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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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306 comments
Thank you Kelly for the feedback and sharing your experience.
You guys articulate the INFJ experience like no others. As an INFJ, from the inside looking out, it’s often hard to know whether my inner world is unique to me, or if there are others out there who have the same experience. Like you said in the podcast, it’s hard to find words to express that unique inner INFJ experience until you have heard someone on the “outside looking in” describe it. That opened up a new world for me, for which I’ll be forever grateful to you and Personality Hacker.
One of the strategies that has helped me over the years is not to take things personally. It has helped to recognize that there is a certain “nature” to each personality type, as well as each personality. It’s much easier to forgive behavior that might be offensive to me when I remember, “Oh, that’s just the nature of ESTP (or whatever type); they’re supposed to do that.” Or, “That’s just the nature of Jack (or whoever); he wouldn’t be Jack if he didn’t do that.”
The realization that it’s not about “them,” but rather my reaction to them, has helped enormously. I think this is where the gift of Perspectives (or Introverted Intuition) really helps an INFJ. You (we) can actually turn what would otherwise be animosity into full acceptance of behaviors that we can choose to engage with, or not. A corollary to that realization is another: “they” may find something I do, as an INFJ or as any other part of my personality, offensive. But that it’s just my nature (at least it is at this point in time!).
I strive each day to improve upon that nature, but it’s helpful to realize I can’t be all things to all people, and never will be. It’s harder for me to accept being disliked by someone than it is for me to dislike them…but even that’s getting easier in this lifetime-long process of total self acceptance.
Thanks for an exceptionally brilliant podcast…on an exceptional group of people! :-)
Great podcast. I am INTJ, sometimes INTF and a few other variants.
My story is the classic ugly duckling turnes swan but with a twist. While I have been able to adapt, and not only be an ugly duckling, my swan moment came, when I became a mystic, and joined a formal spiritual training program that is.
Of course I had always been a mystic, but now saw myself in a new light.
To comment on the podcast: the process of understanding people and being able to meet them in their home, only to find that they won’t visit your “home” has been horrible for me, and it took years for me to take this seriously. I am not finished with the process. I guess its the classical dilemma of love: to love someone, to give love unconditionally, does not mean you can’t set boundaries AND ASK FOR RECIPROCITY. I think someone once said, love thy neighbour AND thyself.
Another great podcast! This one was particularly interesting to me as I’m also using Perspectives as my leading function, but paired with Effectiveness, in one word; INTJ.
So I sure could relate to what you guys were saying about Introverted Intuition, and the way it works and manifests itself. The most interesting part of this particular podcast for me though was learning what I didn’t quite know; since my second function is Effectiveness, and the third is Authenticity, I have a hard time relating to Harmony and the deep pain that can come from it.
So this podcast was very interesting to me, it helpful to see how my primary function is working when paired with a different auxiliary function. Will you do a podcast next on INTJs to explain how Perspectives works when paired with Effectiveness?
And would you consider ENTJs to be Perspectives users as well, even though it is their auxiliary function?
Great comment. Thanks Peggy.