The most common misconception about Introverts and Extraverts is their relationship to people. If you’re shy, it’s assumed you’re an Introvert. If you love to party, it’s assumed that you’re an Extravert. While there is a measure of truth to this, there is a far more accurate answer.
When you distill it down to its essence, the actual difference between Introverts and Extraverts is this: for Introverts, the inner world is the ‘real world’. For Extraverts, the external world is the ‘real world’. This is why Introverts will pause slightly before they speak, as if they’re making sure their words first resonant internally before they put it out ‘to the world’. Extraverts are the opposite – they’ll often speak while they’re thinking, as if hearing it outside of themselves helps them determine the value or truth of their own statement.
So, how does this impact their relationship with people? Not everything in the external world is going to resonate with the complex internal world of the Introvert. In fact, much of the world does not. Introverts are put in the position of constantly filtering information and calibrating it to what they know to be true internally. This can be quite taxing after a while, and time to themselves becomes a necessary reprieve.
The exception to this is when an Introvert makes space for another person in that ‘inner world’. This is most commonly seen when they mate or develop an extremely tight bond. That other person no longer is at odds with the ‘internal world’ as they have their own place there. It’s been reported by Introverts that they could actually spend all their time with that person, and usually feel lonely when that person is away.
On the other hand, Extraverts feel the most ‘at home’ when they are interacting with their environment. As a general rule, variety is stimulating and the more people they come in contact with, the more interesting it all is. Too much time to themselves leaves them bored and restless, and they need to interact with their environment to ‘recharge’. This doesn’t always require people – simply going for a walk, getting out-and-about or studying interesting things can be enough.
We all make places for special people inside of ourselves. As Extraverts are charged and fueled by the variety of their environment, if they spend too much time with a single person it can almost begin to feel like being alone. Intending no insult to their loved one, they can become restless and want to ‘get out into the world’ with or without that person accompanying them. Introverts, gun-shy from years of having to ‘calibrate’ to the outside world, can become bashful and protective of their energy. Extraverts, realizing other people are full of new information and energy can become extremely social to pursue that energy. But each person is unique, and how the two frames of mind exhibit themselves can be nuanced.
For example, Introverts can become ‘pontificators’ – people who take control of the conversation and its subject. Instead of calibrating to the outside world, they attempt to force the outside world to calibrate to their ‘inner world’. In these situations, doing all the talking avoids a back-and-forth conversation that quickly wears on the Introvert. An alternative example is the Extravert who is very aware of, and can fear, approval and disapproval of others. Since that is the ‘real world’, disapproval feels like an objective evaluation, and a resulting shyness can come over the Extravert that dearly wants to be social.
Each of us experience life differently, and we develop a variety of strategies to get us through life. When it comes down it, however, an Introvert is happiest when life is resonating with how they feel on the inside, and an Extravert is happiest when they can explore the outside world to their heart’s content.
There is an approximately 50/50 split in the population between Introverts and Extraverts.
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Isabel Briggs Myers
How are "Sensors" and "Intuitives" Different?
33 comments
Thanks for the feedback Audie! Sometimes when the dominant cognitive functions aren’t cluing us in to our personality type we like to turn to the inferior functions.
For example, the tertiary function of ENFP is Extraverted Thinking or Effectiveness. This function might show up when you aren’t feeling at your best. It might manifest as controlling and domineering. Possibly even angry outbursts when you are not getting your way. Or the tendency to push and make things happen at any cost.
The tertiary function of INFP is Introverted Sensing or Memory. This may show up as seeking psychological comfort and retreating to your comfort zones. It can feel trapped by past decisions and experiences and become a veritable shut-in if not careful.
Do either one of those sound like things you would do when feeling out of sorts?
I’m not sure if you have had a chance to look over this article, but it explains some of the terms I use above:
http://www.personalityhacker.com/when-you-almost-know-your-personality-type/
“An alternative example is the Extravert who is very aware of, and can fear, approval and disapproval of others. Since that is the ‘real world’, disapproval feels like an objective evaluation, and a resulting shyness can come over the Extravert that dearly wants to be social.”
I feel this is very much me. I generally type as an INFP. But it’s such a borderline thing that I can easily get ENFP with one or two minor answer changes (those questions that I feel sorely conflicted about). Reading about the functions isn’t helping much. And I think this point is in part to blame.
I learned early on as a child to function independently of others because it was both required—I had two younger brothers that preferred playing with each other over me, and we lived in the country long before the Internet and such was around to provide outside companions—and because I vividly remembered feeling too different in my thoughts. I quickly became afraid/overly cautious in expressing myself because I didn’t want to cause trouble (like my one brother did in his inability to Stop. Talking. during an argument). Being quiet and swallowing my desire to interact was easier emotionally than risking being ‘wrong’ or ‘upsetting’ or ‘inadequate.’ Over all I’d say I was highly sensitive, much more than anyone realized, and sort of learned to be introverted out of a sense of self-preservation. Or some such.
I’m questioning whether I might actually be an extrovert who’s simply learned to live fairly introverted-ly out of habit because I’m so afraid of being vulnerable despite my strong desire to interact with the external world fully. I love my internal world but I actually find myself more drained by it than excited by it. A lack of external input, I think.
Not sure what purpose I have in writing all this, just “talking out loud” as it were (which is something I do very often, in pretend conversations with other people, out loud, to myself, cringe).
Anyway, very interesting article. I’ve been enjoying the content here. Keep it up!
Thanks for the comment, Joe – and Welcome! Have you explored this article yet:
http://www.personalityhacker.com/when-you-almost-know-your-personality-type/
Thanks for the article. I just found this site, and enjoyed the INTP vs INTJ article, because I’m probably one of those two. The I and N seem very strong. In fact, maybe I’m somehow biased, because I actually want them to be I and N. Those are the traits I value most.
So, yes, the internal world is more “real”, or I’ll say more relevant, to me.
Regarding stats, polling only HS students does seem skewed. Really, really so. Uck. On the one hand, I feel very “unique” in the world, meaning no one understands me. Of course, I don’t share a damn thing, so how could they… I shouldn’t have to tell them, LOL.
It makes sense to me that there are more Introverts than I’ll encounter. It’s the Extroverts that are out and about, making noise, and contact with others. All the Introverts are like me: home on Friday night, curled up with a good book, or ignoring time and place, and continuing to work on the current “project”. All depth, no breadth…
Thanks for the articles. I look forward to reading more “tie breaker” articles, especially of the IN flavors.
Thanks for the comment. I’m confused, though. The article specifically states being shy and/or being in your head are not qualifiers of introversion. (For example, when talking about Extraverts getting energy from the outer world: “This doesn’t always require people – simply going for a walk, getting out-and-about or studying interesting things can be enough.”)
As mentioned, it’s which world is the REAL world for you. That doesn’t inform your shyness/gregarity levels nor would it indicate how much time you spend thinking.
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