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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about ways to get past your personality and discover who you are underneath.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- Recent program on Enneagram with Dr. Beatrice Chestnut and Uranio Paes.
- How the Enneagram system talks about Personality.
- What does it mean to be ‘in personality’?
- The willingness to see the self as having unhealthy patterns.
- How the ‘I am the type of person that…’ statements keep us stuck.
- The example of doubling down on introversion.
- The role of ego in protecting us from criticism.
- Maturity defined as = not needing to be lied to.
- The metaphor of playing hide and seek with your child, and how maturity changes the rules of the game.
- Is our hypersensitivity caused by the rejection of dark parts within ourselves?
- Fighting what emerges from the unconscious: a personal share from Joel as a Social 6 in the Enneagram.
- “Personality is who you are not, but who are you without it?”
- How can we use ‘getting offended’ as an arrow pointing back at the self?
- Oneness and why the other is ultimately a representation of you.
- What is it that I am protecting myself from seeing because I don’t think I can handle it?
- The fear of losing the ‘good parts’ of ourselves.
- Going from creating new pathways to taking responsibility for all your mental wiring and your world-view.
- Turning yourself into an action, a verb beyond the labels.
- Philosopher Ken Wilber, work on spiral dynamics, axiom: wake up, grow up, clean up, show up.
- Defining what it means to ‘grow up’ and ‘clean up’.
- Uranio Paes: “Psychological work without spiritual work is incomplete, spiritual work without psychological work is dangerous.”
- How the world is waking up and showing up, and why the ‘clean up’ part is the hardest of all.
- How has the notion of ‘growing up’ evolved over the years?
- Start with cleaning your room – Jordan Peterson – 12 Rules for Life
- What does ‘doing the work’ of moving into your true essence look like?
- Projection illustrated – INFJs and narcissists, and how every type struggles with some form of projection.
- Applying these concepts to Myers Briggs – how type can lead to one-sidedness.
- Making the ‘unconscious conscious’ when it comes to your Myers Briggs type.
- Where have you become one-sided?
- Where you fixed/stuck in your personality?
- Owning your triggers.
- Share your stories below!
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16 comments
Thank you, Antonia!
The HAT- episode was well worth listening to:-)!!
I appreciate your perspective and the time you took to comment.
The comments you made are accurate for anyone overcoming trauma and learning self-love and appreciation, generally considered healing work.
This was a podcast specifically on transcendence work and overcoming the ego, not on healing work. As healing and achievement are different topics, it’s not a case of talking to two types of people (and making sure to address both). But, rather, people at two different places in their journey.
Healing, for all types, requires a gentle message. Ego transcendence, for all types, is brutal.For more on this, feel free to check out the HAT model episode:
https://personalityhacker.com/podcast-episode-0063-healing-achievement-transcendence/
A
I agree with you, Tess! I think you’re right about that “half of the world” theory. To mature as an INFJ it is CRUCIAL to start with loving yourself. And Joel is right- we are so poor at taking care of ourselves and therefore we often find ourselves in situations where other people take advantage of us- and therefore we need to seperate ourselves from them. And yes, too many of us describes the other person as a narcisist (myself included). Only lately, I have started to look at the role I played in setting the play up, so that I made it possible for that other person to exploit me. That’s why it is SOO important to discover the Fi. I have tried using Ti and Se to understand myself and the play around me, but that only led to despair and anxiety. Starting by loving myself and exploring my own feelings is like finding the compass to guide myself forward into selfcare and boundary- setting. But it is funny, this contrast between extroverts and introverts. I think introverts (to some degree), always will feel intimitated by extroverts and extroverts have a tendency to “overrun” the introverts, intended or not..
I admire you both for aspiring to present information that is accessable. The eight functions podcast was that for me and I had a break through. This episode was not accessible for me. I was struggling to apply the concepts you were presenting – you used a lot abstract language. Could you offer some real world examples of how you recognized that you were “in personality” and then recognized what you needed to shift to get out of “being in personality”? Thank you!
I really liked the examples Antonia gave for why we may resist being open to truth. To paraphrase one of them: if I get offended easily, that can represent my desire for justice or fairness. If I lose my easily-offended nature, does that mean I also won’t care about fairness? We justify lying to ourselves because we claim it is necessary to allow us to become who we want to be (e.g a moral or just person).
A method I use is to try find a way within myself to separate my viewpoints from reality. Using our fairness / justice example again, if I want to the world to be fair or just, there’s nothing wrong with me doing what I can to make the world more fair. That is the objective, or my viewpoint. But when I see unfairness in the world, or other people who support injustice, that is the outcome. Rather than being offended that unfairness exists, I can realize a couple of things:
1) While I can influence external things, I only have direct control over myself (e.g. I can behave perfectly and still not see a perfect external result)
2) Others may not agree that fairness or justice is as important as it is to me. Or they might, but it may mean something else to them
If I can learn to separate my views on fairness from the realities I see in the world, I reduce the need to lie to myself about that reality.
That said, this is really tough. After all, it’s still important to evaluate the effectiveness of our methods by the outcomes they produce, so the goal isn’t to simply ignore reality and focus only on our ideals. In our fairness/justice example, if I am working in politics or law, I should still use metrics and data, for example, to evaluate the effectivness of my actions in improving fairness.
When a person doesn’t need the world to lie to them, that person is able to pursue their ideals genuinely and rigorously, without being shaken when reality doesn’t match those ideals.
But again, this is really hard to do.