take the time to get into that introverted space.
- It’s hard for extraverts to get into that introverted space and really understand what is sustainable.
- Introverted Sensing captures everything that’s going on in the world through the senses. It helps with understanding how we are impacted by the past.
- An introverted sensing person will say, “You can tell a lot about a person by the family they come from.”
- If ESTJs are focused too much on the bottom line, they completely remove the human element. They forget that everyone is impacted by their own experiences. They can be unsympathetic and exploitative.
- They can go straight to their less developed or 10-year-old process of Extraverted Intuition.
- ESTJs 10-year-old process is Extraverted Intuition we have nicknamed “Exploration.”
- By skipping the co-pilot to go to this process, they could focus on gaming the system, they can do things highly exploitative.
- When they go to their co-pilot first they are doing things based on integrity and good conscience.
- The 10-year-old is good in a supportive role to the co-pilot
- Exploration helps ESTJs be willing to take a chance, when they use our 10-year-old in service of their co-pilot.
- When they only look at the big picture without the human element that’s when they get into trouble.
- When people constantly bring their personal problems to them, ESTJs tend to wonder why the person can’t just pick themselves up by their boot straps. They find it annoying.
- ESTJs often feel like “it’s not personal just business.” It’s just about accomplishing this thing we want to do.
- The 3-year-old process is Introverted Feeling that we have nicknamed Authenticity.
- We use this in times of stress. It can register as an emotion, depression or physical illness.
- Even as a grown-up when we are emotionally overwhelmed or experiencing low level depression, being physically held or being communicated to with your love language can be really big.
- Antonia highly recommends The 5 Love Languages. Find out what your love language is so you can tell your loved ones when you need a little love.
- The best way for the 3-year-old authenticity to show up is as aspiration and integrity. They want to make sure they are doing things based on conscience and not being exploitive.
- One thing that came up in the survey over and over again for ESTJs is that they can be experienced by other people as demanding.
- You could be in a situation where someone keeps breaking your systems and framework down or hijacking your Effectiveness. You need to get into a place where you have autonomy and control.
- The co-pilot balances out the extraverted process. You take people into account, you see how other people make memories. Slowing down and taking in that information allows you to make better decisions.
- Antonia recently heard an effectiveness user say “What if we save the world and what if we walk there instead of run?” It’s a great way of making timelines less aggressive.
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I found your ESTJ episode very interesting and informative. I am always looking to grow, in my mindset, in hobbies, to be a better person and just grow as a human. I am very orderly, not in the sense that everything has to be done in specific steps, but I manage everything. And I’m good at it. I’ve always held managerial jobs. What I found most interesting was holding on to the human perspective. I have always felt that I sometimes I have to work very hard on keeping that. And I can see how it would be easy for someone who is ESTJ to lack empathy and become exploitative. I’ve never done that, but I can sometimes feel that I walk that line. That I COULD do that, but my moral compass is still intact and I would feel very guilty about exploiting someone. I very much have the mindset that “it’s not personal, it’s business” and I do feel bad when people can’t understand that. When I managed a T-Mobile, over a decade ago, I had to sit many people down to have conversations about meeting their metrics. I had one gentleman break down and cry, and I lacked empathy in that moment. It wasn’t personal, it was business. He wasn’t meeting his metrics. He was a lovely guy, very pleasant, kind, and funny, but his work was lacking.
I have found that I do lack empathy in certain situations, and that is because of my own personal life experiences.
I come from a very hard working family. A lot of life was, “Are you bleeding? No? Then you’ll live. Suck it up.” And that does not always translate well in many situations. I am very practical, a friend once told me I was surgical in my choices. And I have never been sure what to do with that comment. She’s one of my best friends, we speak daily. I know she meant it as a good compliment, that I can break down my decisions and make the choice based on logical information. But, it’s also hard to hear. Maybe because it’s true. It’s propbably also why several ex-boyfriends called me a cold hearted witch. (the polite word wasn’t used.) But I made the breakup decisions based on logic, if he created, he will do it again. And once I make a decision, that it. My mind is set. I do not second guess and I do not look back. The decision has been made. Now we move forward. I guess as I type this it does seem mildly surgical.
Anyway, I found your podcast enlightening. I have taken the Myers Briggs many times, through work team building days mostly, and I am always an ESTJ. It’s never changed. The first one I took I was about 20. Just wanted to say thank you for your podcast, I realize you made this several years back, but I just wanted to pop on and say thanks.
Awesome explanation of who I am, I am trying to turn my marriage around as my wife is pretty frustrated with me every day. Heard you on Jayson Gaddis podcast when you was both quest speakers. My hope is to be a better husband as soon as I can, we have spend a lot of money going to counselors which helped a little (but not enough).
Can a ESTJ be an empath? You all diagnosed me as an ESTJ but I am an empath and feel everyone and everything. I think I may have the wrong model. How do I know?
I believe my mother is an ESTJ. Like your said, she’s a great at being a family manager and getting tasks accomplished. Question though, can a Te dominant user get frustrated with things not being done “right?” My mother gets agitated when people done accomplish tasks how she thinks they should be done. Which this makes sense for an ESTJ. I’ve noticed as she’s gotten older and had grandkids that she slows down and sees past memories as a way to better understand where others are coming from. Thanks for helping me better understand where my family is coming from, Joel and Antonia. Personality Hacker is the best MBTI resource on the internet. 🙂
We’re not rushing to our death; we’re rushing to get things done before we die. If you walk instead of run to save the world, there may be no world left to save.
Hi Guys… so I just started a new job that has an hour and a half commute, each way… and as I was driving one day I started to wonder about personalities (I love studying personalities) and wondered if 1. are their right jobs for each personality type, or… 2. is there a right way to perform any job (for each personality type)… then I wondered if there were any Podcasts out there that talked about personality types and then I found you! I am IN LOVE with your podcast and am glad I’m in the car for 3 hours a day so I can listen to as many podcasts as possible before I pull into the driveway (hee, hee). I’m an ESTJ by the way and your 101 podcast on ESTJs BLEW MY MIND. I felt so justified. I felt I like I finally had the words to explain my ‘crazies’ sometimes. It was awesome. I love the part about supporting your co-pilot… taking time to do a hobby you love. That is SOOOO true. We just moved AND I started my new job and I have been an un-fun driving machine at my house lately. It’s time I put down the box cutter, stud finder and vacuum (ha), and get out and do a hike with my family. My lovely, smart, independent 9 year old daughter and I always seem to butt heads. I look forward to finding out her personality type so I can work WITH her instead of feeling like I’m pushing her around so much. I love her to pieces and need to find some common ground so we can connect better. Can you suggest a way I can determine her Myers Briggs personality? Again, you guys are really fun to listen to and I’m learning so much. Thanks!
It’s funny I took a thorough life purpose course aimed at finding your soul purpose and the type of career to have. And the personality I have is ESTJ, I discovered that the career I found authenticly was one of the same as MBTI recommendations, it fascinates me how this can help you understand your self in career better and especially understanding where others are coming from. With this whole system, i can connect with almost any personality type. Pretty cool.
Someone suggested I listen to this and as an ESTJ, I found it funny when you were wrapping up the podcast because I had things to do and I was just thinking of how long this was and when it was going to be over! I find it hard to relax and have to force myself to relax and do something that I would normally say is a waste of time once a week for about two hours. The rest of the time, I walk around the house looking for something to clean or organize.
I also agreed with your ESTJ blind spot and it describes me perfectly, although the whole manager thing isn’t really me because I couldn’t be bothered with worrying about employees.
I do also always seem to say the wrong thing or it comes across the wrong way. I’ve resorted to just telling people this so they get it and not get all offended when I tell them something. I’ve learned to try to think before I speak, but it’s still a struggle.
Hi Joel and Antonia,
I am an ENFP, and I believe that I know a few ESTJ men–platonically. Something that they all seem to share is a tendency to want to relate to women as their rescuers, as knights in shining armor. Even in friendships, or professional capacities, they seem to be more comfortable this way. I feel uncomfortable with it, because I don’t want to be shoehorned into a Damsel in Distress role, and kept there. I think they are sincere and well-intentioned, but it gets boring having to treat someone as if they always have their cape on, especially when I simply have more life experience than they do.
I am an ESTJ and someone suggested me to listen to this podcast. I can say this is exactly me!
As an ESTJ, I found out, naturally, I don’t want to experience new things, I always wanted to be on efficient traditional ways to do things rather than do some risks and I think most of the ESTJs are sticking with their lives instead of changing it.
But now, I see, doing high risks tasks and experiencing new ways have changed my life and helped me to have bigger dreams.
In terms of hobbies, it is really hard to spend a time for these activities. however, I am still trying to slow things down and have fun.
At the end, thank you for this podcast and I am looking for a way to get your latest updates on ESTJ personalities and I couldn’t find it.
Hi There! A lot of things hit home directly, especially the “it’s not personal” idea…I work with someone who is always personal, and only comes from a place of deep emotional connection – everything is personal, which directly does not jive with me – and I find it emotionally exhausting. Constantly worrying if I have offended her, but at the same time, not really caring b/c I know we will work it out anyway. Also, I have been feeling pretty aggressive with my team lately – timeline and time crunch – and feeling like I’m being “demanding” and aggressive, and worrying about whether my team is chafing under the weight of me “driving the bus too hard, too fast.” I am going to slow down, to “walk to the finish and change the world” (make no mistake, I AM changing the world! HaHa). Joel, did you think I was an ESTJ? I’m interested to know.
Hi Antonia and Joel! I’m an INTJ who has an ESTJ father. I just wanted to let you know that you hit the nail on the head with him! (He literally is a 50 something year old man who works a conservative job and travels with a group of bikers on the weekends, and I found it hilarious that you said that!)
It’s so funny because I already knew all of the things you said about my father’s type just from knowing him as a person, but it’s amazing that although my dad and and I are very different in our personalities and just as people, I have learned so much from him as I grew up. Or rather, our differences are probably the very reason he has been able to teach me so much!
Anyway, I just wanted you to know that hearing this episode brought a smile to my face. Thanks for all you do!
Hi Antonia, Joel,
I just heard your podcast about ESTJ and would like to compliment your work when describing this personality. My husband is an ESTJ and I am always looking for more information to help him with his personal growth, and I’ve been frustrated because most of the information that I find about this type are very biased, and picturing then as villains, while they are actually great hearts that are still learning how to deal with other people’s feelings. I’ve been following you through the podcast, and always being amazed with the quality of your beautiful work, congratulations!
Ana, I’m an ESTJ and my favourite people (I have 3 really close friends) are all INFPs 🙂