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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk with guest host Bruce Muzik about the tools to overcome childhood traumas that are showing up in your relationships.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- Bruce Muzik of Love at First Fight.
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What are ACEs Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) (cdc.gov)>, and how are they affecting our relationships?
- The huge impact our childhoods have on our lives.
- Why there is a direct link that predicts disease in our adult life.
- What is affecting our potential relationship satisfaction.
- What a low vs high ACE score means.
- Why certain ACE scores are tied to alcoholism, chronic depression, smoking, autoimmune diseases and more.
- How many ACEs did Joel and Antonia have?
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So you have ACEs…now what?
- Why healing from trauma is possible and faster than you think.
- How these particular trauma therapies are changing lives.
- Why this time period in history is set for healing trauma.
- The burgeoning science of healing trauma.
- Why talk therapy isn’t the best option to deal with trauma.
- Where our trauma is actually stored.
- Bessel van der Kolk’s book, The Body Keeps the Score.
- The real thing that is most damaging to people beyond the actual trauma.
- What our emotions actually need to do.
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How is trauma affecting our relationships?
- Which couples struggle the most in their relationships?
- What Bruce experienced in his marriage.
- What safety in our relationship really means.
- When we have cortisol pumping in our veins consistently.
- Why kissing your wife goodbye in the morning is such a big deal.
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Why we all actually have trauma.
- Capital “T” Trauma vs lowercase “t” trauma.
- The one thing we all have to do.
- How attachment styles tie in with trauma. (Check out this episode with Bruce on attachment theory )
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Where to get help.
- What is complex trauma?
- Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker.
- The Crappy Childhood Fairy (Anna Runkle).
- Finding EMDR and trauma therapists at www.trauma.info
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What do we do to handle trauma in others?
- When is challenge vs gentleness appropriate?
- Why personal growth leaders need to understand trauma.
- The model Bruce uses to grow through what we’ve gone through.
- What men need more vs what women need.
- Bruce’s experience of how to support and yet challenge.
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Why labeling our partners can cause more problems than help.
- When blaming stops our progress.
- What focusing on the self does for you and your relationship.
- This important thing you need to learn.
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25 comments
I agree with him about the statistics, though just not for me, Bruce seems like a good guy. Alcohol use in excess is a good tell also hard core drugs mainly heroin based things come to mind, I’ve been told by many that it helps with the pain. I tell them yes, but in a down trodden way, when someone is stuck in a perpetual loop of anger and depression, the best place to go is up not down. when you get to the top the view is fantastic.
Many people that suffer want immediate relief from emotional pain. I was no different as a teen, I drank a lot and eventually it got me expelled from my senior year of school for being intoxicated on school grounds. I only had 3 months to go before graduation. I actually graduated high school when I was at 28 years old, then got my degree by 32 years old. Trauma delays much of normal development. I was in all AP classes and was destined to go to Yale, but my behavior dictated my eventual downfall.
I eventually went all out in personal development, got my master certification in NLP, and Master Hypnosis practitioner certification and went through 600 hours of coach training with the school that Tony Robbins set up and I was certified in that modality. By the the time I woke up one day at 36 I guess that was my moment to make major life changes, I went all accomplishment mode in as little time as possible. My biggest challenge was filters on my speech, I had to get socially intelligent and emotionally intelligent. Thankfully I’m more well rounded and have a broader understanding of things now that I’m pushing 50, where as before I’d be very combative when people tried to teach me something else that didn’t jive with my beliefs.
That makes sense to include that question. Thank you for adding to the conversation Judith.
None of the statistics Bruce quoted were 100%. It’s not deterministic, just relevantly (and interestingly) correlated.
NLP was big for me, too.
A
Thank you Brian for the feedback.
While I agree with all the points raised there are angles that are significant and haven’t been approached.
Firstly, if someone scored a 1 for lack of support at home and had a particularly traumatic school life then the effects could be much more severe.
Secondly, issues relating to racism, homophobia and transphobia direct or indirect can also have effects, especially when combined with an environment that isn’t supportive.
Some global issues were alluded to near the end, it would be interesting to explore studies in some of these areas.