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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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306 comments
thank you
I also wanted to add that my jobs have all been health care related, or manufacturing jobs where I don’t have to have contact with people.
Thanks so much for discussing this. I found the link to this podcast in an INFJ FB group. I rarely leave my home. I’m very functional with my family, and feel safe, although they don’t really understand how hard it is for me to go into social settings. My adult daughter recently told me that if I let someone in, who is not a part of my inner circle, it only lasts about a week. Finding a balance is extremely difficult. We are so open and then can quickly cut people off out of self preservation or preservation of our inner circle. Understanding how to gain an ability to keep relationships on different levels is so complex for us. When I started trying to figure out how to release the garbage I took up painting. The amount of paint brushes that were mangled was just sad. lol Thanks again. I got a lot out of your discussion.
I have REAllY appreciated these most recent podcasts. I am currently going to school for counseling and have taken at least 3 classes which addressed the MBTI but have never heard anyone discuss the types in this level of detail.
I am pretty sure I am an INFJ but when I took the test I scored about in the middle on the J/P scale. Not really sure how that affects it. I always had a knack for helping/listening but also have a clear understanding of how draining it can be. It wasn’t until I was in a bunch of classes which pushed me to be “open” (a terrifying word at the time)that I realized just how much I had shut off my emotions in my day to day. I then set out learning to be more mindful of my experience. It felt almost completely foreign and out of control(see the first episode of 3rd rock from the sun). I hadn’t allowed my self to be vulnerable for a very long time, instead I just figured people out from a distance because I still wanted to help but didn’t want to let anyone in. Now walking into a room with an anxious person at times is like being tasered it just freezes me in place. Definitely still a work in progress but meditation and jogging work really well to help me reset. Also biofeedback is a fantastic shortcut if you are interested in meditation but want quick results. Learning about the intuitive needs from Antonia and Joel has also has helped a lot. It has been amazing how many like minded people are out there once you know what to look for.
Thanks for your comment.
I’d agree that many people are mis-typed, especially if they’re only starting to understand the system. Many people who are close to the INFJ type (like you mentioned, INFPs) can see themselves in the INFJ profiles.
Our podcast wasn’t about gripers or incessant complainers, but rather those with legitimate issues of feeling misunderstood and dealing with the ‘psychic garbage’ of others, which is very much an INFJ issue. Feeling like a victim isn’t the same as advertising that feeling.
It’s extremely important to honor people’s experience while not encouraging them to stay in a place that doesn’t serve their best interests or happiness.