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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about the idealism we develop around our judging functions.
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31 comments
This back and forth is why IxFJ types often become such gracious communicators. It’s a skill developed over many grueling hours of inner dialog.
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I’m an INFJ and totally resonate with the way Antonia described Ti-Fe playing out when she’s misquoted. I also try to choose my words very carefully (partly why I like to write it down or send voicenotes and re-read/relisten to what I said to make sure it’s an accurate reflection of what I meant.) It therefore REALLY gets to me when I’m misquoted or misunderstood.
My car model example of Fe-Ti conflict:
I write an email clearly stating something (e.g. confirming an 11am appointment) and get a response that clearly shows they didn’t read it (e.g. Hi, I just wanted to ask if our 12pm meeting is still going ahead tomorrow). I feel a sense of despair because my parent Fe wants to maintain good vibes with that person but my child Ti is saying “don’t just correct the time -write ‘as per the email below’ so they realise they need to exercise their ability to read!” My parent Fe knows that the person may interpret it as “Idiot, why can’t you just read?! Which part of 11am did you confuse with 12pm?!” and my child Ti is saying “Good! Let them feel like an idiot. Sometimes the best way to help people is to point out their flaws. You can’t always be nice. Be HONEST…” Fe smiles the mixed smile of a parent whose 10 year old has made a very good point but they don’t fully want to admit it because they are trying to model good behaviour. Eventually, Fe compromises. Instead of saying “12pm is fine” (Extreme number 1) or “It’s 11am; what’s the point of me responding to your emails if you don’t read them?” (Extreme number 2), it settles for “Hi, I put 11am in the previous email and that’s what’s in my diary. Hope to see you then!” :D
Please don’t make the podcasts TOO polished. I appreciate the sound quality, but the informal conversation is something I really enjoy. Don’t polish that away!
You are terrific. I am one of your ESFP fans. Yes, we’re out there!
This was fascinating. I’m an INFJ. I think the observation about the 10 year old was spot on. I found myself relating to the ideal of the perfect transmission of data even more than the ideal of a world where there is no conflict and everyone’s needs are met. For me the ideal of a world were everyone’s needs are meet is so deeply ingrained that desiring it is unconscious. Also, I often find myself exhausted trying to meet everyone’s needs, so I know that it can’t be done and that it is counterproductive to try too hard.
But if there were the perfect transfer of data, everyone would have the information they need to get their own needs met. They could do it with minimal help from me, and I could go off somewhere by myself to be a perfect introvert and not have to worry about how everyone else is getting on in life.
I also tend to connect to people cerebrally. My ideal world is full of people having deep emotional connections over calm, rational discussions.I think that is more because of the introverted intuition as a driver than because of the introverted thinking 10 year old. I hope a podcast on the perceiving functions and idealism is coming soon.
[INFJ] I had a hard time grasping this episode, but really appreciated the discussion. It made me notice, as an Ni dominant, my idealism around foundational concepts as parts of larger systems. I’m very easily overwhelmed by problems or tasks when I see a brick out of place at the bottom level. If I’m not careful that can put me in a nihilistic space, thinking either “the system is broken and irreparable,” or “this isn’t a solution; this is just a bandaid.”
I can’t wait to hear Antonia and Joel’s takes on perceiving functions’ idealism!