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In this episode, Joel and Antonia go on a journey of discovery where they showcase the need for positively expressed Introverted Feeling in today’s world.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- Introverted Feeling (Fi) – “Authenticity”
- Identity crisis – Fi struggles to know who they are
- Because of that, they recognize that people, in general, have the same struggle
- Fi sometimes resists the notion that it is okay to follow their core identity.
- Fi gets the message that it is selfish to pursue what feels right.
- Fi is very internal and subjective
- Not selfish so much as self-focused – the self is the guiding star for Fi
- A lot of the self is not acceptable to the outside world.
- “The more personal something is, the more universal it is.”
- The gift Fi gives is the ability to tune into core values and share the nuanced fidelity of human interactions and emotions.
- A coal miner for your heart
- Without Fi, you mistake one motivation for all motivations
- “This person voted for this candidate, which means they are this type of person.”
- No one ever has a single motivation.
- FPs end up in the arts because it explores the complexity of human motivations.
- People don’t know why they do what they do.
- Every public defender’s office is probably staffed with a lot of FPs because they see the need to defend the complexity of human emotion.
- No one is 100% pure evil like no one is 100% good.
- Good vs. bad is a social construct.
- Life-affirming things over life-negating things.
- “Doth Protest Too Much” when people are judgmental of other’s motivations.
- Every villain began as a victim.
- Civility is a thin veneer.
- The darkness is there, and it will come out eventually.
- What we resist persists.
- Fi uses emotions to find truths others would find offensive.
- It feels impossible to Fi to describe an incredibly complex emotion.
- Fi is better at demonstration than explanation, which is why they are usually artists in some way.
- Introverted Thinking (Ti) is better at explanation than demonstration
- Fi deals in narratives and stories and finds the truth inside the story.
- Motivations = gas in your car
- Core values = guard rails
- We are making up our reason for doing things all the time. We think they are legit, but they are arbitrary.
- Bullshit reasons = rationalizations
- We get what we want at the end of the day then we rationalize why it happened.
- Fi understands that we have stories for everything, but it doesn’t make them true.
- People don’t want to give up their victimhood.
- Something happens to us then we create stories to explain why it happened.
- Our stories are malleable. We can choose the more empowering one.
- Healthy Fi allows us to look at our narratives and ask ourselves if our stories are limiting us.
- When Fi isn’t healthy, it will take an event and paint it in an impenetrable, inarguable way.
- Because Fi is so good with stories, and it can’t make things happen in the outer world because Te is a weakness, so it tries to paint a picture to get the outcome it wants.
- Fi people often couch things in a way that isn’t completely accurate to get the result it wants.
- Stories/narratives are extremely powerful.
- Learn to spot the Disingenuous spin
- Spin your narratives in a way that makes you feel empowered.
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Narrative casting is a way to unlock a pathway forward to avoid getting stuck.
- Why do I care about this?
- What am I preserving?
- To what end?
- Drive down the motivation road. Keep asking why.
- Narrative casting is proactive.
- Diagnosis needs to come first.
- Fi is the most closely tied to ego/identity
- Every new way of experiencing things is an identity change.
- Narrative casting spins the story in an effort to protect the ego.
- “Be sure you’re right, then go ahead.” Davy Crockett
- Gain mastery over yourself first.
- We are all going to die alone.
- Who you start life with will be different from who we finish our lives with.
- You are the origination point for the decisions you make.
- You are sovereign.
- I’m the only one who gets to determine what I want to be.
- “Why does your selfishness of how you want to be trump my selfishness to be who I want to be?”
- Fi can go within and be incredibly self-reflective.
- “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron
- Shadow artist – no permission to be the artist you want to be so you hang around the edges of those who are doing what you won’t permit yourself to do.
- Roles are shadow artists to the true you.
- Your life is the character. You are the art.
- Don’t spin the narrative; become the narrative.
- People who are exceptional at Fi become the models that we all need.
- Fi sees the benefits of seeing people more kindly.
- Fi provides Kindness training – Kindness toward others and ourselves
- Fi can inspire others because it believes in people beyond reason or logic sometimes.
- Fi can create magic in the world because it can see the magic in the world.
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27 comments
Oops sorry, meant this as a separate comment, not as a reply.
Nevertheless, I’d also be interested in Joel and Antonia talking more about Fi vs Fe
I’m an INFP. Antonia’s answer of how Introverted Feeling has been useful for her brought me to tears because it was nicely said and something I resonated with.
I had a past relationship with an INTP, and at the time they gave me a few compliments along the lines of “thanks for believing in me”. Honestly, those were some of the best compliments I’ve ever received.
I’ve taken that and in conjunction thought about my ‘life purpose’. It might seem like I need or want to do a ‘big thing’ (I suppose that might be a generational influence, as I’m a millennial) but then I think, “isn’t it just as valuable to give another person the gift of encouragement/self-trust?”
(Also, the book plug at the end was fantastic.)
It would be a mistake to assume Fi is always awesome. It can actually be one of the most destructive functions when unhealthy.
But we took some liberties painting it in a good light since we were talking about why the world needs it (with the assumption we mean “healthy Fi”). If you listen to the Ti podcast, we don’t talk much about how awful Ti can be. :p
A
Thanks guys, this is (for me) as good a podcast as I’ve heard at PH.
I only really have one criticism, which is the apparent allusion towards the end that Fi-dominants are invariably ‘wonderful’ people that teach others, through deed more than words, to be kinder to themselves or to think more kindly of others. Now I don’t believe this is what you really think as this would suggest that you believe all Fi-dominants are ‘healthy’. That said though, I think descriptions of less-healthy Fi-dominants can be just as stereotype-heavy as those that sugar-coat them.
I think the heart of the problem is that it is assumed that all Fi-dominants are strongly in-touch with their feelings all or most of the time. Thus, ‘healthy’ Fi-dominants are invariably empathic and compassionate (which I would imagine is true), while ‘unhealthy’ Fi-dominants are invariably in some sort of emotional maelstrom and acting all stroppy.
Yet I recently saw video footage of yourselves (Joel and Antonia) at a conference giving examples of why people mis-type in the dichotomies. One of the reasons you give for ‘feeling’ types not recognising themselves as such is because they are heavily disassociated from their feelings due to upbringing or trauma.
I think such a person (which might include myself) would be in a situation whereby they find it extremely difficult to identify as any type, and there is a distinct possibility that this typology system is ultimately unhelpful in this regards for those people, especially if you are using it (rightly or wrongly) to find something to hang your identity around.
That said I don’t regret the time I have spent here as I have learnt a lot of insights about psychology, even with my skepticism around typology and without identifying as anything. I know I have benefitted from developing Fi since getting therapy (without actually labelling it as that), even with the fairly limited access I have had to my repressed feelings, it just would have been quicker (I presume) if they were less repressed. I have also somehow managed to do this with less-than adequate development of any extraverted function, not that I don’t see the value in that, I just don’t know which one I am supposed to be developing.
Thank you both so much for such a deep and engaging conversation. I’ve never felt the need to comment on a podcast before but I wanted to thank you both for being so open and honest in your discussion, and fearless in digging into the ‘deep, dirty’ side of this function. I’m currently doing a lot of internal work with a psychologist and your call out on selfishness vs self focused is something we’ve been exploring. Also the discussion around how Fi holds space for others rang so true, and I’ve always been challenged when other can’t or don’t return the favour. I think that’s the reason some of your final remarks about how we believe so much in others and inspire them, while doubting and criticising ourselves almost brought me to tears. I genuinely think walking the Fi path is a hard fought, emotional and reflective journey but offer so much value to those around us it can’t be ignored. So much great stuff in this one to think over, thank you again. ??